Dating After Divorce: If you're
divorced, over 35, and you'd like to meet women 10+ years younger than you
but feel guilty about it, here is how to find your solution.
Your Guide To Quickly Getting Back Into "The Dating Game" After A Divorce Or
Breakup
By Ken Kennedy
www.Double Your Dating.com
Ken Kennedy:
I get emails all the time from guys who ask something like, "Ken, I want to
date younger women, but I don't feel that it's exactly 'right'. I'm in my
40's, I'm attracted to women in their late 20's, but I feel too guilty to
even try to meet them."
This is a common scenario for guys coming out of divorce.
So let me ask you, has this ever happened to YOU?
Have you ever seen a younger woman you felt attracted to, but immediately
afterward you felt GUILTY for having "dirty" thoughts about a woman so much
younger than you?
And perhaps in your mind you imagined yourself going up to her and starting
a conversation - but you knew if you did and she took issue with your age,
you'd feel like a complete JACK-ASS... or even a pervert.
Most guys over 35 or so have guilt about dating, or even simply being
ATTRACTED to, younger women.
And yet there are thousands and thousands of guys in their 40's, 50's, and
beyond who date women 10-20 years younger then they are... and them seem to
be pretty damn happy.
So what gives?
Is it "wrong" to date younger women?
If you feel guilty about wanting to meet and get to know younger women, I'm
going to teach you right now how to figure out once and for all if your
guilt is warranted and rational, or if it's a "mistaken emotion" that's
preventing you from enjoying perfectly ethical experiences with youthful,
attractive women.
WHEN
IS A WOMAN "TOO YOUNG" FOR YOU?
Once I recovered emotionally from my divorce and began dating again, I dated
women of all ages - some of them were older, but most of them were YOUNGER.
To be honest, personally I don't have a "thing" for younger women. I like
them, sure... but there's also a hell of a lot an older woman can offer a
man, too.
In other words, I don't let age factor in all that much on the women I date.
But many divorced guys DO have a "thing" for younger women and the problem
is they feel GUILTY about it, even if you can hardly open a magazine without
seeing some male celebrity in his 40's or 50's dating a 22 year old
super-model.
You probably look at these pictures and think to yourself, "That lucky dog!
If I'd love to get to know a young woman like that."
Most guys THINK they'd jump all over the chance to meet a younger women...
but most of them WOULDN'T - even if a young super-model walked right up and
asked them to buy her a drink.
Why?
Because they'd feel to damn GUILTY. But is there a time when young becomes
TOO YOUNG?
I'll give you a very definitive answer on that important question in just a
second.
MY THEORY ON WHY MEN FEEL GUILTY ABOUT BEING ATTRACTED TO YOUNGER WOMEN
I want to talk to you about 2 of the reasons men feel guilty about dating
younger women.
The first falls under the category of "A Good Intention Gone Bad."
It seems in life that when we take a good intention to an extreme, it causes
very negative things to happen.
I was reading an article in Esquire magazine about a successful restaurateur
in New York. He said something universally profound, obvious, and yet
usually ignored. He said, "Any strength taken to an extreme becomes a
weakness."
And the best intention in the world, taken to an extreme, becomes something
that will come around to bite you in the ass.
If you want to improve your health and you start working out 7 days a week,
go vegetarian, and pop 50 "vitamins"
a day... you're probably going to wind up in the hospital.
You have a great intention - to get healthy - but if you take it too far it
has the OPPOSITE effect from what you really want.
When it comes to women, many of us guys try to live and "ethical life," and
that means not taking advantage of other people - and especially not taking
advantage of women.
I personally believe this is a cornerstone of living a "good", respectable,
fulfilling life.
But if you take this noble intent TOO FAR, you'll miss out on plenty of
younger women who are mature adults, completely aware and able to
responsibly consent to meeting and dating men of whatever age they choose.
Could the guilt you have about younger women be a good intention taken too
far?
OLDER, INSECURE WOMEN AS A SOURCE OF GUILT
I also think our guilt for feeling attracted to younger women comes from
OLDER WOMEN who have BRAINWASHED us.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE women, and I love older women, too. I've
certainly dated my share of them.
And as you may have heard me say before, I believe dating some older women
is a smart first step for guys after a divorce...
for reasons I talk about in other places.
But many older women - especially insecure or bitter older women - see
younger women as a THREAT.
They know that men are powerfully attracted to beauty, and let's face it,
LOOKS FADE. In the beauty game, younger women have the upper hand.
Feeling insecure about this, older women go on the offensive and say things
like "Look at him with that younger woman. She can't be more than 23. How
sick is that..."
When we hear women saying this over and over and over, we get sucked into
feeling guilty about our OWN attraction to these younger women. In other
words, we buy into what we're being fed.
You'll
have to decide for yourself what you want to believe - maybe these women
have a point... or maybe these older women simply feel threatened when they
see men oogling over women much younger than them.
THE ANSWER TO MY INITIAL QUESTION
So is there a point where "young" becomes 'TOO YOUNG?"
My answer is: ABSOLUTELY.
If you're interested in meeting underage GIRLS - rather than young WOMEN -
then you've got a problem and you need to go right now and get some
professional help, man.
Meeting underage women is NOT what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about
guys in the 40's and 50's meeting women in their 20's and 30's.
So here's a piece of practical advice:
Ask yourself, "What specific age would a woman need to fall under for me to
definitely say that she's too young for me?"
Most guys never ask themselves this question.
Instead, they see a woman who's a bit younger and then they take their
discomfort at meeting IN GENERAL, project it on to the woman in front them,
and tell themselves, "Oh, she's too young for me."
What I'm trying to say here is that most guys use a younger woman's age as a
cop-out for "manning up" and meeting her.
So, as a tool to get around this "excuse-itis" of the brain, it's really
helpful to figure out your rules about dating and age.
That way, the next time your brain starts telling you a woman is too young
for you, you simply find out if she's below your cut-off or not. If she is,
move on. If she's not, move forward.
THE DEEPER QUESTION AT ISSUE HERE
Most men, and most people in general, allow society to dictate how they feel
about certain situations. Maturing as a man means taking a good hard look at
what you believe in and how you live your life, and figuring out if it's how
society wants you to live or if it's how YOU want to live.
And this certainly applies to who we allow ourselves to express our
attraction to.
Again, I'm NOT talking about attraction to under-age women.
If you have those feelings, go talk to a therapist.
I'm talking about younger WOMEN here.
If you're 40 and attracted to women in their 20's, but you feel guilty about
it, you need to figure out WHY you feel guilty... and if it's a good reason.
My friend David DeAngelo says "Attraction Isn't A Choice." And to a large
extent, I agree.
We can't CHOOSE who we feel attracted to, and if we feel guilty about who
we're attracted to it causes all sorts of internal conflict and stress.
If the women you're attracted to happens to be women that society says you
"shouldn't" have feelings for, you'll need to decide for yourself what you
should do.
I believe if you have an attraction to a certain kind of woman, follow that
urge - its what turns you on.
Of course, if that urge leads you to underage women, farm animals, or
kitchen utensils you're a sick bastard and should get some help man.
(I've got a doctor friend who has some crazy stories about patients coming
in to the ER with small kitchen tools in various orifices, I'll spare you
the details.)
Our time here on earth is precious - don't waste it fighting your natural
drives. And for a lot of divorced guys, those natural drives include
attraction to youthful women. If you decide younger women are OK, then give
yourself PERMISSION to move ahead.
Of course, there's a lot more to dating younger women than just getting over
guilt. Learning what it takes to actually ATTRACT them is a much bigger
issue.
Even the entire topic of "younger women" is just a small spec in the overall
picture of recovering from divorce and creating a new life for yourself with
incredible women.
Let's face it, life after divorce can be hard, frustrating, and annoying.
But it doesn't HAVE to be.
If you learn how to avoid the mistakes most men make at this big life
transition, you can look back and honestly say that your divorce was the
best thing that ever happened to you.
And the first step is to get an education on how best to conduct your life,
and in particular your DATING life, now that you're divorced.
Learn a simple move that will drive a woman
CRAZY anticipating your first kiss... just go here:
www.Double Your Dating.com
To your success with women,
Ken Kennedy
500+ Dating Service Reviews 
