Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book' available only at:
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
This article: You owe it
to her to let her know if you are unable to be monogamous with her.
Deception is never a part of the Dynamic Man's game when it comes to
I have a wonderful girlfriend that is smart and
sexy and very giving. We have been dating for about a year. I really think I
want to marry her. BUT, I am still banging my old girlfriend 3-4 times a
month. The old girlfriend is not as hot, not as good in bed and doesn't
swallow. My question is:
"Why am I still so attached to the other women, when my current girlfriend is
better in every way?"
Oooh, this one is tasty. (No pun intended.) Even though there's not a lot of
detail for me to go on here, but I think I can address most of this from what
you do tell me. (And, my, such language... Well, dear readers, I publish them
as I get them, so you get the raw and the uncooked Truth here. No censoring.
You're wondering why you're still attached to other women when you have such a
great catch, huh?
Let's break this down:
- Women are, by nature, monogamous. They want just one guy. Sure, they might
say they want to date many, but in reality, if you show the right qualities,
she's going to want to stick to just ONE man and get rid of any competition.
Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution do not get over-ridden by thirty
years of 'liberation.' (Please don't mistake my tone for derisive; I am all
for female liberation and equality, and especially where it doesn't sacrifice
the better parts of our genders in the process.) A woman wants a man who can
provide for her, and her children.
- Men are, by nature, polyamorous. (Ooh, big word, dude.) This means that they
thrive most when involved with MANY women, ensuring the seeds of their loins
are passed on in as many fertile wombs as possible. Okay, that's a bit
clinical, but you get the point.
You see, we are first motivated by our biological imperatives. This means that
whether or not we attach moral "right-ness" or "wrong-ness" to our actions,
there are some basic needs that men and women have that have been
pre-programmed into our animal circuitry. Monogamy is a fairly recent
invention in the scheme of male-female behaviors.
This doesn't mean that we shouldn't aspire
to be "faithful," only that a man's desire for novelty and new-ness
often overrides our ability to stay with one person. (Note: Recent
surveys have determined that female 'infidelity' is at least as frequent
So why are you stepping out on your woman, R? I believe there are many
possibilities, and all of them are valid in different situations:
- Your girlfriend is smart and sexy and giving, perhaps, but maybe she
is also not CHALLENGING enough to you any more. Some women are too nice
for their own good, and they are almost TOO accessible. If she isn't
providing enough challenge to your nervous system, you may be reacting
subconsciously by taking her for granted. Stepping out then doesn't have
anything to do with comparing her to your woman on the side (of lesser
quality.) It's says more about what you think about your current
- When a woman is thought of as 'too good' by our subconscious sense of
self-esteem, we sometimes do things to justify escape from the
relationship. You might be intimidated by her, too, wondering if you can
live up to her expectations.
- You just don't have the monogamous gene right now, dude. Some men are
just not ready to "settle down" until MUCH much later in life. You might
not be able to commit to her one-on-one. There's nothing wrong with you,
contrary to what some of the Feminazis might say ("Men are all cheating
dogs!"). It's just that you aren't a guy who wants to have to give up
all that life has to offer in female accompaniment.
(Note: This is what the other Pundits call "afraid of commitment."
Meaning that unless you can commit to her, you're somehow flawed. I
don't view it that way. Some guys are just not up to it until much
later. It's YOUR
- You're addicted to the thrill of cheating. Hey, admit it, it's a rush
to 'get away with' something illicit. It gives you a sneaky feeling of
self-gratification. If you're too addicted to this thrill, however,
you're going to end up with something of a self-destructive binge, and
you'll end up causing more harm than good.
My recommendation is that you seriously
analyze what is going on with you and the current girlfriend, and see if
this is, in fact, a relationship you want to commit to. If not, you owe
it to her to let her know if you are unable to be monogamous with her.
Deception is never a part of the Dynamic Man's game when it comes to
You see, I have no problem with men (*or women*) having safe, casual sex
with as many people as they desire. Every person has their own
standards. But you must handle every dating situation with HONESTY. To
not be honest about the situation with the important people in your life
is more damaging to your self-esteem in the long run. You sabotage your
sense of honor. It takes a toll on your self-confidence when you play
the deception game, and it will reflect in your attitude when you
approach women. (And sooner or later, she WILL find out. I suggest a
pre-emptive strike to put things to
I also have some more advice for the long-term if you're looking to make
it work with your current honey, or looking to just increase your
overall circulation with the women of the world. THE DATING BLACK BOOK
is waiting for you to download at
I cover the specifics of deciding when to move on and how in the book,
Brand new: SUPREME SELF-CONFIDENCE - the E-zine that WILL help you to
improve your success (and attitude) with women by addressing any
internal confidence issues. This might also help you with taking that
pre-emptive strike I mentioned.
By the way ...
For an idea about the kind of "feel-good" nonsense published out there
on dating, let me show you an excerpt from an article I spotted on the
Internet as I was conducting some research:
'Is it ethically wrong to date more than one woman at once?'
Our answer depends on the reason you are dating. Assuming that you are
actively looking for "the one," then we think it's a big mistake to date
more than one person at a time.
This isn't an issue of ethics. However, when the goal is marriage, then
dating more than one person at a time isn't fair to any of the parties
involved, including yourself. It simply isn't possible to divide your
focus between two or more women, if you want to give a budding courtship
the attention it needs. You can never maximize a potential relationship
when you keep thinking, "Is there someone better out there?"