Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is.
Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
Guys, check out this
email I got:
"I was just reading your articles online and you are a real asshole.
Glad to know you are giving other men advice on how to manipulate
women. Treating someone with respect will go alot father than...
What a loser!
(Laurel)"
Wow, that was a simply STUNNING argument. When you learn how to spell
and complete your sentences, you may want to give me a phone call.
I'll bet that you're not getting a whole lot of action right now,
anyway.
I love it when I get emails like this, because they just prove what
I'm doing. First of all, that you can never make everyone like you,
and second that many women are inherently unable to see that this is
not about "respect" or manipulation of women.
It's about treating yourself with respect and dignity FIRST.
It's about not letting yourself get taken advantage of by a program
that makes you buy women dinners and flowers, only to get a kiss on
the cheek from them and a "you're so sweet!"
It's about knowing the rules of the game - the ones she's been using
for years to get what SHE wants. It's about getting the success YOU
deserve with women ... and getting rid of uptight ones like this as
fast as you possibly can...
I never preach that you disrespect women, only that you put yourself
up there at least as high as you put her up on that pedestal she loves
so much.
Oh, and it was fun being a "loser" again last night on my gal's couch
...
:-D
---------------
QUESTION:
My over all attitude is coming along, compared to how it use to be ( a
recovering nice guy). However there are still a few things I'm having
trouble with. The teasing and cockyness seems to be getting women's
attention extremely well, but there are a lot of times where that's
all I really say to them. I almost feel like I'm doing it too much.
There has got to be some happy medium out there that I'm just not
getting, or is this a normal feeling?
It also seems that this problem goes hand in hand with getting her
emotionally involved (something that's a bigger problem than teasing
too much, but I think are connected somehow). I haven't ever been able
to get women to emotionally connect with me or with what I'm saying.
For instance; My band played at this bar last weekend, and the
waitress already knew me from the last time we played there. Right off
the bat she was real happy to see me and every time our paths crossed
she was touching me ( I didn't touch her back, though).
However she never got emotionally into what I said, I feel that all I
did was give her a hard time. toward the end of the night when we were
packing up, I was trying to get her to think it would be her idea to
hang out at her place after we got done (another thing that is a
problem for me... ??she thinks it's her idea??), but this never
happened. I would very much like to see how all this works, but just
can't seem to put it together. Can you please help me understand?
Thanks,
-G
-----------------
Well, first off, you're
in a band, dude. That's good for a lot of mileage right there. You
know firsthand that chicks love guys in bands.
Why?
Because when you're onstage, you demonstrate all the qualities of a
man they want to be with - independent, confident, fun,
self-interested.
But there is more, as you're discovering. Let's review...
1) Good work on the first stage. You're getting the hang of the most
important part. You're getting them interested, and the women are
getting touchy-feely. This is a great indication of interest (IOI)
from a woman. You don't get much more obvious a signal than her
touching you.
2) Now, after you tease and get her attention, you have to balance it
with "real" behavior. In other words, you now have to work on building
RAPPORT. Rapport is that feeling that the person you're hanging with
is "like you." You have to build that sense of affection and trust
that gives her a warm sensation.
You can't just tease. I've said this before, and it's covered in the
Audio coaching as well. If you're just teasing or doing the cocky
routine, you're ignoring the factor of achieving rapport with her.
Humor will take the edge off this, but you still have to retain a good
attitude. You have to come across as HUMAN.
Remember that part of the equation is feeling self-confident, but that
doesn't mean she has to trust you or feel comfortable around you. So
shoot for the confidence as you work on building rapport with her.
Always remember that what you think you're communicating with your
confidence may not be received and interpreted the way you want.
Confidence is a combination of many small behaviors that add up to the
overall total self-confidence of a man. If you're not achieving
congruency (your actions = your beliefs) then you'll trigger alarms in
her head and she'll lose her feelings of trust.
I believe that most guys want just ONE good woman, and that's the
primary reason we get obsessed when we find a woman we really like. We
realize how rare a good woman is, and we want to lock her in as soon
as possible. You want to avoid over-doing it. Acting aloof or distant
is the wrong angle to play early in the game. You want to appear
unflappable by her behavior, but not too distant from her.
Again, you must be human. She has to feel that you've got a heart.
(And hopefully you do have one!) Remember: Act with a laid-back
confidence that she can trust.
Here are a few steps:
1) Start touching her back - just a LITTLE.
2) Use slower speech patterns and much stronger eye contact. In fact,
make eye contact without saying anything. That will turn her on.
3) Start talking about things that you have in common. Don't talk
about YOU - talk about HER. Find things in HER life that you can
connect to, and let her know how you connect.
4) Start making her LAUGH. She has to be laughing WITH you a good
portion of the time to feel rapport. Make sure you're not just teasing
her, but be funny about other things as well.
(HINT: Review the section on the Three S's in the ebook... If any of
you don't have this book yet, you can download it here:
www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm)
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