Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
QUESTION:
Well Carlos, it happened. I didn't think it would with this girl, but it
happened. I find myself becoming immensely attracted to the girl who was
giving me mixed signals last weekend. Last night my friends and these
girls got a motel room, just to party and have fun in.
At first I just wanted to hook with the girl, but she said she wasn't
into the one night stands which I respected of course. It actually made
me think a lot more of her and as corny as it sounds we just "cuddled"
and talked the whole night and it was actually fun. Her cousin told me
she wants to see me again and wants me to call her. How long should I
wait before calling her again?
One more thing. Supposedly she usually doesn't date guys like me. What I
mean is, she has a history of dating older guys. Her and I are 20, and I
guess she used to date 30 year olds. How can I compete with that?
It's like they have a huge advantage over me since she most likely
thinks of them as more mature. She told her cousin she wasn't going to
let something like this stop her from seeing me, but still.
I feel a little insecure. How can I keep her at bay and wanting more? I
used the tease to please method you described in your book and it worked
like a charm to get her interested in me in the first place. I want her
to not be able to stop thinking of me. What do I have to do?
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CARLOS ANSWERS:
You're hooked on the girl who is giving you mixed signals?
No way!
Are you sure?
Wow.
That's a surprise.
NOT!
Get ready to be called on the carpet for this one. I wouldn't be doing
my job if I sugar coated this. Dude, you're falling prey to the ONE
thing I warn you about most. When a woman runs hot and cold, the guy is
INEVITABLY drawn in because he doesn't know where he stands with her.
Remember my recipe for emotional addiction:
Take 1 part Attraction and Hope mixed with 1 part Doubt and Uncertainty.
Stir together for a week or two, cook at room temperature, and you have
HOPELESS INFATUATION.
(Add in a little Masturbation and Fantasy and you get TRUE LOVE.)
Sound harsh? It's damn well true. Guys fall for this one by the
TRUCKLOADS.
Cuddle all night...?
Holy S**t, dude. You gotta be kidding me. You fell for that one, too.
This is another classic CHICK LURE.
They get you all hot and bothered, keep you at that temperature for
HOURS and HOURS with no release, and in the process YOU are now totally
smitten. She gets EVERYTHING she wants, and you got next to NOTHING. She
even used that line about "not wanting one night stands." EVERY WOMAN ON
THE PLANET says that. Have you EVER heard a woman say they WANT a one
night stand? (Review the "Slut Complex" from the e-books and audio.)
EVERY WOMAN on the PLANET will have a one night stand if the conditions
are right. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to sleep with her on the
first date, but WATCH OUT! She's now got you in the one-down position
because she got the first right of refusal.
She's also got you feeling insecure about her dating history. Oh, that's
great. She's even got you feeling like you have to PROVE yourself to
her. (i.e., QUALIFYING.) And you're even imagining you're in competition
with GUYS WHO DON'T EVEN EXIST YET.
Do you see where I'm going with this? She's messing with your mind.
Let's see, you used my strategies to get her interested. Now you ask
what's the best way for you to get her to keep her wanting more?
Hmm. Gee, I don't know....
How about you KEEP DOING what I tell you in the books. And since she's
now more interesting to you for having treated you this way ...
... Why don't you do to HER what SHE IS DOING TO YOU?
That's right, you give HER the SAME EXACT treatment (without looking
like you're doing it out of revenge...)
Give HER a little uncertainty and doubt. She needs to be qualifying
herself to YOU. Not the other way around. Call her in four days from
when you last spoke to her. But don't talk to her. Leave her a message
that hints that you'll call her back. Maybe. Then let HER sit in
uncertainty for a while longer.
And for gosh sakes, man, get out there and meet more women. You'll
buffer this infatuation and keep yourself stable. If you don't, next
week you'll be writing to me wanting to know why she's suddenly gone
after you left her flowers and poems.
Don't laugh. I'm dead serious.
---------------
QUESTION:
Carlos,
Ok, basically the issue is bringing up to woman the
topic of the fact that I don't want a serious
relationship, that I like to sleep with whomever I want,
etc. When should I address this to a woman I am
interested in-BEFORE I get physical with her or after?
If she asks my dating status prior, how should I address
it, and are the words to be used important?
I find this really confusing, because I feel like the
the woman will feel led on maybe if I don't tell her
what I want right away but at the same time I feel like
it will get all her defenses up, she get the anti slut
thing going on and may reject getting physical with me,
not getting to FEEL how good sleeping with me is, and I
think once a woman feels this she will be more inclined
to sleep with me regardless.
Basically I bring this up because I had conflicts with
the last few gals I got involved with about this. We all
know that woman by nature seem to prefer just sleeping
with one guy at a time, want more committed
relationships then men probably, etc.
The thing is, the guys woman are attracted to most
probably are sleeping around, talk to a lot of woman,
etc. etc...so obviously the guys woman want the most are
sleeping with lots of woman in many cases, ones who say
all the things like "I don't want to get hurt, I only
sleep with a man who only sleeps with me too, I want
commitment, " etc. etc.
I mean some of the best guys out there with woman have
slept with hundreds and the rare ones thousands of
women, I mean what the hell do these guys do? Sleep with
a woman the first day they meet and never talk to her
again? Thanks for the advice...
-D
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The answer to this situation has a couple sides. First
of all, ask yourself WHY YOU CARE if she knows you are
dating other people. Because of what you think she'd
think of you, right?
Most guys are very afraid of letting a woman know that
they're dating other people because they think the woman
only wants a guy who wants a LONG TERM relationship. Not
so.
This is what a woman LOGICALLY might think... but once
she's in a relationship, she'll find her way out if she
wants another guy. (And this is often how it goes down.
A woman thinks that she's a slut if she sleeps with a
bunch of men, so she'll figure her own way of getting
out of a relationship if it suits her.)
You see, women aren't ready to settle down at 18.
Or 20.
Or 22.
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