Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?)
It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
There is no woman out
there without her own insecurities and fears. Remember that you have
the advantage of strategies and logic on your side, and all you need
to do is exercise emotional CONTROL.
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"Practical dating advice every week! I read your column with great
pleasure and try to use the mentioned tactics in my own everyday life.
All I can say is - Dating Dynamics WORKS!"
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QUESTION:
Hi
Your book is great; I have a question: if a girl says to you that she
has a boyfriend does she mean it or it is just a way to repel a
potentially crazy stranger; I was trying to pick up a fine-looking
waitress at a night club, she seemed nice to me but when after a
friendly small talk I asked her if she would have coffee with me after
her shift she told me about her boyfriend. Should I have persisted ?
ANSWER:
Persistence is what will
always set you apart from the other guys, but it has to be INTELLIGENT
persistence.
Here's what I mean.
If a woman puts you off, often times it's because she's not yet
attracted enough to you to give you a chance. She's only going to jump
at opportunities that she deems are beneficial TO HER. Meaning, even
if she has a boyfriend, if she wants you badly enough, she'll go after
you. On the other hand, if you haven't proven yourself as a commodity,
she won't initially be interested.
In this instance, this waitress has an automatic defensive test
against guys that come on to her at work. Frankly, she was probably
just being nice to you because you're a customer, and that's what she
does for her job. You're just confusing professional politeness for
romantic interest.
However, this doesn't mean that you can't turn this into your
advantage.
What you have to do is to really turn on the cocky & funny (tease to
please) and make sure she knows that you are not just another one of
the umpteen billion guys who hit on her every day.
Think about it: She gets guys hitting on her ALL the time. How will
she know who to go out with and who to ignore? By how they screen out
the riff-raff. The easiest way for her to say "No" without saying "No"
is to come up with a convenient excuse why she can't. A boyfriend is
the easiest excuse she can come up with.
She may have a real boyfriend, and if she came up with very realistic
sounding information about him, it may be true. Still, if you're
persistent in a way that does not show you are NEEDY, you can have a
shot at her. But if she sniffs out that you're bugging her just
because you NEED her, you're out of the running. (Every woman is
looking for the next best thing, and if you can prove yourself better
than the current guy, you could be in.)
Think about it from her point of view and see what kind of solution
you come up with. Also, use the strategies from the section on Basic
Psychological Principles from the book, and work on your confidence
treadmill. I think you'll realize a lot of benefit from using those
strategies.
Next time, a suggestion: Don't ask her to get coffee. Assume she will.
(Cocky!) TELL her, "You deserve a nice relaxing break after your
shift. I'll tell you what - I'll put a smile on your face if you meet
me for some coffee. I'll meet you at 9:00."
Don't give her a choice, or she'll choose the wrong one. Take
control... and persist where it makes sense. If you think the
boyfriend is real, I'd move on to more available talent.
QUESTION:
Hello!
I like the way you present your ideas, it pretty much clicks with my
personal experience. So I thought I could drop you a question, about an
issue that really bugs me.
You get the digits from a woman
and when you call her, she won't answer the phone (either ignoring it,
or not hearing it, or being busy - you wouldn't know). This kills me,
because I don't know when to call again. She does not have my phone no,
so when she sees the unanswered call she won't know its me.
What would you suggest to situations like this?
ANSWER:
First of all, I'm so glad that my knowledge
clicks with yours. I guess that means that I'm on to something, huh? :)
One little precaution to take in advance: Get her email AND her phone
number when you first meet her. Then you can email her and find out when
she will be home and available. That's all you need to know. If she
doesn't answer or ducks you out when you call, give her one or two more
tries, then flush her. (Because if she knew you were going to call and
then isn't around for it, that tells you right away if she's interested
enough or not.)
Regarding the phone call, let's review the possible outcomes. You get
her number and call, and she doesn't answer:
1) She gave you the wrong number. Gosh sakes, that's gotta suck. Get
right back out there and score some more numbers.
2) She's genuinely not home and you missed her. Again, that's gotta
suck. First, block caller ID, just in case. Second, I don't leave a
message the first time I call. If you do, you've just handed the reins
of control over to her, and you get to sit there and wonder, "Why oh why
doesn't she CALL???" And it gets worse the longer you wait. Never give a
woman this kind of control. EVER.
3) She's actively screening you out. Once more, that's gotta suck. That
means she doesn't want to talk to you. But you can't know for certain
because you can't see what's going on the other end of the call. Cure?
Go out and get MORE numbers and meet MORE women.
The point here?
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