Dating After Divorce: Confidence
Tricks To Attract Women After Your Divorce
Your Guide To Quickly Getting Back Into "The Dating Game" After A Divorce Or
Breakup
By Ken Kennedy
www.Double Your Dating.com
If the thought of getting "out
there" and asking an attractive woman for her number or email literally
scares the pants off you, then you MUST learn my 3 step technique to get ANY
woman's number.
Do you feel like your confidence has
taken a hit from your divorce?
Do you feel like you've "lost your edge" and maybe don't have what
it takes anymore to go out and confidently meet new women?
Does it feel just too painful to even CONSIDER getting out there and
trying to start a new life for yourself?
If so, then I can tell you from my own experience, that you're not
alone. I remember times in my own life when I spent a lot of my time
alone because I just felt like I couldn't handle the possibility of
rejection, of putting myself "out there." And after my divorce, I
always wondered if women would want to date a man my age or with my
baggage (my ex, my kid, my alimony/child support payments, etc).
The good news is that I discovered (through lots of painful trial
and error) an easy way to put myself "back in the game" without
risking potentially painful situations.
In a moment, I'm going to share with you a secret to get your
confidence back, it's a "trick" you can use for the rest of your
life to take your confidence to higher and HIGHER levels - in every
aspect of your life and in every interaction you have with the
people around you.
And that's a good thing - not only because confidence feels GREAT
but also because it's the #1 force to attract high quality women
into your life.
HOW DIVORCE KILLS THE CONFIDENCE OF MAN
You've probably heard the statistic:
Divorce is the second most emotionally traumatic experience in life,
right next to the death of a loved one.
So let me start off by saying we as men coming out of divorce have
every right NOT to feel confident for a good long while.
I mean, you just came out of a DIVORCE - the woman that you pledged
your love and eternal devotion to, whom you thought you were going
to spend your life with "happily EVER after"... just drop-kicked you
to the curb and hopped in her shiny red sports car and sped away.
How good could that really make you feel?
And even if YOU were the one who initiated the split, it's still a
real loss with real PAIN that can do real DAMAGE to your confidence.
Here are just a few ways divorce can mess with a man's confidence:
-The loss of a relationship you hoped and expected would last a life
time. GONE forever.
-Your ex's constant assaults on your self-esteem, and the feeling
that no matter how hard you tried it was never enough for her.
Translation: she told you over and over again that you were a
loser... and you started to believe her.
- She cheated on you. Period.
- She does everything in her power to kill the love and respect your
kids have for you, like limiting your access to them... and God only
knows what she's telling them about you when you're not around.
- The financial turmoil divorce creates with lawyers'
fees, alimony, and child support all adding up to a hell of a lot of
money sucked out of your budget
- The guilt of divorce if you were the one who initiated it. If you
have kids, this guilt is 10 times worse.
OK, so if you're NOT feeling any of these things and you already
know that you can confidently walk into any situation and pick up
the woman you want quickly and successfully, then you can stop
reading this right now and go give yourself a pat on the back, Mr.
Superman.
But if your divorce has put a leak in your self-confidence, then you
need to learn exactly how I overcame my own confidence issues with a
technique that I've seen hundreds of other guys successfully use.
IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE EMOTIONALLY READY
Some guys write in and say, "But Ken, I'm just not in a good place.
I'm recently divorced and just not quite ready to be 'out there'
yet."
I think most men feel guilty or embarrassed if they're not quite
"emotionally ready" to date again after divorce. Like they're less
of a man if the divorce has kicked them in the ass and really
screwed with their heads.
But the fact is, emotionally recovering from a divorce can take some
time. Don't take this fact PERSONALLY.
Divorce can humble the strongest man, so if it's humbled you or is
humbling you right now, hey, you're in good company.
In fact, for most guys it's actually a SMART thing to have some
"down time" to recuperate after divorce. Statistics show that men
typically start dating again after divorce sooner than women but
that these "rebound relationships" usually fail, which does even
MORE damage to your confidence.
So if you're a little hesitant about getting back "out there,"
that's actually a GOOD sign.
Many men rush out and start looking for a woman who is the exact
OPPOSITE of their ex.
But they don't notice that these new women who are so different than
their ex also come with a whole host of behavioral and emotional
problems of their own... just DIFFERENT ones than your ex's.
Here's one other quick point to consider:
If you're in the middle of divorce negotiations and your ex finds
out you're dating someone new, my own personal advice to you is
WATCH OUT.
"Hell has no fury like a woman scorned."
'Nuff said.
HOW
LONG SHOULD YOU WAIT
If you're reading this right now and you're thinking that it all
seems to much, you probably want to know how long is "normal" to
wait before diving back into the dating scene.
I wish I had some magical formula for figuring out when the time is
right… but there's simply not.
Only you can decide when that time is. My advice is that it's OK to
WAIT, and don't judge yourself for it.
But if your waiting period is long, say more than 12 months, ask
yourself if perhaps you're prolonging your transition time due to
the normal fears that all men experience about dating.
What I'm trying to say is that dating process is full of fear for
just about EVERY guy. It won't become less fearful the longer you
wait.
Don't use your divorce as a PERPETUAL EXCUSE not to face your fears
about dating.
If you're doing this, realize it... then move forward.
THE SOLUTION TO JUMP STARTING YOUR CONFIDENCE
When I first got divorced, I felt like the typical "fish out of
water." I had been out of the dating game for so long, I had no
reference point to figure out how dating worked any more.
Because it had been what felt like a lifetime since I had dated, I
had very little confidence going in.. and what confidence I DID have
I soon lost when my first new dating experiences ended in fiery
crashes.
Here are 2 tips I learned from the experience of nursing my own
confidence back to health:
#1 First, don't make it harder by being hard on yourself.
If you're like me, you have a little "gremlin" inside your head who
loves to continually criticize what you do, how you don't measure
up, why you have it bad, how someone is more deserving that you,
etc.
In other words, he loves being hard on you.
And if you don't "tame" your gremlin, that little bugger will keep
your confidence down in the dumps. (Richard Carlson wrote a great
book called "Taming Your Gremlin," and you should check it out.)
SO WHAT if you don't have rock-star confidence right now. Take it
easy on yourself. Don't judge yourself for it or over analyze what's
going on (God knows there are probably enough people you know who
are already doing this analysis for you...).
Just be with how you are right now. Accept it as it is right now,
and realize that with time you will get your confidence back.
Things are always in motion, and life happens in cycles. Nothing is
ever constant or at rest.
"This too shall pass..." I've found this to be true both for the
good times, AND for the bad times.
#2 Second, when you're ready to meet women again, make sure you know
EXACTLY what it takes to attract women - and the one thing that will
actually REPEL women more than anything else.
You know what it is that repels women more than any other?
NEEDINESS.
Most men coming out of divorce have "I'm needy" tattooed across
their forehead. Women are much more tuned in to what is going on
beneath the surface than men are.
If you're feeling needy and insecure, most any woman you approach
will see that INSTANTLY and go running in the opposite direction.
Have you ever met or dated a woman that you just KNEW from the first
meeting, had some personal "baggage" to deal with, a woman who
appeared to be outgoing and secure, but you just KNEW deep down was
the kind of needy person who would always look for your approval?
How did you feel about this woman?
Did you like the fact that she had some 'issues'?
Or did her clingy neediness make you want to ask for the check and
make a quick exit?
Well, that's how she's going to feel about YOU if you're not
careful.
So how do you move from feeling alone and "needy" to being in a
place where you are confident and secure both inside and out?
AN ABUNDANCE OF RESOURCES.
In the dating world, if you don't want to come across as needy (even
if deep down you really are NOT needy), it really helps to have more
than one woman in your life.
And the more women you have in your pipeline, the less needy you'll
be.
You'll find that the more women you have around you, the EASIER it
is to keep attracting even more.
Women like to be around a man who is "in demand". They figure if
other women think he's hot, then he must be hot.
I recently read that certain female animals make their mating
decisions entirely by finding the male with the most females around
him. There's a lot to be said about "social proof" and "group
think."
It seems that us humans are wired to use other people's decisions as
a SHORTCUT to making our own.
APPROACHING WOMEN INCREASES CONFIDENCE
One short-cut to boosting your confidence in women is learning how
to approach them.
There's A LOT to this, but here's something that will get you going:
1) Understand that when you learn to approach women in random places
(coffee shops, gas stations, book stores) you IMMEDIATELY put
yourself above 95% of other guys on the face of the planet, at least
in her eyes, because 95% of guys can't approach. It's a skill worth
learning.
2) Come up with a sincere compliment you can use for just about any
woman you meet. The compliment must be on a woman's beauty, energy,
vibe, etc. No compliments on purses, shoes, cars, or anything
impersonal. "Excuse me, I don't know exactly how to say this, but
you are absolutely beautiful" worked fantastic for me for years.
Think of you're own.
3) Do "hit-and-runs" with every attractive woman you see.
Walk up, give your compliment, then say bye and leave her to bask in
the glow of your random kindness. Don't ask for her number or email.
That's why I call this the hit and RUN.
4) Practice maintaining eye contact during the interaction.
5) After you do this 20 times, then you can add basic small talk
after the compliment (you're name, where she's from, what she's
doing, etc).
6) After 20 more time - or sooner if you're comfortable - end every
approach by suggesting, "Nice meeting you.
I should get your number before I leave," or something similar.
Developing your ability to approach any woman, any where is one of
the most powerful things you can do to boost your confidence with
women.
EDUCATE YOURSELF ON ATTRACTION
Perhaps the most important thing you can do to get your confidence
back quickly is to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you.
Here's some quick facts:
1) Women don't feel attraction for guys because they're nice.
2) Women don't feel attraction for guys because their boring and
predictable (although most guys are).
3) Women don't feel attraction for guys who communicate they have
lower STATUS than them.
If you're trying to attract women by being extra nice to them,
you're headed in the wrong direction. Being nice may work in
marriages, but it doesn't work in the dating world.
What works in the dating world is challenge... humor...
confidence... composure... etc.
To get all the details and learn more tips about having unstoppable
confidence with women... PLUS discover a simple move that will drive
any woman CRAZY anticipating your first kiss... just go here:
www.Double Your Dating.com
To your success with women,
Ken Kennedy
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