Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
QUESTION:
Hey Carlos,
I've been hanging out with this girl for about a month now. We've
spent the night together quite a few times without ever having s*ex.
However, we've done just about everything else we could do, without
actually having s*ex. This last time we spent the night together (we
seem to go farther and farther each time we hang out) we're making out
and then she asks when the last time I had s*ex was.
Now I know that this is one of those questions that I'm not suppose to
answer so I try to blow it off but she wouldn't let me. So I answer it
really vaguely "Oh, it was a while ago" is what I said. But that
didn't seem to be good enough for her, and she kept pressing.
Now I didn't want to come off like I was totally trying to dodge the
question, so eventually I said it's been 2 months(and really it's been
about 3 weeks). She then said "well that's not a long time". It didn't
stop things from going the way they've been going, and I can tell
she's still really into me, but we still haven't had s*ex yet.
In a way I feel like she's asking valid questions, not because she's
asking them, but because of all of the nasty stuff out there one could
catch. Will you help me know how to handle this type of situation next
time it comes up, and she's really pressing for an answer about my
past.
Thanks
---------------
Let's start out that it's good that you've been able to put this
together
Hmmm... my first diagnosis of this situation is that you're in
troubled territory...
Why do I say this?
First, let's look at what's really happening:
You're not moving in fast and strong enough with the right dynamic to
keep her lust and attraction moving. You see, if she has time to step
back and think about "where this is going," (and she must be thinking
this in some way if she's more concerned about trust than excited
about possibility) then you need to step up the attack a little.
You see, you're also starting to sympathize with her questions. You're
right, she does have valid questions, but that doesn't make them ones
you need to deal with. The simple solution to her questions: Wear a
condom. That will take care of 99% of those pesky problems. But don't
get caught up in defensive mode.
She's asking questions because she reached a point where she thought
"Uh-oh! If I keep going, I'm going to sleep with him." She now needs
to know she isn't a slut to keep going.
Now, she WANTS to sleep with you, but she's losing that lovin'
"feeling." Familiarity is starting to creep in, and she's now putting
up defensive obstacles to getting together with you. Women who are
"hot" for a man don't stomp on the brakes like this unless they're
having doubts.
Either about you, or whether or not she's being "easy."
What you need to do is step back away from HER. Show HER some doubts.
Don't talk to her for a couple days. Chill and get yourself a few new
numbers.
You have to be willing to risk a little tension between you two,
because right now it's starting to go south. If you don't seal this
deal soon, she's going to tell you about needing space, or she'll just
start avoiding you altogether. I've seen these signs before.
Everything looks "great" between you, but it will come out of nowhere.
To handle this question in the future, you need to put HER on the
defensive instead of letting yourself get put there. You can say: "Why
do you ask? Are you afraid there's another hen in my barnyard? Are you
-- (poke her in the
ribs) -- JEALOUS?" And start tickling her.
Get the tension up again.
OR
Joke with her about asking. "Wow, you're moving pretty fast there,
aren't you? One minute you're kissing me, the next you're about to
attack me. I'm not sure I'm ready... you see, (pretend you're getting
all soft and
sensitive) I grew my cherry back, so now I'm a virgin again. I have to
trust you to let you have your way with me."
Remember, she's not looking for logical and rational answers. She just
wants to feel trust and attraction.
(And no more nights together unless it's going all the way. That's a
rule. You only stay over if you're getting some, chum.)
---------------
QUESTION:
I've got to tell you that the information in your news letters are
great. My success has sky rocketed. I just started college not to long
ago and because of the information in the news letters alone I haven't
found a women who has turned me down with getting her email or phone
number so far.
When I walk down the halls I notice that more and more women smile and
notice me and im able to get email's or phone numbers with ease.
With my newfound success I have a minor flaw you might be able to fix.
You see, as I said before I get a girls email with ease, but writing
an effective email is a different story.
In a past news letter I remember you saying that you should keep the
first email short. I think my problem is I tend to try a little too
much to make something reply worthy. This may be why I'm not getting
as much replys from the emails I sent as I would like.
I sent [an] email out on friday and I still haven't gotten a reply. Oh
well, I'll see her in class again in a few days.
Could you give me a good example of what a first time email should be
like? I"d like some basic rules I can go by so my email success could
be a little better then I can break the ice better and start getting
more dates.
---------------
Here are a couple of rules to the first email:
- Be SHORT (no more than a couple sentences)
- Be VERY short - (I really mean this one.)
- Be FUNNY (give her a little chuckle, but don't try too hard.)
When I say short, I mean SHORT. Keep it to just a short sentence or
two. Guys who are in demand don't have time to write long emails. And
for every sentence over two or three, she's wondering why you're
spending so much time on this girl you hardly even know. It's a bit
creepy.
Be funny, because you want to revive that sense of fun that you two
had together when you met, and you want her to remember it enough to
want more.
And lastly, always ask a question that she will HAVE to answer.
Something that she won't be able to RESIST answering ....
"I have a guy that is interested in taking you out to tea this week.
Give me a call and I'll tell you about him..." (And then when she
calls, tell her it's you...)
"You know, I think you might have dropped something when we were
talking... give me a call..." (And then when she calls, tell her she
dropped a hint that she wanted to talk to you again...)
"I just talked to someone who knows you... You better call me about
this - what he said is really unbelievable..." (And then when she
calls, you tease her FOREVER about it. Make her REALLY wonder. And the
only way you will tell her is if she meets you at the coffee place on
Wednesday...)
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