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Guys can be cowards or
just playing within a "safety net" hinting around about a date to
avoid rejection instead of just straight forwardly asking someone
out. Women have to make the first move sometimes. Or decide if the
game-playing is worthwhile at all.
Dear
Rob,
I’ve known this girl since we were both kids, as we live in the same
street and we both go to the same youth group where she is the youth
leader. We’re both 19. I’ve grown to like her a lot, to the stage
where I’ve developed feelings for her. I only ever see her once a
week at the youth group. At the start of 2005 and nearly every other
week I used to catch her staring at me. I could be talking to some
people and she’d be in another group in another conversation, and if
I was to turn or look around the room I would immediately catch her
staring dead straight into my eyes for no apparent reason. Once I
caught her she’d look a bit nervous, and look away. Some nights I’ve
caught her out and then she does it again two minutes later. One
night I was sitting down talking with someone and she was in the row
in front and I just happened to look in front and caught her again.
This time I held the stare and I smiled, she did too, and then
turned back around. This has happened so many other times as well
with her.
Whenever we both hold a conversation we are both very shy towards
each other, as we’re both shy people, but she always looks me in the
eye so much so that I’m just too nervous to hold the contact.
If she is ever walking towards me in the street or mall she looks in
my direction then quickly looks away and acts all nervous until we
pass, when she does acknowledge me, sometimes acting surprised that
she has seen me. Is she trying to avoid me or is she just nervous?
Also whenever I make a mistake, be a clutz, make myself look stupid
or tell a dumb joke, she’ll laugh.
Does her doing these things mean anything or am I just over reacting
and blowing things out of proportion?
I’m just too scared to make a move or anything because I’m afraid of
being rejected and making a fool of myself, plus she’d be an 11/10
in the looks dept, where’d I’d only rate myself 5/10 which makes me
wonder why she’d be even remotely interested. I’m sort of waiting
around for her to give me more of these signs before I do anything,
but in the meantime I know that she might just find someone else,
maybe for good, then I would loose her for good. How can I get over
myself and handle this situation or just ask her out?
Hi,
You sound like a nice guy. Invite her out for a coffee or something
after the next youth group meeting. Making the first moves are the
first things you have to get used to doing in life.
No one opens
doors for you when it's only your own wants being decided and acted on.
Experience
with women only happens as "experience" happens. As you do, so shall you
learn.
And don't
worry about your inexperience with asking and getting dates, with talking to
girls. We all started the same way, learning as we go.
It's likely
she's as experienced as you are in the relationship department, good looking
girls are all too often lonely because every guy is afraid of rejection and
doesn't ask her out.
Get over
yourself and your fears. Read more articles on my site and ask her out for a
coffee.
Best wishes,
Rob.
Dear Reader,
Over the years I've had the opportunity to read many "self-help"
books that deal with a variety of situations that occur between men
and women. Please take a moment and visit these suggested websites, where applicable:
For Women
For Men
* Rob is not a professional counselor, just
someone that wants to help. His advice and opinions are his own and
should be treated as advice that can be followed or ignored. He'll
give you the best advice his experience allows. And you'll have
someone that'll listen to your troubles without being too
judgmental. And if you don't like his answers, just delete them! *
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