Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics
author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is.
Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
The Dating Black Book breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
QUESTION:
What is the best way to end the first meeting with the woman. Not the
first "date". For example just a quick 30 minute get together at say a
coffee shop. This first meeting really isn't appropriate for touching
or kissing? Or is it?
-----------------
Remember, you're always trying to move forward along the Dating
Continuum on your meetings with women. There are specific goals along
the way, and those are detailed in the e-book: Transitions.
Let's look at your goals: The first time you meet with a woman you're
looking to deepen her attraction for you. (In fact, this is always
your unspoken goal at every step of the way.) It is most important at
this point, where she can easily turn away. You have to give her
reasons NOT to.
**NOTE: When I say you are looking to deepen a woman's attraction for
you, I do NOT mean by doing wimpy supplicating things that scream out
"I'M INSECURE, NEEDY, OR OTHERWISE DESPERATE FOR YOUR APPROVAL." You
are never out to give away your personal power as a man. You increase
her attraction by being YOURSELF, and by focusing on the best
presentation of yourself through the strategies in my e-book.
So on the first coffee-meeting, you're trying to keep things short and
sweet, but don't LIMIT yourself, either. In other words, you're not
going to stop just because you've decided to keep to the rule of a
short first meeting. Hell, if things are going great, keep going. But
you go in with the expectation of certain boundaries that help YOU
keep perspective.
(Hang on, guys, this is where you learn about the gray areas...)
In other words, you learn these rules so that you can use them - and
then learn when to throw them out entirely. You have to know the rules
to know how and when to break them.
The answer to your question of what is and isn't appropriate will
depend on who you are with and how it's going.
Personally, I recommend you touch AT LEAST once (but probably not more
than that) on the first meeting. Why? Because you need to let her know
your intentions. She has to know that you're not in this for another
female coffee-buddy.
The other side of this is that you have to avoid the trap that some
guys fall into, which is when they find a woman they are really into,
they touch too much, too soon. You have to hang back and chill. Wait
for a good opportunity to put your hand on hers for a second, and then
take it away. This establishes more "charge" between you than a smile
and a handshake at the end.
As far as kissing, in MOST circumstances, it's not going to be likely
on the first short meeting. In fact, if you set it up so that you
avoid the kiss in the right way, you set it up a little more for the
next time.
I suggest a goodbye hug, with a playful caveat: "Well, gimme a hug,
because it's way too soon for a first kiss." (Smile)
If you can see this, it's better to just pull it out in the open and
joke about it. It's what a confident man would do.
Just, please, don't shake hands at the end of your meeting, unless you
have no interest in seeing her again.
(A handshake... eww.... I'm getting the hives...) A hug is a minimum
expectation. If you can't get that, you're already circling the drain.
Hanging back and not going for the inappropriate (or undesired
contact) shows discipline, security, and control.
Just end the meeting by demonstrating you are not just in this for a
new friend. But be very coy as to how you communicate your interest.
Leave a little charge there for her to feel, and the next meeting will
be where you establish things a bit further - and you will go for that
kiss.
And if things are going really well, go for the kiss. Just remember:
You must know before trying as to whether or not she will kiss you. If
you're going in on a wing and a prayer, you're ignoring a lot of
pre-work.
QUESTION:
Today evening I was in a Card Shop and busy selecting a Card for my
Sister. I noticed a cute female waking by me and near me 2-3 Times. I
could sense she was interested to approach me. I felt I should talk to
her, maybe ask her help me choose a card but then I talked myself out of
it.
I am just about starting on the dating field and am quite shy. So,
should I have talked to her and just asked her help to choose a card and
then walked away OR have asked her (A Total Stranger) for a movie? What
would you have done in such a situation?
Do you approach Cute Girls you see in Shops/Movie halls etc and ask them
out for a date- If Yes, what do you say to them?
The Dating Black Book
-------------------------------
If you've read the free e-book, you know all you need to about what to
say to a gal you meet, and I don't need to repeat that here. I do sense
what is really going on here, and it's not your lack of knowing the
right words to say to her. (By the way, your idea of having her help you
choose a card is RIGHT ON THE MONEY. Perfect.)
Let's start with the issue of what NOT to do. You do NOT meet someone
and immediately ask for a date or a movie. That's way too much too soon.
You only want to get the chance to speak with her again. All you need
for that is her phone number or email. Don't make it harder than it has
to be.
Now, as to the issue of a "Total Stranger" ...
Just remember, EVERY one of your previous girlfriends and friends
started out as a total stranger to you. Through circumstance, you got
acquainted, and from there things took off.
Where are you going to start off the next romance?
Oddly enough, thinking in these terms will probably "click" something in
your mind that will highlight just how important it is to get over the
fear of rejection of new women. Chances are, you've already depleted
your immediate pool of familiar females to ask out, so every woman after
that is going to be "new" in some way.
You hit it on the head right there when you said, "I felt I should talk
to her, maybe ask her help me choose a card but then I talked myself out
of it."
What were you saying when you were self-sabotaging yourself?
- "She wouldn't be interested in me."
What, you can see the future? You can read her mind? No. That was just
your insecurity talking.
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