This article: Men are weird... and they usually don't even understand themselves, so how are you expected to understand them?
Yes, this is it, the question of the ages... what do men want? Once we move beyond the obvious animal needs that so many guys decry are the answer to the question, and the "only" answer, we are left with dealing with the logical/emotional balance of men.
And as far as relationships go this can be broken down to three questions:
Do men want committed relationships?
Do men want to hear about relationship problems?
Do men believe themselves when they say "I love you"?
These are all great questions, and they may not have been on the top of the list that you yourself would suggest that you need to understand about men, but the truth is now unwrapped.
And what single thing do the above three questions have in common?
Go ahead, read the questions again...
The answer is: do men understand their own emotions?
Now, let's start with a basic understanding of the mind of a man:
Men take every task as a logical problem they need to master.
That's why, if you are needing support and talk to a guy about the issues you have trouble with, and you just need to vent about them, the guy tries to provide a solution to you about your problems.
He does not understand the emotional need you have to vent, to express your disappointments and hurts, to just "get it off your chest".
Instead, he will approach your venting as questions, as problems that need answers, answers that are only apparent to him.
One of the biggest hurdles to a relationship with almost every guy is that he listens only to insert himself as the holder of the answer to your problems. He does not understand the emotional need you have to express yourself, and talk about things to regain your own balance in your life.
He does not understand, quite simply, emotions.
And as relationships grow, they can only grow as a man understands his own emotional needs, the life that resides in himself for his emotions to live, adding significantly to the relationship he has with a woman.
Think about that...
A man can only grow in a relationship if he can understand and acknowledge his own emotional needs within the relationship.
Confused? Sure you are. Let's try this again:
A man that is in a relationship can only affect positive change within himself as the relationship's emotional needs are met only if he can himself face the emotional commitment to himself and to the woman central to the relationship.
Is that clearer?
Yes, I think that's it's a hard topic to understand, but if we try we can dissect a man's emotional possibilities.
OK, so let's take apart the questions above again, one at a time.
1. Do men want committed relationships?
In a word, yes... but they may not want a committed relationship with you. And that is the real answer you seek... are you the right woman for him, is he the right guy for you?
Men need the emotional support of a woman because they themselves cannot find their emotional side without a woman's aid. But they will only show their emotional side to a woman that they respect and can find comfort with (and that doesn't mean sex!), as a person-to-person, as an equal, as a confidant.
The opposite of the question above, as I see it, is: Do men get emotional with each other? And the obvious, and true, answer is no. Think about this for a minute, then continue.
2. Do men want to hear about relationship problems?
In a word, no... because men are "fixers", they need to have the solutions to problems, they cannot face a problem they cannot understand, and that is even true if they are viewed as the root of the problem that they do not understand.
Relationship problems? You'll get more answers if you ask him how to get to the moon using only a stick of butter, a pound of gun powder and a steel drum! That he can understand.
But, and this is a big BUT, when you talk to a man about relationship troubles that you have with him, don't take him to task about it right off. Start slowly using the comparison model of talk... and that means:
Not being uncaring about his feelings as you talk to him. Instead use comparisons to how you'd like to be treated as another man treats his woman greatly, with care and foresight and love. A man can better understand his own behavior as compared to another man's behavior, but only, and only, if this is done with care and understanding, without anger, without being upset, without argument.
This isn't a "I wish you'd treat me like he does" kind of statement you need to make, but rather a "I love how she looks when he does that for her" type of statement. The comparison is underneath the words used, the facts of the actions are apparent and something that can be mimicked without embarrassment. It's how a guy would say it to another guy!
3. Do men believe themselves when they say "I love you"?
In a word, no... but that isn't because they don't understand love... it's because they may not fully understand how these three simple words will be received... so saying "I love you" is more about testing the relationship waters than it is in baring their souls and emotions to a woman they care about.
And when a man says "I love you" a third time, on three different occasions, not always preceded, or anticipated for, sex, then you can start to believe that he does believe that he loves you.
And that is the answer to what do men want...
They want a woman that understands them, as they are a man...
They want a woman that can approach them and talk to them about anything, even the state of their relationship, as if they were talking about repairing a car...
And they want to say "I love you" to a woman that is truly worthy of their love.
And the answer to everything else is that you need to understand men, understand your man, and realize that you are not alone in this quest.
I know that this article has touched a part of you. And I want to share a lot more about understanding men with you.
here and start your path on this new understanding of men now.
(c) 2007-2012 Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd. All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold Robert Lee harmless. Article may not be reprinted without express written consent.