Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
I've got a little
something to rant about....
I was sent an "article" (I use quotes because the value of this
information is in doubt) about men who "step out" on their women.
Step out. You gotta love these old terms that journalists keep using
because they evoke emotional pictures in your mind. The woman's
question to this - (COUGH) - "advisor" was "I don't know why, but I
keep attracting jerks."
Now this advisor is a "VP of Romance" (Yeah, right) of a very popular
online dating site. (And since we all know that men don't know
anything about "romance," this advisor is a woman.) She proceeds to
describe bad boys and why women are attracted to them, because they
are "philanderers and con artists."
Wow, strong words.
Well, I cover this in my e-books, along with the breakdown of the "bad
boy" and how you can use the good parts of his personality. Her use of
the term "con artist" here is a sign of bitterness. Some "bad boys"
are just plain criminals that women fall for because they lack the
self-esteem to hold to a higher standard. Bad Boys are not necessarily
those penitentiary romances, folks.
Bad boys are men that have the right combination of qualities to make
them interesting to women, but some character flaws that make them
unsuitable for a long-term commitment. These guys are like ecstasy for
women primarily because there are so many guys that BORE the hell out
of them. Bad boys attract women because they have all the right
confidence traits that women genuinely desire. The downside is that
many of these bad boys are genuinely assholes.
I believe that most guys out there are good at heart. We want a good
woman that won't nag or control us (and they don't WANT to do this,
but most guys let them, so they oblige.)
If we find a truly amazing woman with her sh*t together, we know we'd
gladly trade in the case of Trojans for a more established
"relationship." And I hear about these all the time from guys who find
her, but then proceed to get obsessed with her and scare her off.
This is why I always tell you to D.O.W. - Date Other Women!
It keeps your perspective, allowing you to not scare off the really
worthwhile woman when you meet her. It keeps you from doing all the
crazy obsessive things that push them away and ruin their attraction.
In this article, this writer then finishes up by saying: "While you're
working on all this, don't stop dating. But do be a little choosier.
... Resist the temptation to jump right into a relationship with the
first decent guy you meet, however."
Huh? So if a guy dates around, he's a philanderer. He's a bad-boy and
not desirable.
But she's saying it's okay for a woman to date several men and that
makes her "choosy."
WTF???
Welcome to the Double Standard that NO ONE talks about. It's okay for
women to date a lot of guys and be choosy, because MEN are the ones to
be watched out for, but a man has to woo her and romance ONLY her to
see if he passes her tests for true love.
Puh-lease.
I smell what you're cookin', honey, and I'm leaving the kitchen.
While I'll agree that there are guys out there who do fit the role of
the man who "sleeps around" on women, he's pretty darn rare in this
day and age. And getting rarer every day thanks to our cultural
awareness and a society of men that are now afraid of date-rape
charges, sexual harassment lawsuits, and getting their balls cut off
at the root in the new dating world.
It's only one guy in twenty that knows how to stay cool without
getting giggly around a really attractive woman. And one in ten of
those guys is even capable of the "player" lifestyle.
Think about it: How many guys do you know that you could honestly call
"players"? And how many are really "bad boys"?
In reality, these terms are thrown around as labels for guys after the
fact. If she couldn't keep him interested, he becomes a "player." If
all her girlfriends thought he was hot and knew he wouldn't stick
around, he was also a "bad boy."
Most guys I've seen out there who DO have the skill and qualities to
date many women are:
1) Up front that they're not looking to settle down with one woman yet
(which makes most women want to date and tame him even MORE), and
2) if a woman is lucky enough to find one of them, she KNOWS what
she's getting into here. She's just happy to have found a guy who
doesn't try to propose or pledge his undying love on the second date.
It's time to realize that you're grown ups, ladies. You're adults.
We're all responsible for our actions. Nobody made you go crazy over
that guy you KNEW wasn't going to be a long-term commitment. He didn't
manipulate or trick you. You jumped in like a nine-year-old kid doing
a cannonball dive in the deep end of a pool.
There's a saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on
ME.
Gentlemen, I'm not into Female Bashing,
I'm into MALE EMPOWERMENT. I tell you the things you need to hear and
understand to feel good about being a MAN again. This world we're in
has suddenly made it unfashionable to have an XY chromosome.
Being a man is cool, Beavis... it absolutely ROCKS. And I know that
the best thing is to LOVE women for who they are WITHOUT hating that
I'm a red blooded MAN. Love the smell of women, their crazy tests and
head games, and love their soft squishy parts. But be sure you love
the fact that women still want and need real MEN.
(In this month's Playboy, Christina Applegate says: "What if we had a
bunch of guys trying to be more feminine to fit in with us? We like
the maleness of men - the take-charge, take-care-of-everything
attitude.")
Damn straight.
So here's the deal: While it's generally accepted that women can date
around and be more "choosy," men have to deal with the universal
stigma that they are expected to date only one woman. And, if by some
stroke of fate, if you happen to have the abilities and skills to
attract more than one woman, you might get labeled "bad boy."
But women will love you anyway, no matter what the label is.
Face it: Women like "bad boys" because they know how to make women
happy. Women will take the chance that he might not stay with them for
the fun they give them in return. They're REAL men. Women also love
bad boys because OTHER WOMEN love bad boys! Always remember that women
want what other women want.
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