 DATING TIP: Control
Your Emotions Around Women: One Mistake Almost All Men Make With Women...
And What To Do About It
www.doubleyourdating.com
There is one
critical mistake that almost all men make with the women that they're REALLY
attracted to.
This particular mistake is at the root of so many different problems that
men run into, that the topic probably deserves a book to be written about it
alone. That mistake is allowing yourself to become OVERLY EMOTIONAL around a
woman at the wrong time, and screwing up the great situation that you have
by revealing the fact that you're out of control.
When most of us guys see an attractive woman that we'd like to meet, we
FREAK OUT, become very nervous, and literally become IMMOBILIZED. This is a
case of not being able to control your EMOTIONS. When most of us guys have
the phone in hand, and we're getting ready to call a girl to ask her out, we
FREAK OUT, and again, we become so nervous that we're IMMOBILIZED. This is
another case of not being able to control your emotions.
When most of us guys think that it might be time to KISS a girl, we FREAK
OUT. When a woman won't call back, we get upset. When a woman tests us by
challenging something we say, we become nervous and unsure.
The point I'm making here is that if you allow yourself to become TOO
emotional in situations with women, it will screw you up. Guaranteed. It's
happened to all of us many times, and it's a UNIVERSAL experience.
But wait a minute. Emotions are GOOD THINGS, aren't they? Aren't emotions
the thing that allow us to really ENJOY life? And isn't it wrong to try to
"control how you feel"? Isn't it better to just "be who you are" and not try
to beat yourself up because you feel a certain way?
Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say "I can't help the way I feel"...?
We all have.
We even have TERMS that we use to describe when we're overly upset and just
need to "get it out". We call it "venting" and such. The implication here is
that in our modern 21st century society, it's OK to be upset, to get
emotional, and to show how you feel... But is this always true?
TWO KINDS OF EMOTIONS
I think that emotions come in "two flavors".
There are those that you could consider "positive" emotions, or those based
in "joy", and there are "negative" emotions, or those based in "fear". In
other words, there are the emotions that make you "feel good" and emotions
that make you "feel bad". In addition, we all know that emotions aren't like
on/off switches.
In other words, when you feel an emotion, you usually feel an AMOUNT of it.
Maybe it's just a little, or maybe it's very strong. But the reality is that
when an emotion starts to become too strong, it literally TAKES OVER your
mind and body. In some situations, this can be a very powerful POSITIVE
thing for a person.
Imagine your favorite musician or actor giving a world-class performance...
you can literally FEEL the emotions they're feeling. It can be an amazing
experience when they allow their emotions to take over.
But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE thing as well.
Like when you're looking across the room at a beautiful woman you'd like to
talk to, and you become so nervous that you make yourself sick. Emotions can
actually CONTROL you. And when an emotion becomes so strong that it actually
DOES "take over", you're out of control.
Remember that. Strong emotions also create strong MEMORIES.
We tend to remember things better if we were feeling a strong emotion when
they happened. I can remember so many situations where I was too nervous to
talk to a girl, or too nervous to ask her out, or whatever. I can remember
situations TWENTY YEARS AGO vividly... where I was so nervous in the
situation that the emotion burned the image into my mind.
When this kind of thing happens a lot (like it has with me), it starts to
make a "feedback loop". In other words, most of the strong memories I had
about women were situations where I SCREWED UP... so I had less and less
confidence as the years went by. Give me a little silent nod here if you
know what I'm talking about.
CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS
I'm sure you've already figured out that I'm going to suggest that you learn
how to control your emotions in situations with women. Let me talk for a
moment about the reasons WHY it's important to do this. Remember, when it
comes to ATTRACTION, all of the "normal" rules change.
You have to stop thinking about what you've learned about being a "nice guy"
to other people, and realize that a woman's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by
you being "nice".
So I have TWO good reasons why need to learn how to control your emotions
around women:
1) If your emotions take control early on, you probably won't even be able
to talk to her, call her, or ask her out. You'll just be too freaked out to
even make your first move.
2) Women aren't ATTRACTED to guys who let their emotions control them all
the time. This is ESPECIALLY true when the guy acts like a WUSSY.
We talked about the first reason already. Let's talk about the second one.
Why don't women like guys who are overly- emotional Wussies? Because women
NEVER feel ATTRACTION for men that they can CONTROL. The more control a
woman has over you, the less ATTRACTION she feels for you. The less of a
CHALLENGE you are, and the more PREDICTABLE you become, the less ATTRACTION
she feels. It's very simple. To put it another way, if you're the type of
guy who lets his emotions TAKE OVER, then you need to learn how to control
them.
If you don't, you're going to have a VERY hard time succeeding with women.
THE FIRST STEP...
I think that the first step in learning how to control your STRONG emotions
is to realize how they're triggered. Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED.
Something happens that "pushes a button" inside of you and BAM!... the
emotion happens before you even have a chance to think about it.
But the fact is that these "triggers" have a structure to them. There are
all kinds of little things that happen during that "trigger". One of the
biggest insights that I've had about these "triggers" is that they're
usually caused by making something that happens MEAN something. In other
words, it's not the actual situation itself that "pulls the trigger" or
"pushes the button"... it's what you think it MEANS.
For instance, let's say that you've met a cute girl, gotten her number, and
called her on the phone... she wasn't home, so you left a
message for her. She doesn't call back.
What do we, as guys, usually think?
"Maybe she doesn't like me. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she's trying to
avoid me. If I call her again, maybe she'll reject me." In other words, we
make the fact that she didn't call back MEAN all these different things.
Another HUGE insight I've had in this area is that us guys allow our
imaginations to take over and imagine the WORST possible outcomes of
situations. Then we get nervous about that outcome happening, and we FREAK.
For instance... have you ever seen a girl that you wanted to approach... but
all you could imagine was her REJECTING you? Or you were with a woman on a
date, and you wanted to kiss her... and all you could imagine was her
getting upset or pushing you away? Don't worry, we all do it.
The point is that most of us guys use our minds to imagine the WORST
possible outcomes for situations... and it pushes all the wrong
buttons, and gets us all nervous and upset... which, of course, makes us
screw everything up. When it comes to women, it's important that you lose
the need to make everything MEAN something... and STOP imagining the worst.
Think about those situations when a woman doesn't call you back... or plays
hard to get. As guys, we immediately start to wonder
where she is... what she's doing... and who she's with. We make pictures of
her out with other guys, doing fun things without us, etc. and we let it
upset us.
Bad idea.
This is the kind of thing that makes us do all KINDS of stupid, Wussy things
that scare women away... like calling 100 times a day, asking where she was
and what she was doing, etc.
Instead, start doing yourself a favor and:
1) Imagining the BEST possible outcome.
2) Making things mean something GOOD.
If she doesn't call you back, imagine that she probably didn't get the
message (maybe her roommate erased it), and make it mean that when she
finally DOES hear from you, she's going to be even MORE interested because
it took you so long to call her. If she plays hard to get, realize that
she's only doing that because she REALLY likes you... and that it's almost
inevitable that you're going to get together with her.
Does this stuff sound strange?
Well, I'll tell you something...
All of the guys I know who are the BEST with women think this way. This is
how their minds operate.
I used to be VERY negative. I thought that every situation was going to go
wrong, and that everything women did meant that they somehow didn't like me.
It's taken me awhile, but I've changed my own thinking so it's now more
positive and optimistic.
And guess what? Now women are FAR more attracted to me.
In fact, it's almost like magic. The more I expect things to go well, the
better they go. Try it, it works. Also, start noticing those particular
things and situations that trigger your "overpowering" emotions. Learn to
spot the signs that it's about to happen, and then learn how to keep
yourself cool, calm, and collected.
If you can learn how to do this, your success with women will improve
DRAMATICALLY.
Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.
It's also important to learn how to improve your self image, overcome FEAR,
maintain your physical composure, and communicate using your body
language... so that you're successful in each situation with women.
You'll learn step-by-step techniques and systems that you won't find
ANYWHERE else. I guarantee it.
If you REALLY want to learn some powerful techniques for controlling your
emotions around women, then this is the way to learn them.
And if you haven't read my online eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need
to do that right now. You can download it and be reading it in just a few
minutes from right now. It's here:
www.doubleyourdating.com
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
(c) 2003 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional
advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless. http://www.doubleyourdating.com
|
Dating Tips For Men
Get a Great Girl »
Today's Question
Popular Dating Ebooks
