Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics
author of 'The
Dating Black Book' available only at:
www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm
We interviewed Carlos Xuma a few
days ago. Let's learn a little more about the author of 'Dating
Dynamics' and 'Alpha Confidence'.
Rob: So
Carlos, first a little introduction about how you got into this business
of helping guys meet women...
Carlos: How long have you been doing this and how did you get
into it?
I've been helping guys get more success with women for the last 7 years
on the Internet.
Before that, I went through a long and hard journey of trying to figure
out how and why my dating life had gone so very wrong. I was reading
books on relationships, and all the stuff you find in the bookstores,
but they were all written by people who really weren't getting very good
results in their own lives. They talked about the way things SHOULD be -
logically. But, as we know, attraction is anything but logical.
My big focus now is helping guys overcome their own self-limiting
beliefs and master both the INNER game of attraction (confidence,
self-esteem, etc.), as well as the skills - the OUTER game of
attraction.
I also teach guys about MOTIVATION - which is the fuel for all the
things a you will accomplish in your life.
This is what I call the "Triple-Threat": Motivation, Inner Game, Outer
Game. With all three of these in place, you're unstoppable.
Rob: What is the
biggest mistake guys make when they go out to meet women?
Carlos: In my opinion, the biggest mistake is how most guys THINK
when they go out. You see, all of the questions I get from guys have two
parts - the inner and the outer, and one is a matter of *beliefs*, and
the other is a matter of knowing the correct WHAT to do - the ACTIONS.
First, when most guys go out, they are thinking about GETTING women.
This is the first big mistake. You're focused on your own needs and
wants and not enough on GIVING to other people. If you go out with this
"I want to get a woman" mentality, women will pick it up. Even guys can
sense a selfish agenda.
But you can have a healthy DESIRE for a woman that creates something
much more intense than just physical intimacy, and that involves a
change of attitude.
Ask yourself a simple question: "If she knew what my motives were, could
I blame her for her reaction?"
Guys don't realize that women want sex even MORE than they do. They
enjoy it more than we do, why wouldn't they? But they have a much better
ability to control that desire with protective instinct.
Rob: What in your
opinion is one of the best places to meet women that a lot guys don't
know about?
Honestly, speed dating. I used to do these events all the time, and I'd
come away with a girlfriend every time I did one. Plus, they are
excellent places to hone and refine your social skills. I'd try out new
conversation and new questions, and I'd really get a feel for what works
with a woman.
You see, you have to work the numbers. 95% of the guys I talk to are
meeting LESS than 1 woman a week. Once you get past the "approach
anxiety" challenge - something that every guy has, and I show you how to
get past it - you see that it's all about meeting enough women that you
can make an educated choice as to the one you create a relationship
with.
The next best place for guys is online dating. Every guy knows about
this one, but not every guy is using it to his advantage - or correctly.
Most guys quit before they get the results they're looking for, and it's
simply a job of tweaking his approach. In my opinion, you need to have
more than 2 ways to meet women that you're using ALL the time.
Rob: When you're
training guys could you give a little run down of the process in which
take them through?
The first step is a complete reboot of their masculine operating system.
This is a clearing out of their old thoughts and mistaken beliefs about
women and social dynamics. Next up is a complete reload of their
operating system with Alpha Man OS. This is simply re-educating a guy to
what being a MAN in today's world really is.
Once you understand the changes in thinking that need to take place, you
then have to have a game plan for implementing them into your life so
that they become your natural way of acting and thinking. Again, I'm
teaching guys the big picture stuff here, not the "how to get laid with
the drunk bar chick at 2:00 AM" method.
The next step after that is to unlock your motivation.
Rob: What is one thing
a guy can do right now to increase his attractiveness to women?
First of all, get in touch with your real passions in life. There is no
single thing that I have found that has had such a drastic effect as
really getting in touch with what gets me fired up about LIFE. And let
me assure you guys out there that are thinking:
"Women are my passion!" NO. Women are not a true passion. They are an
outlet of your sexual drive, but not your TRUE passion.
(And when women find a guy that's just into women, or appears to be, he
trips their radar in all sorts of bad ways. She knows that this guy is
not a good bet for her evolutionary success.)
When you find the things that get you excited about life - like your
hobbies and your goals and your relationships in general - you will pay
less attention to women for your fulfillment, which ironically makes you
more attractive to them.
So, that being said, guys still want to be more successful with women
along the way, so we can do that, too. Here's a way you can use this
right now:
Right now, take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things
that really get you fired up about life. Detail them in terms of their
sensory experience. If you like snowboarding (as I do), then you might
write something like: Snowboarding - the sense of wind and biting air on
my face, the relentless rush of speed down the mountain, the moments of
catching air and feeling your heart stop in your chest, etc.
The more sensory description you can put into it the better. Then,
memorize this and talk about it when you're with a woman. I guarantee
you this will work better than almost any "script" or fake routine you
can find out there. Why? Because it's genuine and YOURS.
Also, the most potent and immediate thing you can do with a woman to
generate attraction is to be FUN.
If you're too serious and too focused on what you're trying to get, you
can't be fun. And when you create the frame of giving her fun and
excitement, you will also be focused on the GIVING.
Make FUN your focus, and you'll start seeing a radical difference in
your results.
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