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www.doubleyourdating.com
The REAL problem, though, is
that this whole process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens INSTANTLY the
moment most guys see a woman that they'd like to meet. Before they even have
a chance to think about the situation rationally, they've become nervous,
insecure, and upset.
I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies, but sometimes they get
wired up in ways that aren't exactly useful for the situations that we find
ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or peer groups teach
us ways of thinking that just aren't useful at all for what we'd like to
accomplish.
Here's something that I realized a few years ago when I was learning for
myself how to be successful with women... I thought about this idea that I
was having this instant, automatic fear in different situations with women,
and that I was really thinking "I don't want to screw this up" and "I don't
want her to think that I'm a dork"...
And all of a sudden something dawned on me:
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't matter what she thinks of me.
I realized that the fears I was experiencing were more from PROGRAMMING than
from reality. So I started to remind myself as often as possible that the
fear wasn't happening because there was any kind of danger... and that my
objective in a particular situation wasn't to have it turn out perfect, IT
WAS TO LEARN.
Think about the difference between doing something because it's important
vs. doing something to LEARN.
So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I wanted to meet, instead of
thinking "OK, I have to say something charming and original so she'll like
me... and if I screw up I'm going to be embarrassed" I began to think things
like "I'm going to learn how to get a woman's phone number within a few
minutes of meeting her... and part of learning this is going to be trying a
lot of different things that probably aren't going to work... but in the
end, it's all going to even out because I'm going to have the SKILL that I
want."
See the difference? Well, let me tell you, that attitude change made a HUGE
impact on my success. I was willing to do and try things that I never would
have tried in the past for fear of screwing up...
All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to learn something from this
and improve my skills... and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS
PARTICULAR situation" I was able to improve very rapidly.
And the more I began to apply this idea, the more success I had in ALL areas
with women... from the first meeting, to getting them to go out with me, to
taking things to a physical level.
So do this:
Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with a woman. I don't care if
she's attractive or not. But instead of having the objective of getting a
date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING. In fact, if you REALLY want
to improve fast, go spend a day starting conversations with women, but make
the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers or dates all day.
In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you can't date any of the women that
you meet that day. See if you can just learn how to do a few simple things
like say "Hi" to every woman that walks by... how to maintain eye contact
with women until THEY look away... and how to end a conversation "too soon",
so she feels a natural vacuum and tries to keep it going herself...
That's one good idea for dealing with your fears.
If you'd like to read more of my personal secrets for overcoming fear,
including specific mental exercises and physical drills, then I'd recommend
that you download a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating". It's full
of all my very best thinking on this and many other subjects about success
with women.
Just go to:
www.doubleyourdating.com
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
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