Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
QUESTION:
I am 30 yrs old and just out of a divorce. It is time to move on and
find a woman i can share my heart with. My problem is i have NO self
confidence and i am extremely shy in social situations. I cant just
walk up to a woman and "buy her a drink" and just start talking.
A few weeks ago I was sitting next to a this woman on a plane and we
had a great conversation the entire flight. Well, like an idiot I
didn't even attempt to get her number, but I did find out her name
and where she works. My question is, in trying to get in touch with
this woman, would it be better to stop by her place of employment or
give her a quick phone call to see about getting together for
drinks?
--------------
CARLOS ANSWERS:
First of all, I need to point out a new way of looking at asking
women for their numbers or contact information. Now, after not
asking her and wishing you had, you understand how important it is
to get the number when you're talking to her. You got lucky that you
had enough information to find her later.
What typically happens is that you'd be kicking yourself for weeks
over not getting her number. And that is far more painful than any
possible rejection you might have been imagining when you talked
yourself out of asking for it in the first place.
Don't forget that pain of regret, because that's your fuel - your
energy - to change old habits into new. NEXT time you'll get that
number if you remember the pain of missing the opportunity the first
time. Think of it as a mental kick in the butt.
As for your Airplane Babe, well you can go after her, but you have
to be very cautious. It's creepy for a guy to track down a woman
like this, because it appears a bit "stalker-ish."
That is, unless he communicates his confidence with his persistence.
If you do that, then she'll be impressed and attracted.
Don't "stop by." Far too weird. Instead, give her a quick call and
just say:
"Hey, I remembered you from the plane trip, and I thought you might
be cool to hang out with. I'm going to Delaney's Pub on Thursday.
Join me there. We'll get a drink and talk some more, that is, if
you've got any good conversation left in you." (Note the slight
tease at the end.)
You see, this communicates to her that you're not desperate (and
this is SO important). You're not asking her, you're TELLING her,
which communicates confidence. And you're already going to this pub,
so she's just joining you in your already exciting life.
That's attractive to a woman, and it communicates all the right
things about you. You've got your life together, and you're looking
to add to it.
Now, you also mentioned your shyness, and isn't it ironic how so
many shy guys feel lonely, and yet there's so MANY of them out
there?
It doesn't have to be this way. You can and will get out there and
be a stud again. Just don't hurry the process. You're recently
divorced, so you don't need to be in any hurry to jump into another
relationship. Being 30 and single is no big deal these days, so
don't worry about the clock ticking on you.
What will pressure you most is that you don't feel like you have the
SKILLS to attract women, so you will want to "lock something down"
really fast when it comes along.
This is the scarcity
mentality that you must avoid at all costs.
I already see some danger signs in what you said about finding a
woman to "share your heart with." That's needy-speak, and it
indicates that you're in shock of being thrown back to being alone.
Just get out there, get experience, and get comfortable being ALONE
first. Then you can convey the right attitude that will attract
women later on. If you don't lean back and get relaxed with your
lifestyle, you'll communicate a nervous desperation that will
undermine all your future attempts.
Your confidence has been shaken by the end of your marriage, but you
can't let that hurry you into something that will hurt you later on.
Use this time to get your life into ship-shape.
Get exercising, if you haven't already. Get a few new hobbies.
Create a life that a woman will want to participate in.
And you'll find that your shyness will fade as soon as you discover
that you've got nothing to fear out there. When you know you'll be
fine alone is when you'll find (and keep) another.
You see, most guys kiss up to a woman and work too hard to get her
attention, not knowing that they need to get her ATTRACTION.
And you can't do it with a soft, nice guy attitude. You get "Nice"
when you lose confidence in yourself.
Can you be firm and controlled?
Do you have what it takes to CHALLENGE women?
Or are you going to break down and treat her ... NICE.
How many times have you heard this:
"Nice Guys just don't get laid."
The Nice Guy SEEMS like what women want, but he's not. And now we
are going to show you the reasons why, and help you get rid of the
"Nice Guy" forever.
Are you ready to start learning how to dramatically improve your
self-confidence?
And don't forget my e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will also help you
get all of that ... and then some.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit
it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene,
and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what
time it is in the world.
Download it here:
www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm
Use the Advanced Audio Coaching to help you build on that knowledge
and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving
you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your
technique and success with women - first hand.
You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can
even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on
your i-pod!
The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive
tips, and it's available for download at:
www.datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful
with women?
Thanks...
Carlos
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you want to
know how to counter her tests and games? Do you know where to touch
women to give them the chills and turn them on to you? Do you know when
to touch them?
Do you know how to interpret a
woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor? Do you
want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally get some
understanding of women? Some real tangible results? It's tempting to
wing it. It really is.
Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing. It doesn't have to be
anymore.
www.datingdynamics.com
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Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved
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