Dating After Divorce: If you're divorced, over 35, and you'd like to meet women 10+ years younger than you but feel guilty about it, here is how to find your solution.
Your Guide To Quickly Getting Back Into "The Dating Game" After A Divorce Or
Breakup By Ken Kennedy
www.Double Your Dating.com
I get emails all the time from guys who ask something like, "Ken, I want to date younger women, but I don't feel that it's exactly 'right'. I'm in my 40's, I'm attracted to women in their late 20's, but I feel too guilty to even try to meet them."
This is a common scenario for guys coming out of divorce.
So let me ask you, has this ever happened to YOU?
Have you ever seen a younger woman you felt attracted to, but immediately afterward you felt GUILTY for having "dirty" thoughts about a woman so much younger than you?
And perhaps in your mind you imagined yourself going up to her and starting a conversation - but you knew if you did and she took issue with your age, you'd feel like a complete JACK-ASS... or even a pervert.
Most guys over 35 or so have guilt about dating, or even simply being ATTRACTED to, younger women.
And yet there are thousands and thousands of guys in their 40's, 50's, and beyond who date women 10-20 years younger then they are... and them seem to be pretty damn happy.
So what gives?
Is it "wrong" to date younger women?
If you feel guilty about wanting to meet and get to know younger women, I'm going to teach you right now how to figure out once and for all if your guilt is warranted and rational, or if it's a "mistaken emotion" that's preventing you from enjoying perfectly ethical experiences with youthful, attractive women.
WHEN IS A WOMAN "TOO YOUNG" FOR YOU?
Once I recovered emotionally from my divorce and began dating again, I dated women of all ages - some of them were older, but most of them were YOUNGER.
To be honest, personally I don't have a "thing" for younger women. I like them, sure... but there's also a hell of a lot an older woman can offer a man, too.
In other words, I don't let age factor in all that much on the women I date.
But many divorced guys DO have a "thing" for younger women and the problem is they feel GUILTY about it, even if you can hardly open a magazine without seeing some male celebrity in his 40's or 50's dating a 22 year old super-model.
You probably look at these pictures and think to yourself, "That lucky dog! If I'd love to get to know a young woman like that."
Most guys THINK they'd jump all over the chance to meet a younger women... but most of them WOULDN'T - even if a young super-model walked right up and asked them to buy her a drink.
Because they'd feel to damn GUILTY. But is there a time when young becomes TOO YOUNG?
I'll give you a very definitive answer on that important question in just a second.
MY THEORY ON WHY MEN FEEL GUILTY ABOUT BEING ATTRACTED TO YOUNGER WOMEN
I want to talk to you about 2 of the reasons men feel guilty about dating younger women.
The first falls under the category of "A Good Intention Gone Bad."
It seems in life that when we take a good intention to an extreme, it causes very negative things to happen.
I was reading an article in Esquire magazine about a successful restaurateur in New York. He said something universally profound, obvious, and yet usually ignored. He said, "Any strength taken to an extreme becomes a weakness."
And the best intention in the world, taken to an extreme, becomes something that will come around to bite you in the ass.
If you want to improve your health and you start working out 7 days a week,
go vegetarian, and pop 50 "vitamins"
a day... you're probably going to wind up in the hospital.
You have a great intention - to get healthy - but if you take it too far it has the OPPOSITE effect from what you really want.
When it comes to women, many of us guys try to live and "ethical life," and that means not taking advantage of other people - and especially not taking advantage of women.
I personally believe this is a cornerstone of living a "good", respectable, fulfilling life.
But if you take this noble intent TOO FAR, you'll miss out on plenty of younger women who are mature adults, completely aware and able to responsibly consent to meeting and dating men of whatever age they choose.
Could the guilt you have about younger women be a good intention taken too far?
OLDER, INSECURE WOMEN AS A SOURCE OF GUILT
I also think our guilt for feeling attracted to younger women comes from OLDER WOMEN who have BRAINWASHED us.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE women, and I love older women, too. I've certainly dated my share of them.
And as you may have heard me say before, I believe dating some older women
is a smart first step for guys after a divorce...
for reasons I talk about in other places.
But many older women - especially insecure or bitter older women - see younger women as a THREAT.
They know that men are powerfully attracted to beauty, and let's face it, LOOKS FADE. In the beauty game, younger women have the upper hand.
Feeling insecure about this, older women go on the offensive and say things like "Look at him with that younger woman. She can't be more than 23. How sick is that..."
When we hear women saying this over and over and over, we get sucked into feeling guilty about our OWN attraction to these younger women. In other words, we buy into what we're being fed.
You'll have to decide for yourself what you want to believe - maybe these women have a point... or maybe these older women simply feel threatened when they see men oogling over women much younger than them.
THE ANSWER TO MY INITIAL QUESTION
So is there a point where "young" becomes 'TOO YOUNG?"
My answer is: ABSOLUTELY.
If you're interested in meeting underage GIRLS - rather than young WOMEN - then you've got a problem and you need to go right now and get some professional help, man.
Meeting underage women is NOT what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about guys in the 40's and 50's meeting women in their 20's and 30's.
So here's a piece of practical advice:
Ask yourself, "What specific age would a woman need to fall under for me to definitely say that she's too young for me?"
Most guys never ask themselves this question.
Instead, they see a woman who's a bit younger and then they take their discomfort at meeting IN GENERAL, project it on to the woman in front them, and tell themselves, "Oh, she's too young for me."
What I'm trying to say here is that most guys use a younger woman's age as a cop-out for "manning up" and meeting her.
So, as a tool to get around this "excuse-itis" of the brain, it's really helpful to figure out your rules about dating and age.
That way, the next time your brain starts telling you a woman is too young for you, you simply find out if she's below your cut-off or not. If she is, move on. If she's not, move forward.
THE DEEPER QUESTION AT ISSUE HERE
Most men, and most people in general, allow society to dictate how they feel about certain situations. Maturing as a man means taking a good hard look at what you believe in and how you live your life, and figuring out if it's how society wants you to live or if it's how YOU want to live.
And this certainly applies to who we allow ourselves to express our attraction to.
Again, I'm NOT talking about attraction to under-age women.
If you have those feelings, go talk to a therapist.
I'm talking about younger WOMEN here.
If you're 40 and attracted to women in their 20's, but you feel guilty about it, you need to figure out WHY you feel guilty... and if it's a good reason.
My friend David DeAngelo says "Attraction Isn't A Choice." And to a large extent, I agree.
We can't CHOOSE who we feel attracted to, and if we feel guilty about who we're attracted to it causes all sorts of internal conflict and stress.
If the women you're attracted to happens to be women that society says you "shouldn't" have feelings for, you'll need to decide for yourself what you should do.
I believe if you have an attraction to a certain kind of woman, follow that urge - its what turns you on.
Of course, if that urge leads you to underage women, farm animals, or kitchen utensils you're a sick bastard and should get some help man.
(I've got a doctor friend who has some crazy stories about patients coming in to the ER with small kitchen tools in various orifices, I'll spare you the details.)
Our time here on earth is precious - don't waste it fighting your natural drives. And for a lot of divorced guys, those natural drives include attraction to youthful women. If you decide younger women are OK, then give yourself PERMISSION to move ahead.
Of course, there's a lot more to dating younger women than just getting over guilt. Learning what it takes to actually ATTRACT them is a much bigger issue.
Even the entire topic of "younger women" is just a small spec in the overall picture of recovering from divorce and creating a new life for yourself with incredible women.
Let's face it, life after divorce can be hard, frustrating, and annoying. But it doesn't HAVE to be.
If you learn how to avoid the mistakes most men make at this big life transition, you can look back and honestly say that your divorce was the best thing that ever happened to you.
And the first step is to get an education on how best to conduct your life, and in particular your DATING life, now that you're divorced.
Learn a simple move that will drive a woman CRAZY anticipating your first kiss... just go here and watch this video
To your success with women,