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Ask Rob! The
Advice General
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If you can
identify and understand the right things and the wrong things to say to a girl
maybe she won't dump you after the first couple of dates!
Hi Rob,
I have a question about something maybe you can help me with. I've
seen your advice and it really seems like it works and you know what
your talking about so here goes.
I'm 19 and I'm going to be going to college this fall 2006. I've
started to talk to a girl who will be going to the same college as
me. We've been emailing each other for about 3 weeks and were
playing the question game where we ask questions about each other to
get to know each other. It was her idea so we email each other every
day and we've seen pictures of each other.
She's definitely beautiful and everything I could ask for in a
personality type. She says she's super excited to meet me. And the
plus is she hasn't had a boyfriend before so I don't have to worry
about past excessive baggage or anything like that.
I'm confident enough to talk to her but I definitely want to tell
her I like her. Although from what I've learned from experience is
never to tell a girl you just like her it usually backfires and
scares her away.
So I'd like to show her I'm genuine and real and are different from
most other guys.
A direct quote she said was "Wow I can't believe how much we have in
common" so guess I'm a bit lost on what my next step is.
If you could get back to me at this email I'd appreciate or any help
you give me. Thank you so much for your time if you read this,
Dave.
Hi
Dave,
I'm glad that you've emailed me.
So far you've been doing well, right up to the point where you
turned into a lemming and started running towards the cliff.
I'm going to show you two sentences and I want you to figure out
what the difference is between them:
1. I like you too.
2. I like you.
Can you spot the difference?
Yes, I know that it's fairly obvious, but this is where a guy screws
up the beginning of what otherwise could be a great relationship.
Sentence #1 is in reply to her saying that she likes you. It's
perfectly fine to answer back that you like her too. Then talk about
what a hot day it is, or something in a safer zone of conversation.
Sentence #2 is where the guy, all horny and infatuated with his new
(girlfriend) toy that he turns into a wussy puppy and says "I like
you" in the hopes that these couple of words will make everything in
the relationship even better, no matter what a dork the guy
internally feels he is, no matter how amazed he is that he actually
has a chance with the girl of his dreams. The guy is trying to
overcome his insecurities with these few words.
Of course all that he's really done by blurting out "I like you" is
given all the power of the relationship away to the girl, shown how
easily controlled he can be because he's such a wuss, not the
intelligent and confident guy the girl thought he is (up to the
blurting out, that is).
Then she says back to him "You're a great friend" and that's the end
of their dating. Of course the guy is blindsided, he never saw it
coming. And for the rest of his life he'll never figure out the
reasons why he messed up.
After all, all he said was how he felt about the girl, right?
Wrong!
In these few words he gave away a mountainful of information and
every bit of it was BAD!
Girls need to feel attraction to a guy. And there are plenty of ways
that this attraction happens and grows. And girls need to
continually feel this attraction get stronger, for it to grow as the
relationship progresses or it's over.
Ways that girls feel attraction:
1. Physical attraction - You're a clean, nice smelling guy that
dresses well and has a better than average body type
2. Intelligent attraction - You're smart, capable and she
instinctively knows that you'll be able to take care of her
3. Humor attraction - You're funny and using your humor you make her
feel safe and all warm and fuzzy inside.
Of course there are many more ways for girls to be attracted to guys
and I'm not going to cover all of them here, but you get my point
right? Nothing above says that she feels more attraction when the
guy is mooning over her saying "I like you". It's a relationship
destroyer.
So Dave, don't do it.
Don't say you like her first. Follow what I say or you'll lose her.
Best wishes,
Rob.
*
Rob is not a professional counselor, just someone that wants to
help. His advice and opinions are his own and should be treated
as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll give you the
best advice his experience allows. And you'll have someone
that'll listen to your troubles without being too judgmental.
And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2007 AdviceGeneral.com. If you
want advice, find out more about Rob at:
www.advicegeneral.com
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice General" are
for entertainment purposes only. For complete terms and limitations please
go to:
http://www.advicegeneral.com/terms-of-use.htm
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Guys can
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