Dating Great! with advice by Find Us On Facebook Follow Us On Twitter

Beware The Alfie

Danger and Chemistry Pick-up advice for men by Carlos Xuma based on 'The Dating Black Book'

Do you know about the RULES for women? Do you want to know how to counter her tests and games? Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them on to you?

Continue reading and you will.

Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing. It doesn't have to be anymore. THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from preparing to meeting to passing their tests.

It's the most complete strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.

Before we get to the question this week, I just wanted to share a little about a movie I watched the other day.

I happened to watch the Jude Law movie "Alfie" the other night.

While I can't recommend it based on its merits as a movie (especially if you have as little time as I do), I found the message in it to be very disturbing and worth noting.

Basically, the film is about a young British guy (good looking, of course) who is a limo driver in New York City. He's a ladies man, and pulls action all the time. Over the course of the movie, you see his cocky and confident facade pulled down by a series of events that make him re-think his approach to life and women.

Now, on the surface, this seems like the standard cautionary tale about not using people and thinking of other people's feelings. After all, Alfie is just using these poor women and being a real jerk.

But wait a minute here....

IS he?

He actually is very straightforward about his intentions from the start. He explains that he doesn't want to stick with one woman. He doesn't mistreat any of his ladies, and they all enjoy his company. And while these women all act hurt from time to time about the fact that Alfie isn't likely to settle down with any of them, they all knew the deal from the beginning.

The danger that this movie presents is that it portrays these women as helpless victims, women who we are supposed to believe were tricked into Alfie's bed under false pretenses.

The one that stands out is his friend's girlfriend who actually comes on to HIM and they get jiggy on the pool table at her bar. Now, some bad things happen because of this get-together, but again, she knew what she was doing
- and WANTED to do it.

Here's the dangerous and incorrect message that the movie tries to get you to believe:

"Women are helpless creatures who can't make their own decisions, and the man that seduces them is a BAD person."

Oh, and one more related message is underneath that one:

"Guys who seduce or sleep with more than one woman, OR who don't want to be tied down, are JERKS."

And one more that's even more disturbing:

"Women aren't responsible for their decisions."

This is the dangerous message that the media is trying to perpetuate on you. It's dangerous for men and women. And, quite honestly, it's more insulting to women if you look at it in the right light.

Every one of the women in that movie knew what she was doing. It's not the man's responsibility to sit her down and have her sign a disclosure before she sleeps with him so that she acknowledges the reality of what she's getting into.

The real truth is that women often put on romantic blinders when dealing with men. (Men even do this.) We see and believe what we WANT to so that we can DO what we want to.

Unless you have a gun held to your head, you CHOOSE to do everything that you do. No one is pulling your strings.

Unless you are outright lying and being deceitful with a person, they are making the choices that they WANT to make.

Don't believe this garbage that men are the cads and womanizers. Women - and men - everywhere need more guys like Alfie to demonstrate the real Alpha Man traits that are sorely lacking in our world today.

Sometimes all a woman wants is a guy she can have a good time with, no matter how long it lasts.

And if you asked her how she felt about most of the guys she's had her "fun" with, she'd probably tell you she'd gladly do it all over again, knowing exactly how it would have to end.


Alright, I'm interest in this girl. We've been hanging out for a while now (I mean as in a group of our friends). I know her and her friends have already formed opinions on me and my friends, but also know those opinions can change in seconds.

Her friend likes my buddy and it's obvious, but this girl in particular is so hard to read. One minute she will flirt with one of my buddies, the next she's asking me for my number and telling me to call her. I don't think anything of it though since she has asked my other friends for their numbers too.

It's like I'm just a friend to her, and when I try and talk to her, it doesn't seem she is all that interested. Although on other times it does.

Sometimes I feel that her and her friend ignore me a little. Maybe not on purpose, but it sucks. How can I get their attentions and raise the chemistry with this girl. I get nervous, but am willing to flirt with her anyway I can. Sometimes there are dead silences too and I hate that. Help!


Women are pros at the "running hot and cold" game, my friend. She learned early on that if she makes it too obvious, the guy will not be as interested in her.

So she plays it hot... then very cool. Then, when you start to lose interest, she's back at it, teasing and heating you up again.

The second she smells that you're interested in her, she knows that she needs to back off. It's just the rule of the game.

The part of this situation I want you to take note of is this: You're responding to her lack of attention in a very insecure way.

I know the situation you're talking about. You're with a woman you dig, and your eyes are all starry and wide for her.

Suddenly, she turns her attention away. You get the "Oh No!" sensation in the pit of your stomach. You panic and start to lose your cool because suddenly you wonder if she's still into you. You feel that you're losing it, and so you start trying REAL HARD.

You're responding more to her hot/cold cycle, which means SHE is the one in control of YOUR emotions. This is the cycle of variable reinforcement that I talk about in the e-books.

Dead silences are only a problem if YOU are uncomfortable with them.

Don't think you have to keep up a conversation all by yourself. If you run into a silence, do what they did in "Pulp Fiction":

click here The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating scene explained, and all the inner-workings of the social dynamics involving his interactions with women.
It's available here



Copyright © Carlos Xuma and Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved.

Meet Singles Online Now

JOIN NOW - View Photos of Singles Free