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Dating Dynamics: It's Big And Blue

Every Girl is Different Pick-up advice for men by Carlos Xuma based on 'The Dating Black Book'

Do you know about the RULES for women? Do you want to know how to counter her tests and games? Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them on to you?

Continue reading and you will.



My man, you rock. I'm starting to understand your material and after many months of not seeing results, I'm finally starting to get the attitude I need. I have a question for you. It's a very stupid question and there's many better questions to ask probably, but here it goes.

I'm white and I'm jewish and my main passion is rapping in my college. I'm releasing an album next year. I'm not necessarily "good", but my lyrics are funny and keep people entertained. The song I am most known for is a song about a giant blue dick which I have recorded a remix of. It's hilarious, but quite disgusting. Do you think this is something that's good for the ladies?

I've found that some girls think it's really funny and more proper girls don't like it very much, but for some they won't stop laughing. In general do you think this sounds like a good idea? Most of my raps are pretty degrading of women and talk about sex a lot, but they're just like a man tells it. At one party I basically teased this girl for awhile and told me she'd have to impress me enough to hear me rap so we started kissing and then she heard it and it got even more heated, but it hasn't always had such great results. What are your thoughts?

I know you don't get many questions about this so you gotta answer it!


A.T. Rockville, MD


Got me on that one... I don't get many emails about giant blue wankers. (Oh, and damn straight! I do ROCK! :)

Great to hear you're having success. The "attitude" takes a while to create, so keep working it. Once you understand how women and dating work, there's no going back to old wimpy behaviors.

As for your rapping ...

I'd say that you're going to attract a lot of women who just enjoy that "taboo" or "forbidden" area where they aren't supposed to be nasty, but like it. You're also going to get widely varied results. Each girl's personality will differ greatly in how she responds to this.

Some women are just going to find it foul and it will turn them off, and you'll never be able to talk your way past it. (But never be apologetic for it, either.)

I can't approve degradation of women, so I'll have to advise you that you do this at your own risk. Entertainment doesn't have to be insulting or degrading.

You have to know how to read their reaction and play off it to get where you want to go. There will be "good girls" who like playing with this kind of "fire", but you're going to have to strike a balance. Most girls understand that rapping is just an expression, and the lyrics are just that.

These kind of raps reflect your "I don't need your approval" attitude, which turns women on, and that's what the women are responding to. Also, you play on their need to express their dark side. Women often want an excuse to indulge in things that ladies "shouldn't" like or want. It's an escape from their repressive self-image as being clean and pure.

After a while, you'll begin to be able to sense the women that are looking for this kind of ESCAPE, and you'll be able to provide it for them. These are the same women who would never dream of having a "fling," but somehow manage to find themselves in bed with someone they barely know on their vacation.



I have a question...

There's an amazing girl at work... we went out the other night... and something unexpected happened... a kiss... now under normal circumstances I wouldn't mind.... but, she has a boyfriend... so it kinda surprised me... I don\'t know if it was the heat of the moment at the club, but in any respect I didn't want that to happen... I'm not that kind of guy... I don't like to get in the middle of a happy relationship... ok, the part that I have a question about

she is thinking about breaking up with him... and Im interested... what should I do to make things go a little smoother with the break up and go my way... now I don't want it to be a sudden thing... from one guy to the next... I want to give her time to heal from the previous relationship...

I told her I didn't want to make things anymore difficult between her and her boyfriend... but I kind feel played at that same time... like it was just for the night...

what should i do...???

Well, aren't you the little opportunist?

You went out, totally respecting this little hottie and keeping your distance until you two managed to get in a lip-lock. Sure you did.

Not that kind of guy, huh...?

I will say that you are at least honorable for not wanting to interfere with this guy's relationship. That's commendable in this day and age where everyone seems to be out for themselves.

But let me tell you this: There is a distinct chance she will not break up with him until she has a good enough reason to. And that usually means that she'll need a competing man to step in.

This is good ... and bad.

Good in that she's attracted to you, so you could be that guy.

Bad in that if she is interested in you, she'll probably use you like a therapist, crying on your shoulder, and generally running hot and cold, not sure if she's "ready."

But don't feed me that bullsh*t about "time to heal." You've been reading too many Oprah magazines, chum.

In a perfect world, yes, women would break up with their boyfriend, then spend one-to-three months in "healing mode," where they sit home and watch daytime soaps, "Sleepless in Seattle," and "Titanic" every few days until they're replenished and ready for more romance. They wouldn't trash some poor "nice guy's" heart because he happened to be the sorry sack who got her ten minutes after the door hit the last guy on the ass.

But it never works out that way, dude.

Women will either find a suitable replacement (i.e., rebound) or they find a few harmless flings to help them through the bad patch. These guys are like chocolate, sweet to taste, quick to melt away to nothing. And that's the way they like it.

That's what you probably were to her. A fling. You were a way of proving to her that she's still attractive. And she's obviously not so happy with him if she needed to mess around with you.

However, you can make a rebound work. I have several times. Here's what you do:

Step in and be her knight in shining denim. Help her out of her old relationship. But don't even think about trying to make a relationship with her or you'll scare her off.

Basically, all I did with my rebound girl was shake the mattress every weekend. The rest of the week I was out looking for Ms. Right, until this girl got her head put back on straight and could "heal." I was smart enough to keep my distance. About eight months later, she decided she wanted to be exclusive. I just chuckled and patted myself on the back. If I'd tried to make a "relationship" with her, she would have been gone in a New York Minute.

Hey, this girl you want is going to have fun with SOMEBODY. Shouldn't it be YOU?

Whatever you do, don't think you can just "be there for her." She'll be off having her fun, and you'll be that poor tool crying in his beer. This is opportunity, if you play it right. I used to be that poor tool, by the way. I used to be the Nice Guy who always tried to help his girl friends out. The problem was that they stayed "friends" and never became "girlfriends."

I got sick of it. Totally flipping sick of it. And I knew I had to change things. Have you ever felt like this? That women were somehow so hard to understand that you almost felt like giving up? If you get burned, you don't stop playing with matches ... you TAME THE FIRE.

I've talked to guys the world over who have made a REAL difference in their lives by taking the first step on the right path - learning. Once you understand, your world opens up.

Ask yourself:
Wouldn't it be great to learn how women REALLY think and work? Wouldn't it be fantastic to finally put aside your fears once and for all? Approach women anywhere and anytime? And GET RESULTS with women. And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of seduction and dating.

click here The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating scene explained, and all the inner-workings of the social dynamics involving his interactions with women.
It's available here



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