The Temptation of Not Having A Plan
Pick-up advice for men by Carlos Xuma based on 'The Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for women? Do you want to know how to counter her tests and games? Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them on to you?
Continue reading and you will.
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll "Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing. It doesn't have to be anymore. THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
Before I give up one of my secrets about how to approach women, I want to talk about a dirty word with you.
Well, it's not a cuss word, but it's dirty because no one wants to talk about it.
That word is: Prejudice.
What do you think of when you hear this word? For a lot of people it stirs up some anger and bad feelings. It used to do the same for me, too.
I grew up Italian and poor in a city in Upstate New York, near Buffalo. I used to catch a lot of grief for my nationality, but also because we had no money.
I remember distinctly one summer when I was working for the town. I had a few weeks left in the program to earn some money, and I was a po' little 15 year old kid. I just needed a few bucks to buy some stuff I needed for the school year.
I remember sitting in the office of the town recreation board supervisor. A big fat guy named Ron, if my memory serves. I sat there in his front lobby for a while to wait and see if I would get the job for a little longer that year.
Before my turn came to talk to Ron to find out, in walks big Vinny. No, that's no dumb mafia joke. Vinny was the son of a local business owner who had some clout in the area. Well, big Vinny and Big Daddy go into Ron's office, while I watch Ron slap Vinny's dad on the back like they were long-lost brothers. The door closes behind them and their laughter.
My heart sank.
Right then, I knew I didn't get the job. Vinny was all set, and Carlos was out in the cold.
I remember sitting there with that disappointed feeling in my gut, knowing that this little rich kid was going to screw me out of my few extra dollars for the summer. Money that daddy could have given him in a minute, but would take me a month to earn.
And now I wouldn't get it, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. It was the good ol' boy's club, and I didn't meet their membership requirements.
Now, I could have gotten all mad about it, stomped my feet about it not being "fair," and all. It really wasn't even Vinnie's fault. He couldn't know.
But I remember having another realization. I thought that if Ron was stupid enough to hire a lazy dweeb like Vinny, then they can keep their lousy job.
Of course, that wasn't much consolation.
Until I came up with another realization: I would WIN.
No matter how much the odds were stacked against me in life, I would prevail. I could have my dick kicked in the dirt, and I would get back up again.
So why am I telling you this? Yet another of Carlos' childhood stories...
Well, it's because the unfair situation that I found myself in doesn't have to happen to you.
Even if it comes up in another way.
You're a victim of women's prejudice, and you might not be aware of it. Just the same way I was as a kid, you are now. And it has nothing to do with your appearance or color of skin or even your income.
Let's break down the word a bit.
To judge too soon.
It's been shown in some recent studies that we make snap decisions about people based on facial expressions and body language that takes place in less than the BLINK OF AN EYE. Literally.
I just finished this great book, "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. It's a study of how the human brain makes all these complicated decisions without us even knowing about it.
In his book, he talks about these indicators and signals that we don't know we're seeing, but we're making judgments about other people based upon them.
Now something I want to add to this is that women are making them about YOU without you knowing about it.
Some of them will change if you take control of them, but a lot of them are tied DIRECTLY to your sense of self-esteem. You'll show them because they're impossible to control entirely.
Whoah. Think about that for a second. There are a bunch of things you can control about your appearance and so forth, but a lot of these behaviors are OUTSIDE your control. (Well, not completely, as I'll explain.)
I think this means that a lot of guys out there are treating the symptoms rather than the disease.
And that's exactly what you're doing if you are trying to learn a ton of new "tricks" and seduction/hypnosis tools without training yourself and working on your INNER game first. All those cool hypnotic words and "negging" techniques don't work right if you don't know how to properly communicate your Alpha value to a woman.
Sure, you can "peacock," but you have to have the right belief system to back it up or you'll come across as a dweeb in a top hat and eye-liner.
There's some good news here, though. You can learn how to approach women and override her "Blink" response to you by bypassing it entirely.
That's right. When you demonstrate Alpha Male confidence, you are creating the persona (a REAL persona, not a fake) that will shut down or short circuit her subconscious attempts to shut you out of her life.
After all, on one hand, a woman wants love and
affection and all that comes with it ...
... but on the other hand she also wants a trouble-free life. She has enough drama already, and she wants to avoid any possible heartache. So she creates a lot of fancy protection mechanisms to keep you from getting by without impressing her in the right way.
Just like a rock concert where you can't get past the big dudes guarding the band from groupies.
All you need is a backstage pass.
That backstage pass is a concise method for how to
approach women in any situation. To show, through your
verbal power, that you are -
For a long time, I had a problem talking with women. They just seemed like an alien life form to me. They liked makeup and sleepovers and pop songs about "girl power."
I felt like I had nothing in common with them.
But I finally figured out the amazing core elements of good conversation, and they work like a charm on just about everyone you'll meet. These elements can be learned and practiced with just about anyone, anywhere.
Here's one of them:
- Start with a contextual "opener."
What is a contextual opener? Well, it's one that obeys the rule of "Where the hell are you?"
In other words, if you want to walk up to that girl at the grocery store and say hello, don't ask her if she saw the fight out front. Don't tell her you want to read her palm. Those are club openers that would sound stupid in the Safeway meat section.
Instead, make sure the opener fits the situation. Not only will it work better, but you'll be much more believable with the words. It's a lot easier to talk about the real world around you than try to make up something dumb.
"Hey, have you tried that new high-quality roast beef they sell here? I'm planning a party and I want to know if it would be good to put on the platter."
There you go.
Does it make her toes tingle and her nipples pop out? No. But it makes SENSE for where you ARE. And she'll be much more likely to respond.
Now, after she responds, chances are that she'll be a little overwhelmed by this unexpected interest and may be a bit bashful. (Guys often misinterpret a woman's shyness as disinterest.) This is where you have to reassure her and carry the conversation forward.
"Now if I'd known you weren't an expert on deli meats I would have asked someone else. But hey, you looked friendly." Shrug and say this with a slight smile. "Are you here doing some shopping after work?"
And just gently carry it forward.
Now, there's one critical element of this conversation that I left out, and I don't have enough space to write it all out here. But you can find it along with all the information you could want on how to approach women and talk to women - including reading their body language.
The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating
scene explained, and all the inner-workings of the social dynamics involving his interactions with women.
It's available here.
Copyright © Carlos Xuma and Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved.