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One Simple Change That Will Transform Your Love Life

by Paige Parker
Author, "Dating Without Drama"
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 One Simple Change That Will Transform Your Love Life
by Paige Parker
Author, "Dating Without Drama"

This Article: The definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting different results. You've been carrying around that "being single sucks" and "I'll never meet a man" attitude every day and the result is that you're alone.

Hi Girlfriend,
Dating dry spells... Lousy blind dates... Saturday nights alone with your TiVo.

Being the only unattached woman at your friends' "couple-y" dinner party. Sometimes, being single feels anything but fabulous. (I've been there. Trust me.)

But before you go getting down on yourself, you really want to read today's DISH.

It's all about the power of positive thinking and how keeping your attitude upbeat can actually attract love into your life just like a magnet!

First I'll share a letter from a reader who's feeling down and more than a little bit skeptical, along with my reply explaining exactly how she can turn her life around by doing ONE SIMPLE THING.

I'll also share some success stories that are guaranteed to inspire you to believe that you have the power to achieve the dating life of your dreams NOW!

Today's DISH is a hot one so let's dig right in.

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READER COMMENT OF THE WEEK: "Some Women Don't Deserve Love"

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Here's an email I received from a reader:

Paige,
I can only imagine hundreds of women around the nation pulling out laminated affirmation cards (the ones that come with your book) and rereading them.

Do you really believe every lady out here deserves healthy love?

There are plenty of needy, whiny, controlling women who I don't believe deserve to be in a loving relationship.

And I would LOVE to have a single gal out there tell me that she is enjoying her single-hood. But everybody who is telling me to "get out there and enjoy being single!" is married or in a relationship.

Who are YOU to tell me to pack my days with fun-filled activities and enjoy being single? YOU are married. What's so great about being single?

Yes, I am alone. No, I do not want to be alone. I am sick and tired of being told that the guy will come, that he's out there somewhere. How do you know that?

Of course, you could just be making all of this up. Who am I complaining to? You probably don't exist.

-Penelope

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PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP: "A Negative Attitude About Being Single Will Keep You Single... Only Positivity Will Turn Your Dating Fate Around For Good!"

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My response:

Dear Penelope,

First things first - let me lay your skepticism to rest:
I absolutely DO exist, I am a real woman (not a computer or a man!), and I genuinely care for you and every other reader who has invited me into her life to share my thoughts and experience on dating and relationships.

In fact, my only deep dark secret is that sometimes I write the Dating Dish while in my PJs. (I think better when I'm comfy!)

I can tell from your email that my focus on self-esteem building and affirmations as necessary steps to achieve healthy, drama-free relationships has hit a nerve with you. I think this is something that all of my readers will benefit from, so I'd like to talk it through in today's DISH.

First of all, you ask me if I really believe that every woman deserves healthy love.

My answer is yes, absolutely.

But this is where I think you're misunderstanding me: just because I say that every woman DESERVES healthy love doesn't mean that I think women are never RESPONSIBLE for unhealthy behavior.

The self-esteem exercises and affirmations I encourage are not meant to puff women up and make them think that they're perfect, blameless, and totally above doing their part to make a relationship work.

Quite the opposite.

This positive thinking is aimed at curing the very root cause of unhealthy behavior - INSECURITY.

Think about it.... Why would a woman (or anyone, for that matter) behave in a dramatic (to use your words "needy, whiny, controlling") way?

The answer is in the very words you use:
"Needy" - They have NEEDS (namely love, acceptance, security) that they desperately want to be met.

"Whiny" - What comes to mind when you think of whining?
Babies. Infants whine out of frustration because they don't yet know how to ask for what they want or need. The same goes for women of any age who haven't learned healthy ways of communicating.

"Controlling" - Why do people become controlling?
Because they feel out of control. This feeling of having no handle on their life scares them so much that they delude themselves into thinking that they have the power to MAKE someone love them or FORCE them to behave in a certain way.

In other words, she's ACTING OUT because she's hurting and she doesn't know how to get the love she so desperately wants and needs. Somehow along the way - whether it was a difficult childhood, a traumatic dating experience, or for any number of other reasons - she never learned how to love in a healthy way.

If I were to adopt your attitude, it would mean dismissing these hurting women as "lost causes" - unlovable and unworthy of a healthy relationship.

I'm sorry, but I just can't do that!

Instead, I choose to encourage women to take a look at their own lives and teach them how to fill their hearts up with love for themselves. And when my readers apply what I teach - focusing on creating a fulfilling life of friends, activities, and passions for themselves rather than waiting for a man to come along and make them whole - the results are absolutely ASTOUNDING.

They feel happier. They wake up in the morning, excited about the day to come and the possibilities of love it brings. They get out and enjoy the fabulous life they've created, and while they're doing that, men just so happen to sit up and take notice. They see this confident, irresistible woman strolling down the street with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her lips and think, "Wow...there's something about that girl. I've got to meet her!"

And listen, I understand that it sounds too good to be true. But believe it or not, it works. (I share proof in the success stories below.)

Why?

As I explain in Dating Without Drama
when you're confident in yourself, you radiate happiness. The neediness that once scared men off has been replaced with deep contentment.

You cease to focus on CONTROLLING a man and instead put the focus on what you DO have control over... your own life.

The desperation you once felt (and BELIEVE ME, men SENSED!) has been replaced with security - a knowing that you WILL meet someone wonderful to share your life, but in the meantime, you'll enjoy everything that life has to offer.

Speaking of enjoying life... you ask me what's so great about being single, and how I would know since I'm married.

Well, I was single for many more years than I've been married (it's still plenty fresh in my mind) and I can tell you that it's not about "loving" being single or "loving" being married...

It's about LOVING YOUR LIFE no matter what phase you're in.

When I was single, I loved my life because I got to spend time with my friends, I had an great job and enjoyed some pretty cool career successes, and I got to go on dates with interesting, fun guys.

Yes, some men were duds. Yes, some dates were disasters. Yes, I even got DUMPED a few times in my day. So why didn't this take me down for the count? Because I didn't make these guys my LIFE... I HAD a fabulous life and I was trying these guys out to see if they fit in it.

And one day, I found the man who did.

Yes, he's an amazing guy. Yes, I'm glad every day that I married him. But guess what? Marriage is not the end-all, be-all magical recipe for happiness either.

I'm happy today in the same way that I've always been happy - because I still have those great friends I had in my single days (and some pretty cool new ones too!). I have an even BETTER job - connecting with, and helping - women like YOU - and I can't tell you how much fulfillment I get from that.

The relationship I have with my husband brings me joy beyond measure, but even on days when we're on each other's nerves (sorry honey!), I still have my very own happiness that would be there if I were to become single tomorrow.

(This is the secret formula to keeping our marriage fresh and exciting too... because we have our own lives, we have more to share with one another.)

Penelope, I'm sorry that you're alone. I don't mean to make light of your loneliness. (I've been there myself, and it's not easy.) I'm sorry if I've come off to you as the head of the "Dating Without Drama" cheerleading squad - with a peppiness and positivity that seems too good to be true.

I just get excited because I KNOW that I've discovered the secret to achieving the dating life of your dreams, and I just want to scream it from the rooftops so women don't have to suffer through painful, confusing, and dramatic relationships anymore.

I DO believe that every woman deserves love - YOU included - and that old wounds and insecurities CAN be healed to make everyone capable and worthy of a healthy, loving relationship.

You say that everyone tells you that "the guy will come." The thing is, Penelope, when you hold onto that negative, self-defeating attitude, he's probably NOT going to come. That's because you've closed yourself off and - whether you're conscious of it or not - are sending the signal "stay away." Men are just as afraid of rejection as women are, and they are not going to approach you when you're giving off such an unapproachable vibe.

Albert Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting different results." You've been carrying around that "being single sucks" and "I'll never meet a man" attitude every day and the result is that you're alone.

Maybe it's time to try something different.

My hope for you is that you can open your heart and mind to the possibility that this positive thinking thing might actually work for you like it has so many other women who are Dating Without Drama.

Hang in there Penelope... I hope that you'll stay in touch and send me an update!

Speaking of how "Dating Without Drama" is working wonders for other women...

Here are some fabulous SUCCESS STORIES I hope will inspire Penelope and you too, Benjamin:

Hi Paige,
Just to let you know I have read Dating Without Drama. I now realize where I completely went wrong in the past - oh my Lord I was definitely dating "with" drama back then.

I changed my dating strategy since reading your book and decided to have a go at the guidelines you suggest. I have been out this weekend putting them into practice with AMAZING results.

Firstly I was approached by two guys one Friday and one on Saturday. Both of whom showed interest. I put your book into practice smiling doing all the things you suggested. At one point I even went off with my friend and had a dance leaving them behind and was approached by ANOTHER man. When the first guy who approached me saw this he dove in between the middle of us and said "hey remember me?!"

Anyhow, just following your book is doing wonders I never believed possible.

The other guy I met Saturday night asked ME for my number. I never even suggested asking for his this time as I would have done before. He called me last night (as per your book that means "very interested.") Your advice definitely works. I have a date Friday night now. Wow!

Well Paige I shall keep you updated as to my dating life and thanks so much for your book. I knew I needed guidance but your book is showing me AMAZING RESULTS.

My friends are jealous already - especially considering these guys are actually YOUNGER than me!!!!
Regards
Corinne

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Hi Paige,
For three weeks I have been following your advice and I am absolutely stunned and amazed at how much my dating life has changed...

I am still single, but instead of feeling like I am in limbo between relationships I now feel that I am happily in a relationship with myself. And guess what? I have no intention of becoming a girlfriend to the next guy who shows interest for that reason alone... The next relationship I enter into will be with a man that truly deserves someone as amazing and special as I am.

This new attitude for some reason has made me completely irresistible to what seems like all man kind!

Thanks for your insights. I go forth into dating and relationships with a newfound confidence and I know that my future dating experiences will be much happier, without drama and with successful outcomes... I cant wait!
Love from Kelli

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Paige,
I have sat at this computer for the last half hour simply trying to put into words the IMMENSE feelings I have in my heart for you and how you have helped to empower me in what seemed to be a long endless journey of heart-ache, pain, humiliation, frustration, endless feelings of loss.

YOU ARE A GIRLFRIEND'S SOUL SAVER!!!!!

Paige, you have helped me to learn how to love and respect myself.
Lauri

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Hi Paige,
I thoroughly enjoy your messages. I dated someone long distance who came to see me last month from Florida (I live in NY) and after the I love you's he stopped calling last week for whatever reason.

My reaction was taking myself for a 1 and 1/2 hour massage, had Japanese food at my favorite restaurant alone, then bought myself a dozen beautiful roses. I rented a few movies (all comedies) and feel content.

Your tips help. I will respond to those who respond to me. Life is too short to worry about why men in their forties refuse to be accountable for their behavior. For me the important piece is staying open to the fact that NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME, THERE ARE STILL SOME TERRIFIC GUYS out there.

With this in mind I will eventually meet one who I'm compatible with. In the mean time life is too short to spend it unhappy.
Bella

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I think Bella said it best today:

"Life's too short to spend it unhappy."

Benjamin, are you tired of feeling unhappy with your dating life?

Are you ready for a SIMPLE, FAST, and FUN plan that will DRASTICALLY improve both your personal happiness and your prospects for real and lasting love?

If so, you're just one click away!

To get your instant download of my ebook "Dating Without Drama," just Click Here

Have a great day and I'll DISH with you again soon!

Your friend,
Paige

PS - Got a friend who's feeling down about her love life? Help her turn it around... Forward her this article!

 

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