Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
In This Article:
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Just do it
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List your strengths
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Kick-start your confidence
I've seen it all. Or, I should say, I've read it
all.
I've been through every site and every method out there for handling women and
the dating scene. I've bought the books, the tapes, reading everything I can
get my hands on. Alas, I haven't found that one elusive and cure-all secret,
and that's quite simply because it doesn't exist.
We (men, in general) hunger for more self-assurance in our ourselves and our
dealings with women. Ironically, the one factor that every
site/article/system/method cites as its primary foundation is -- you guessed
it -- your confidence.
Confidence isn't a state you achieve, although it can occasionally feel this
way. Confidence is a cycle, a treadmill, if you will, that you need to learn
how to initiate for yourself.
You see, confidence feeds back on itself, and this in turn (like a nuclear
reactor with its control rods pulled out) creates a chain reaction of energy
that only serves to elevate you to the next level.
Nothing succeeds like success. If you're confident in yourself, there's no way
she can bring you down.
So how do you get that confidence? The simple advice is to just DO IT.
I really hate re-treading slogans, but that one nails it on the head, friends.
The only cure to all your problems is to feel the fear, the insecurity, the
angst, the wild-Watusi -- whatever -- but DO IT ANYWAY.
Feel insecure? Great. Go ask for her number.
Feel unhappy? Didn't get a raise? Great. Go call her and ask her out.
No, really, do it. NOW. Act in spite of it all.
It's all about posture. They don't know that you're feeling the way you are
unless you A) Tell them, or B) Don't do anything. You see, the truth is that
if you don't do it, your situation doesn't get one bit better. If you do
something, you'll reap rewards.
Even if you don't get the results you want, you'll still feel better having
done something anyway. Waiting is just a clever way we invent for making it
okay to go on losing. Remember: It's better to regret the things you did than
the things you didn't.
Sure, your mood will interfere and tell you
that you're not the stud you think you are. Doubts, those evil
hobgoblins of us all, creep in and tell you that you're just another
dweeb that doesn't deserve her love or attention. Insecurity.
Don't you believe it, damnit.
What you need are your own personal rituals you can create that get you
into the right frame of mind and keep your confidence treadmill oiled
and running strong. I do the following things to keep myself confident
and motivated:
- Write on the mirror. I have a dry erase marker in my bathroom that I
write messages on my mirror with. Whatever you can tell yourself that
gets your day started off right.
- Keep a list of your strengths. I have a list of my top twenty-five
traits that make me a BLESSING to any woman lucky enough to get my time,
my energy. This is your power to walk, if it comes to that. Posture.
- Make a list of her traits. What do you want your magical woman to be
like? If you don't know, you better figure it out quick. It's really not
about who we date and marry, but how we avoid the ones we shouldn't be
with. Think about it. If you're single, be glad you've got opportunity
instead of crying in your beer that you're alone. Ever see (been) a guy
in a crappy relationship? Everything is relative, my man.
- Make a list of her faults. This is perspective medicine. If you can
stop thinking of her as perfect, chances are you will be better able to
handle your moments of insecurity.
- Keep a journal and/or a collection of notes. I do both, journaling my
day-to-day experiences (much cheaper than a therapist, and more
effective), as well as keeping a document on my PC at home and work with
motivational insights and advice. Keep your perspective. Review these
notes as much as you need, and especially when you're feeling the slide
into insecurity.
Especially important is to find the strength to avoid your bad moods.
Not that they won't come to haunt you, mind you, but that you can't let
them take over and force you to dial up Betty at 3:30 AM some Saturday.
Remember that every insecure mood you've ever had has passed by. EVERY
one of them. Don't take action when you're in a bad or insecure mood.
Resist the urge. Wait it out. It sucks, and you'll be so tempted to do
something. And it will seem SO urgent.
Don't do it! Breathe. Hang loose. If it's a good decision, you'll still
feel like doing it when you're feeling secure and confident again.
And one more thing: I've noticed that men have the uncontrollable habit
of wanting to get inside the woman's head. You know, one minute you're
wondering if she's thinking about you, the next you're imagining
scenarios that have your gut in an acidic boil and your temples
throbbing.
"Does she like me? Where is she? Why doesn't she return my messages?"
Stop obsessing. Stay - out - of - her - head. If you cross over from
thinking about your personal space, your life, your confidence, whatever
is immediate to you and your happiness, you're in the wrong part of the
field, my man. This is a downward spiral of madness that will spell your
doom. Control your thoughts, or your confidence will vaporize. (This is
where not placing all your hopes on one woman would be the best advice I
can offer.)
So there you have it. Some advice from the trenches.
Now go out and DO IT!
To read more about confidence and how the
Dating Black Book can get your dating life flying high, go to:
www.datingdynamics.com
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women?
Do you want some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
Carlos Xuma
www.datingdynamics.com
This work is copyrighted by the author. No
unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2003-2008,
Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved
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