Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
QUESTION:
The last girl I approached was in my university library. She was
sitting at a computer doing some work, when I noticed her. I went
through the tease to please tactic, and used the name test, and she
asked me for my name, so I assumed she was interested. She seemed
receptive to me, but when I told her to write her number down, that's
where I ran into a problem.
She told me "I don't know about that." I said, "Well, if you can't
handle it...". She goes, "It's not that. You look a little young." I
said, "I'm prolly older than you." She said, "How old are you?" I
said, "How old do you think I am?" She said "Like 19". Now this hurt
my feelings naturally, as I am 23, and she had to have been like 20 or
so. Instead of begging her, I said "Ok, well if you can't recognize a
good catch...", and I walked off. I was kind of hoping she'd call me
back and give me the number, but it didn't happen.
My question is: How do I know if a girl is interested and playing hard
to get, and if I should persist, or if I am wasting my time and she is
not interested?
-------------------------------
Ah, yes... I remember when I was just a wee lad, first scoping out the
babes... the world was all boobs and butts back then... (Insert look
of nostalgia) :)
Okay, let me get out of my rocking chair here and cut to the chase.
First of all, my commendations to you for actually getting out there
and USING the material. Hats off - you did a great job.
Now, let's see what we can improve...
When she said, "I don't know about that," I'm pretty sure I know what
your internal reaction was. You felt what most guys do - a sinking
feeling of "Oh, no... I'm losing this one... it's ... slipping..." And
a little despair starts to settle in your gut.
What would have helped here would have been to have a response for her
challenge. (This concept is covered completely in December's Audio
Session.) You need to prepare for any response she might throw at you.
You knew she would respond with one of three possible answers:
1) Sure, here's my number. (What you hoped she'd say)
2) Hmmm... I don't know. (Expressing doubt, but not a denial)
3) No. (Denial.)
I'll tell you now that it's almost never an outright NO, and it's
usually one of the first two. The better you get, the more phone
numbers you get.
When she says "I don't know about that," here's what she's REALLY
saying:
"You've got my interest, but you haven't engaged my attraction enough
to overcome the immediate fear I have that you're coming on to me for
the purpose of s*ex. I need some more evidence that you're a guy worth
investing some of my emotions in. So, I'm not sure yet. Convince me
more."
In other words, she was TESTING you, whether she realized it or not.
She was interested.
And you felt hurt because you suspected inside that you either looked
or were too young to have her. (And I bet you a dozen Krispy Kremes
she could read it on your face when she told you that, too.)
Here's how I would have had you respond to her challenge:
She says: "It's not that. You look a little young."
You say: "Actually, I don't usually hang out with older women. But
since you don't have a walker with those green tennis balls on the
front, I thought it would be okay. I'll help you out the door when you
need to leave."
OR
You say: "Thanks! I do look good for my age, don't I? Are you
intimidated by men that look younger than you? You know, Demi Moore
knows where the game is. I think she might even be a little older than
you, come to think of it."
Then, later on, when it suits YOU, you tell her you're actually older
and rub it in a little.
The point is to put the burden of validation back on HER. She's trying
to make you dance to her approval. When the game got too hot for you,
you ejected.
That's an appropriate response when you run
out of fuel. But the thing to do now is not view this as a failure. You
actually had a great success. (You may have defined it as a failure
because it didn't get you as far along as you liked, but there's more to
it.)
You approached, you engaged, you used the right attitude, you asked for
the number, and YOU called the shots. You chose to NOT argue with her at
the end or get defensive. Awesome. Dude, that rocked! You did most
everything you could have up to that point, honestly. And that's ten
times more than most guys EVER do. Now, let's take it to the next level.
There was a lot to learn from this that you can apply to the next
situation. You take the situation, break it down, plan your responses.
When you get a new one, you invent a reply on the fly -- OR eject,
re-evaluate, and plan for the next time. Each time, you get a little
further and better.
Your next goal is to take an interaction like this at least one more
response further until you reach the goal. It's just like tennis. Keep
hitting the ball back into her side of the court until she isn't able to
return it. Then, you WIN.
The more attractive the woman, the more blocks and tests she's going to
put in your way. The more she'll play "hard to get." Not necessarily
intentionally, either. You see, she NEEDS to make it hard, because she
gets approached ALL the time, and the only way she can know if you're
for real is if you demonstrate the kind of bulletproof confidence that
indicates a real Alpha Man.
Playing hard-to-get makes her appear more valuable to you. Huh... I
wonder how a guy might make this concept work for HIM. Hmmm... (Insert
thoughtful silence here...) Anyway...
You asked a different question at the end of your letter, and I chose
not to answer it for a reason. Why? Because it wasn't the REAL question
you needed an answer to. You needed to know that the only way to know if
a woman is interested is if you can MAKE HER INTERESTED.
You're assuming that a woman knows the second you walk up to her if
she's interested.
NOT TRUE. (Unless you're doing some hideous hunchback imitation or
something...) She WILL figure it out, however, in the first minute or
two after you start to talk to her.
Get it?
YOU start the process. YOU have the control over her interest by how you
handle those critical first few moments of conversation. She doesn't
know how she feels about you until YOU help her figure you out.
Weird, huh? But it gives you so much POWER. (Which, ironically, is what
will scare most guys from going further. It's much easier to give up and
blame someone else for the failure, isn't it?)
So your question is REALLY asking: "How can I mystically interpret a
woman's behavior so I can avoid the risk of rejection?" That's like
saying, "How can I know if I'll beat my friend at pool without playing
him in a game and maybe losing to him?" You're asking something that is
just not possible.
You wanna play?
You gotta pay.
And only by risking do you get the rewards you seek, and learn how to
get better the next time... and the next time...
500+ Dating Service Reviews 
