Dating After Divorce And How To
Date Fun Women And Avoid Drama
Your Guide To Quickly Getting Back Into "The Dating Game" After A Divorce Or
Breakup
By Ken Kennedy
www.Double Your Dating.com
Do you ever wish you could "casually" date
women without any strings attached, and with no guilt or drama? If you want
to fill your life after divorce with fun and sexy encounters with new women
read on.
***QUESTION***
Hi Ken,
I'm divorced and 51. I'm now dating 2 girls, both in early 20's.
Because of my works requiring traveling, the girls are in 2
different towns. I know one for more than 1 year. She promise she is
not seeing another guy and want me not to see another girl. The
second girl, I know for about 8 months and also require the same
promise. The second one comes to my apartment to stay quite often.
The first one, I go to her town to see her and we go to holidays.
She only come to my apartment twice (Luckily, that time, the second
one is not around).
What should I do if I want to keep dating both now since I am not
sure which one is suitable ?
Please advise. Thanks.
-L., from Thailand
Ken Kennedy:
Let me sum up this whole situation in one phrase:
You're being a P-USSY.
Yes, that's right. I dig you, L., but right now you need some "tough
love." You're behaving in a way that is weak, irresponsible, and
definitely doesn't help you lead your life in a way that'll help you
earn your own self-respect.
Divorce has the opportunity to show us areas where we haven't "grown
up" yet and become mature men.
This is what's happening in your situation. You're still stuck in a
boyish pattern of choice called "I want to have my cake and eat it
too."
"But I want to see both of the girls, it's just that they don't want
me to see anybody else..."
So you HIDE IT from them? Let me ask you, how do you FEEL when you
hide this from them?
Dishonest? Sneaky?
Or are you totally OK with it?
Let me ask you an even better question:
How would you like it if you were dating a woman, and you were
totally in to her, and you told her you weren't dating anyone else
and that you didn't want HER dating anyone else, but then you found
out that behind your back she was seeing some other guy?
I bet you'd feel pretty shitty.
Is that the kind of man you want to be? Or do you want to be the
kind of man who steps up to the plate and does the difficult,
courageous thing of actually being HONEST in his relationships?
The fascinating thing about becoming more of a man is that you
realize many of the things that used to scare you are nothing more
than "paper tigers."
You thought they were a big deal, but as it turns out, they're not.
You'll have to decide for yourself what to do with the 2 girls. But
if you decide to tell them the truth, that you like them but you're
not ready to go exclusive just quite yet, you may be surprised by
their reaction.
Sure, one or both of them might leave you. But this actually would
be a very good thing, because it'd give you the opportunity to start
your next relationship from a place of HONESTY rather than LYING.
But you may also find that they respect you more as a man for
telling the truth... and they may even feel more ATTRACTION to you
because of it... and they just might try to win you over by giving
you a better time than the other woman.
Just a thought.
***QUESTION***
Ken,
I have been dating younger women (28, 30, and 34) and find them to
be great if they have kids of their own. If they are single without
children they seem to be much more self center and judgmental in
dating older men. (I'm 48). If they are in the No Fly Zone (28-33
age never married) they find me attractive until they meet my
younger kids (10 & 13) and they become much more attracted to me as
they see me as father with my own kids. (I assume that they see me
as a good dad for their own future kids) I have also dated some
beautiful cougars at 38-48 and they know what they want and are not
afraid to ask for it. I have never felt guilty dating these younger
women and find them a constant pleasure and joy to be around yet
sometimes they miss my jokes and life experience I discuss with
them. What are you thoughts on the advantages and disadvantages in
staying and dating in your age bracket?
I enjoy your emails , keep up the good work.
Ed, Houston Texas
Ken Kennedy:
Ed, you raised some VERY valuable points that I want to touch on.
You say women who already have kids of their own can be a lot of
fun. I agree, ESPECIALLY if they're past the age of having more
kids... or if they know for sure they don't want to have any more.
This is tough to tell, because a woman in her 30's may SAY she
doesn't want to have any more kids because she doesn't want to scare
you off - but secretly she'd love for you to be the sperm donor for
her next child.
If you want to avoid a lot of grief you'd be wise to practice paying
attention to a woman's ACTIONS and the SITUATION she's in more than
her words.
If she says she doesn't want more kids, but she's only 30, and she
"jokes" about having more kids, or she asks you how you feel about
having more... pay attention to what she's communicating to you.
What she's saying is, "I'd love to have kids with you, but the last
guy I dated was smart enough to dump me as soon as he found out I
wanted more kids... so with you I'm going to proceed very
cautiously. And even if now you say you don't want kids, I bet I can
convince you (through sex or other manipulation) otherwise."
Don't get me wrong... I LOVE women. But when it comes to a woman's
mothering instinct, you're dealing with a VERY powerful force...
shaped my thousands upon thousands of generations of successfully
mating.
Think about it:
Every time a woman successful got a man to make a kid with her,
those genes got passed on. And those genes don't care if what worked
was honest & ethical... or if it was manipulative.
The bottom line is this:
Most women will do almost ANYTHING to fulfill their mission of
squeezing out another cute little baby - so always PROCEED WITH
CAUTION.
Don't believe what a woman SAYS, look at her ACTIONS and her
SITUATION.
And remember, never EVER let your "seed" go anywhere you don't want
it to go.
Birth control is YOUR responsibility, not a woman's - and the last
thing you need is another bugger running around.
It's amazing how often women "accidentally" forget to take their
pill when they find a great guy who would make an awesome father.
Now, if you're seeing a mother who is PAST child bearing age, or for
some other reason you know can't/won't have more kids, great, just
make sure the kids have a good relationship with their dad and that
mom is receiving her child support payments with no problem.
Watch out for women who are looking for a better daddy for their
kids, or who have financial strain and are looking for a sugar
daddy. Don't be a hero. Don't be a martyr. The world is FULL of
women - if you want a woman without baggage, go out and find her.
You've got enough drama in your life - you don't need another woman
adding more.
You say that women in the "No Fly Zone (28-33)" are more attracted
to you once they see how great of a dad you are because they see you
as a good dad for their own future kids.
ABSOLUTELY. This is the danger I've been talking about.
Dating these women successfully is very difficult because they have
an AGENDA. They'll overlook parts of your personality that they HATE
because their damn biological clock is winding down and they're on a
mission to procreate.
Ed, what are you doing introducing a woman to your kids before
you've been dating her exclusively for 6 months?
It doesn't send a good message to your kids when they see women
coming in and our of your life all the time.
Let me ask you another question:
What's the upside of introducing a woman to your kids sooner rather
than later?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, except maybe the convenience of bringing the
woman to your place whether or not the kids are around.
You want to keep the respect of your kids? Then be darn sure any
woman you introduce them to is going to be around for a long time...
and the 6 Month Rule is the surest way of making this happen.
Yeah, the rule is a pain in the ass.. but it works. I know you love
your kids enough to put them before mere convenience.
(By the way, I love your "No Fly Zone" phrase. I'm going to steal
it.) Next up, let's discuss "cougars" for a sec:
You talk about beautiful cougars... and all I can say is... yes yes
YES!!!
Women who are past the child-bearing years can be SO MUCH DAMN FUN.
Years of sexual experience... an open attitude to no strings
attached relationships... it's all good, especially for a guy coming
out of divorce who doesn't want to (and shouldn't) rush right into
another serious relationship.
If you can put up with a wrinkle here and a sag there, you're in for
a real good time.
Finally, you say that younger women are a pleasure to be around but
sometimes they miss your jokes and they lack the life experience to
relate to what you talk about.
Your situation points to a very common problem men face in dating
AND marriage. The problem is expecting ONE WOMAN to meet ALL your
needs.
I think us guys buy into the whole romantic fantasy of "happily ever
after" almost as much as women do.
And implicit in this fantasy is the idea that one person can meet
all your needs.
The reality is this RARELY happens. But when one or both people in a
relationship EXPECT it to happen, it creates conflict, frustration,
and eventually can lead to the end of the relationship.
In my opinion, many marriages fail due to unrealistic, super-human
expectations.
So, don't have unrealistic expectations of younger women.
Don't expect them to be more mature than they are. If they can't
hold a certain level of conversation with you, stop expecting them
to, damn it. Enjoy them in other ways.
Maybe the cougars you're dating can fulfill your need for mental
stimulation.
But don't ruin a great thing by expecting one woman to fulfill all
your needs. It's great if you can find it, but in the meantime, have
realistic expectations and be open to spreading your needs across
several different women.
... and if you're reading this right now and you're thinking "Man, I
need to start learning this stuff and get this part of my life
handled," then YOU ARE RIGHT.
And there's no better time than right now.
Of all the "evil forces" that keep people from making positive
change in their lives, I think the #1 force is PROCRASTINATION.
"Yeah, yeah, I know I should do x... but I'll get to it a little
later..."
OF COURSE you will.
Learn a simple
move that will drive almost any woman CRAZY anticipating your first
kiss (it's a move you can use over and over for the rest of your
life):
www.Double Your Dating.com
To your success with women,
Ken Kennedy
500+ Dating Service Reviews
