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Ask Rob! The
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When your
relationships always end after a few dates, they aren't
relationships. This is a red flag warning you to change your ways or
be forever a loser with women.
Dear
Rob,
Well, to start out I'm a 22 yr old male with some relationship
issues.
I am
an honest, caring, loving, guy who unfortunately tends to wear my
heart or feelings on my sleeve and well, I'm in between a rock and a
hard place here.
I
don't tend to have enough confidence in going after women much, but
usually when I see one I want I get her! But here's my problem:
I can't figure out women, I really don't have a mean bone in my body
especially when it comes to a women. I'm pretty much a "Romeo".
But
what I also don't get is that in my last two or three relationships
I've gotten screwed, glued, and tattooed. What I mean is during my
second to last relationship I was half nice and half a jerk in a
way. But the way your suppose to be usually towards women whom
you've spent time with and realizes that you like her but you don't
want to go overboard with it cause that'll just push her away,
right?
Well,
I was wrong again because she left me and I showed both sides of
that case!
Ok so
here's the real reason I'm writing you:
I meet this awesome women about three months ago now, and the second
I saw her I was amazed at her beauty, charm, and mental smarts. I
talked to my friends about her, and to the friend that actually
brought her over that night to see if there was any way I'd be able
to hook up with her!
So
he's been texting her all that night and finally gets around to
seeing if she'd want to call me. Well, she does and so we start
talking and hit it off.
We
went out on dates and talked and had fun for a couple weeks until I
asked her if she'd consider being in a steady relationship with me!
And well, she said yes and now we've been going
together for about a month and a week and now we're unfortunately on
a break!
The
reason I think is because, as I told you earlier, I pretty much fell
head over heels for this women the first time I saw her and she had
gotten hurt bad about 6 months prior to us meeting. Her fiancé
dumped her and two weeks later she had a miscarriage and she was
hurt so bad it effectively changed her life.
So
well, before we started our break she got scared about us turning
into something serious eventually and she didn't want to get hurt
again or didn't know if that's for sure what she wanted at the time.
So
were taking a break and are still going to see each other and date
while we each date other people, and become good friends first and
then go from there because I know in my heart and by her words that
she'll come back and try us again. But I just wanted to know if you
think that's a good idea or how can I simplify things for her and
gain her trust from her heart and mind? And if you could help me out
on my relationship problem of not knowing how to really handle my
kindness issue that would be great too!
Thanks, Mike
Hi Mike,
If there was ever a guy that needed to read "Double Your Dating"
you're it!
(The book link is at the end of this article.)
Falling head over heels for a woman is great. Showing it in the
manner and style that you have leads to breakups.
It's that simple.
Now then, I'm going to start at the end of your email and work
backwards.
(1) You're taking a break from the 'serious relationship' now. No.
You let her miss you, don't be a sad little puppy at her beck and
call, filling in those lonely moments of hers while she compares you
to all the other cereal boxes on the shelf.
You
don't have the time to give her. Let her miss you and keep any
contact to her short, simple and uncomplicated. Do not answer her
every call, do not be always available.
Hell, you're on a break, so break it to her that you have better
things to do than be available to her whenever she wants.
Don't wuss out on my instructions here!
(2) "She doesn't want to get hurt again" is code for "I can see
where this is going and you're going to try to be as romantic as
only a man can but you're really not 'The Man' for me".
When you get the "Not get hurt again" line it's a test.
She wants you to prove yourself and you failed by letting her get
out of your relationship by agreeing to a break.
Again, she has you by the leash and you're letting her.
Enough of that!
You're a man, not a puppy, right?
Dude, she's hurting you! You just haven't told her.
(3) Now then, your first contact:
You see her and are instantly in love with her. Fair enough. When
you see an attractive woman and you're a single guy, you want her.
But you wanted her really bad. And your admitted gooeyness is
grossing me out!
Men don't play "love-sick high school kid" games to get women's
info.
You confront and conquer.
You approach attractive woman like they're a 5 or a 6. Just passable
enough that you 'might' give them the time of day.
Do not sell yourself short by letting your friends get involved in
getting her info for you. This is your job and only your job.
You lost when you relied on your friends to do it because you
started an unstable contact with her.
You relied on their interpretations of what she was saying to them
about you and you acted on that secondhand info.
You started off meeting her as an insecure man. Although you managed
to get a few dates this was destined to end as it did, because you
weren't a strong man at the beginning.
Buck up dude!
(4) You describe yourself as a "Romeo".
So, who really cares about that?
You say you're a "Romeo" but what does that actually mean?
I'll tell you because you asked so nicely:
It means you're a weak, easily led, woman approval seeking man.
You place your value in yourself in how she sees you!
Can you see how wrong this is?
When you place your value of person in the interpretations of how
someone else sees you, you give them all the power and control over
your actions.
You are instantly seeking their approval over all you do and the sad
part is you think that this works as a relationship tool.
But it never does!
Man and woman are equals.
But only as far as they can work together, in conversations, body
language and yes, eventually relationships.
If you are not equal, when you say you are a "Romeo" playing the
romantic at first look and always after seeking "romantic approval",
you lose power and control. You are the dreaded puppy! Not a man!
(5) It's fair to be romantic, on date four or five. Or later. And
special celebrated occasions.
You need to be in control of yourself and your emotions, as an equal
person, as a strong man, as someone that she needs to get the info
on, not you chasing her.
Playing it cool?
Maybe, but playing it smart first and foremost is what this is.
(6) When you see a woman you want to date and you're at a
party/gathering, these are the steps you need to learn (modify as
needed but not too much!):
You see her;
You show body language of attraction when she sees you;
You approach and tease her on the second thing she says. Heck if she
says "hi" maybe you get her on that. "Is that all you can say? I've
been feeling your vibe since you/I came in, then I noticed my phone
was on the silent/vibrate setting." Cocky, funny, teasing and
inviting a safe remark from her.
Bust her, get her phone number/email. Small touch on her arm as you
say "Enjoy the (whatever)" and exit.
Three to 6 minutes tops.
Don't hang around.
Don't small talk without using humor to test her attraction level.
When she reacts nicely she's into you, otherwise drop your line in
another pond.
Feel free to catch up with her later in the evening if you're at a
party or something. But don't hang around. Don't puppy out.
Tease and test.
Catch and release setting up her wanting your info.
(7) Don't get caught up in the "One woman for me" when you're just
meeting or getting to know a woman, when you're first dating her.
There is no exclusivity during the first three weeks of dating
unless you're wussed and tamed.
Is that how you want to be?
No, why else would you ask for my advice?
OK, we're at the end. I've answered your questions.
I feel your pain and have told you where you've been going so very
wrong in all your relationships.
Now then, scroll back up and reread what I wrote.
Reflect on it.
Read this again in a couple of days.
Be "The Man" from now on!
Best wishes,
Rob.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
Disclaimer: ©2006-2010 AdviceGeneral.com.
This article and any articles published by "Ask Rob! The Advice
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