How To Date Fun Women And Avoid Drama
Your Guide To Quickly Getting Back Into "The Dating Game" After A Divorce Or Breakup by Ken Kennedy www.Double Your Dating.com
Do you ever wish you could "casually" date women without any strings attached, and with no guilt or drama? If you want to fill your life after divorce with fun and sexy encounters with new women read on.
I'm divorced and 51. I'm now dating 2 girls, both in early 20's. Because of my works requiring traveling, the girls are in 2 different towns. I know one for more than 1 year. She promise she is not seeing another guy and want me not to see another girl. The second girl, I know for about 8 months and also require the same promise. The second one comes to my apartment to stay quite often. The first one, I go to her town to see her and we go to holidays. She only come to my apartment twice (Luckily, that time, the second one is not around).
What should I do if I want to keep dating both now since I am not
sure which one is suitable ?
Please advise. Thanks.
-L., from Thailand
Let me sum up this whole situation in one phrase:
You're being a P-USSY.
Yes, that's right. I dig you, L., but right now you need some "tough love." You're behaving in a way that is weak, irresponsible, and definitely doesn't help you lead your life in a way that'll help you earn your own self-respect.
Divorce has the opportunity to show us areas where we haven't "grown up" yet and become mature men.
This is what's happening in your situation. You're still stuck in a boyish pattern of choice called "I want to have my cake and eat it too."
"But I want to see both of the girls, it's just that they don't want me to see anybody else..."
So you HIDE IT from them? Let me ask you, how do you FEEL when you
hide this from them?
Or are you totally OK with it?
Let me ask you an even better question:
How would you like it if you were dating a woman, and you were totally in to her, and you told her you weren't dating anyone else and that you didn't want HER dating anyone else, but then you found out that behind your back she was seeing some other guy?
I bet you'd feel pretty shitty.
Is that the kind of man you want to be? Or do you want to be the kind of man who steps up to the plate and does the difficult, courageous thing of actually being HONEST in his relationships?
The fascinating thing about becoming more of a man is that you realize many of the things that used to scare you are nothing more than "paper tigers."
You thought they were a big deal, but as it turns out, they're not.
You'll have to decide for yourself what to do with the 2 girls. But if you decide to tell them the truth, that you like them but you're not ready to go exclusive just quite yet, you may be surprised by their reaction.
Sure, one or both of them might leave you. But this actually would be a very good thing, because it'd give you the opportunity to start your next relationship from a place of HONESTY rather than LYING.
But you may also find that they respect you more as a man for telling the truth... and they may even feel more ATTRACTION to you because of it... and they just might try to win you over by giving you a better time than the other woman.
Just a thought.
I have been dating younger women (28, 30, and 34) and find them to be great if they have kids of their own. If they are single without children they seem to be much more self center and judgmental in dating older men. (I'm 48). If they are in the No Fly Zone (28-33 age never married) they find me attractive until they meet my younger kids (10 & 13) and they become much more attracted to me as they see me as father with my own kids.
(I assume that they see me as a good dad for their own future kids) I have also dated some beautiful cougars at 38-48 and they know what they want and are not afraid to ask for it. I have never felt guilty dating these younger women and find them a constant pleasure and joy to be around yet sometimes they miss my jokes and life experience I discuss with them.
What are you thoughts on the advantages and disadvantages in
staying and dating in your age bracket?
I enjoy your emails , keep up the good work.
Ed, Houston Texas
Ed, you raised some VERY valuable points that I want to touch on.
You say women who already have kids of their own can be a lot of fun. I agree, ESPECIALLY if they're past the age of having more kids... or if they know for sure they don't want to have any more.
This is tough to tell, because a woman in her 30's may SAY she doesn't want to have any more kids because she doesn't want to scare you off - but secretly she'd love for you to be the sperm donor for her next child.
If you want to avoid a lot of grief you'd be wise to practice paying attention to a woman's ACTIONS and the SITUATION she's in more than her words.
If she says she doesn't want more kids, but she's only 30, and she "jokes" about having more kids, or she asks you how you feel about having more... pay attention to what she's communicating to you. What she's saying is, "I'd love to have kids with you, but the last guy I dated was smart enough to dump me as soon as he found out I wanted more kids... so with you I'm going to proceed very cautiously. And even if now you say you don't want kids, I bet I can convince you (through sex or other manipulation) otherwise."
Don't get me wrong... I LOVE women. But when it comes to a woman's mothering instinct, you're dealing with a VERY powerful force... shaped my thousands upon thousands of generations of successfully mating.
Think about it:
Every time a woman successful got a man to make a kid with her, those genes got passed on. And those genes don't care if what worked was honest & ethical... or if it was manipulative.
The bottom line is this:
Most women will do almost ANYTHING to fulfill their mission of squeezing out another cute little baby - so always PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Don't believe what a woman SAYS, look at her ACTIONS and her SITUATION.
And remember, never EVER let your "seed" go anywhere you don't want it to go.
Birth control is YOUR responsibility, not a woman's - and the last thing you need is another bugger running around.
It's amazing how often women "accidentally" forget to take their pill when they find a great guy who would make an awesome father.
Now, if you're seeing a mother who is PAST child bearing age, or for some other reason you know can't/won't have more kids, great, just make sure the kids have a good relationship with their dad and that mom is receiving her child support payments with no problem.
Watch out for women who are looking for a better daddy for their kids, or who have financial strain and are looking for a sugar daddy. Don't be a hero. Don't be a martyr. The world is FULL of women - if you want a woman without baggage, go out and find her. You've got enough drama in your life - you don't need another woman adding more.
You say that women in the "No Fly Zone (28-33)" are more attracted to you once they see how great of a dad you are because they see you as a good dad for their own future kids.
ABSOLUTELY. This is the danger I've been talking about.
Dating these women successfully is very difficult because they have an AGENDA. They'll overlook parts of your personality that they HATE because their damn biological clock is winding down and they're on a mission to procreate.
Ed, what are you doing introducing a woman to your kids before you've been dating her exclusively for 6 months?
It doesn't send a good message to your kids when they see women coming in and our of your life all the time.
Let me ask you another question:
What's the upside of introducing a woman to your kids sooner rather than later?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, except maybe the convenience of bringing the woman to your place whether or not the kids are around.
You want to keep the respect of your kids? Then be darn sure any woman you introduce them to is going to be around for a long time... and the 6 Month Rule is the surest way of making this happen.
Yeah, the rule is a pain in the ass.. but it works. I know you love your kids enough to put them before mere convenience.
(By the way, I love your "No Fly Zone" phrase. I'm going to steal it.) Next up, let's discuss "cougars" for a sec:
You talk about beautiful cougars... and all I can say is... yes yes YES!!!
Women who are past the child-bearing years can be SO MUCH DAMN FUN. Years of sexual experience... an open attitude to no strings attached relationships... it's all good, especially for a guy coming out of divorce who doesn't want to (and shouldn't) rush right into another serious relationship.
If you can put up with a wrinkle here and a sag there, you're in for a real good time.
Finally, you say that younger women are a pleasure to be around but sometimes they miss your jokes and they lack the life experience to relate to what you talk about.
Your situation points to a very common problem men face in dating AND marriage. The problem is expecting ONE WOMAN to meet ALL your needs.
I think us guys buy into the whole romantic fantasy of "happily ever after" almost as much as women do.
And implicit in this fantasy is the idea that one person can meet all your needs.
The reality is this RARELY happens. But when one or both people in a relationship EXPECT it to happen, it creates conflict, frustration, and eventually can lead to the end of the relationship.
In my opinion, many marriages fail due to unrealistic, super-human expectations.
So, don't have unrealistic expectations of younger women.
Don't expect them to be more mature than they are. If they can't hold a certain level of conversation with you, stop expecting them to, damn it. Enjoy them in other ways.
Maybe the cougars you're dating can fulfill your need for mental stimulation.
But don't ruin a great thing by expecting one woman to fulfill all
your needs. It's great if you can find it, but in the meantime, have
realistic expectations and be open to spreading your needs across
several different women.
... and if you're reading this right now and you're thinking "Man, I need to start learning this stuff and get this part of my life handled," then YOU ARE RIGHT.
And there's no better time than right now.
Of all the "evil forces" that keep people from making positive change in their lives, I think the #1 force is PROCRASTINATION.
"Yeah, yeah, I know I should do x... but I'll get to it a little later..."
OF COURSE you will.
Learn a simple
move that will drive almost any woman CRAZY anticipating your first
kiss (it's a move you can use over and over for the rest of your
watch this video
To your success with women,