Carlos Xuma: Questions, Motivation, Quantity

Carlos Xuma of Dating Dynamics author of 'The Dating Black Book'

Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you want to know how to counter her tests and games? Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor? Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results? It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll "Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing. It doesn't have to be anymore. THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.

HOW TO GET MORE BY ASKING MORE

I want to introduce you to a unique concept that may finally change how you view your game with women. First, let's talk about your inner monologue, dude.

One of the most powerful personal development methods you can use to alter the course of your life (your DESTINY, really) is through the use of QUESTIONS.

Questions cut through and clarify the current state of affairs, and they help you see what may not have been visible before.

However, they can only do this if you have the guts to answer them TRUTHFULLY. The man who lies to himself can never see the world clearly, and will then subject every bit of his reality to illusion - like looking at the world through distorted glass. In the short-term, he'll make himself feel 'better' about things by lying to himself, but in the long-term he'll just ensure his own failure.

Success is fleeting when it's based on faulty understanding.

Ask yourself a few questions to clarify where YOU are right now:
- Are you looking for just one woman to "settle down" with? If so, why?
- Do you want to sleep with as many women as you can? And why?
- Are you feeling that your skills in meeting and getting women interested in you are where you want them to be? If not, what are you doing to remedy this situation?
- If you know you want something (a woman, a new job, a more comfortable social life), what is stopping you from having it?
- Do you ever feel incapable of doing the things you know you need to do? Do you wish you had a "magic button" you could push that would get you in gear when you need to?

These questions focus on the one critical element of any drive to change your life: your MOTIVATION. Asking yourself questions allows you to find out what it is that kicks you in the @ss and gets you moving towards your goals.

Without understanding what it is that drives you, you could spend your whole life saying something like this:

"I wish I knew somewhere to go to meet women."
"I have the worst luck with women."
"Yeah, I'll be at work late. You know me - I've got no life." (Even jokingly.) "I'm happy being single." (When it's a cop-out for failures with women.) "Yeah, I know, BUT...." ("But" what?) "I'll just rent a movie at home tonight..." "I can't find any women that are right for me..." (While only "meeting" one woman every couple of weeks or months at best.)

If there's one person you have to tell the truth to in the end, it's yourself, guys.

The reality is that the ONLY way to improve your situation with women is to get out there and interact with MORE women. Of every kind imaginable. Friends, lovers, acquaintances, you name it.

QUANTITY is the name of the game.
MORE women means MORE opportunities. It's a simple numbers game.
MORE women means more successes ... and more failures. Remember that the sports superstars don't just succeed more, they also fail more. But the failures aren't failures to them, and they don't mean anything to them. When you're in a scarcity (and SCARED-ity) mindset, the failures hurt so much because they comprise a high proportion of your game.

If you meet 2 women and strike out with 1, that's 50%. If you meet 10 women and strike out with 5, that's still 50%, but you bet your @ss you don't care as much when you've got the other 5 saying "Yes, please." Your RATIO of failures is the same, but you've just multiplied your successes by FIVE.

Pretty slick, huh? Let's call this seduction math. If the woman you're looking for is one-in-a-thousand, guess how many women you're likely to have to go through to find her?

"Uhhh.... heheh... Dude... I'm not good at math..."

Well, it would be nice if she showed up in the first ten or fifteen, but that's not how Murphy's Law works. If you have a 1 in 1000 shot, chances are your number will come up right around the end... say, Ms. 999 or Ms. 1000.
So get busy.

If you find yourself saying "I'm just not lucky with women," it's nothing about LUCK. It's that you aren't exposing yourself to enough women to warrant MORE success.

EVERY question and problem works itself out if you approach enough women. EVERY bit of understanding and skill comes from the number of women you get into your life by taking action. Knowledge isn't power - it's only POTENTIAL.

ACTION is what separates the men from the boys.

EVERY problem you're having with your dating life right now can be traced back to some root causes, but most wind up being that guys simply don't TRY enough. They don't try, and they don't succeed, and then they don't ask themselves the all-important question:

What can *I* do to change this situation, instead of blaming something outside my control or sphere of influence?

And, that all-important follow up:

What do I need to start thinking in order to motivate myself to actually DO IT?

Ask yourself those hard questions. The difference in the quality of your life can be traced back to the decisions you make every day.

And every decision started out as a question.

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Question
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I met this girl at work, we both attracted to each other, when I first asked her out, her boyfriend was away. We went for a drink, nothin more, she told me she doesnt wanna rush... A week later, we kissed at work, next day she came & told me that was a mistake, & her boyfriend s comin back next week... So I stayed away, & havent seen each other for about 2 weeks (working different shifts), 2 days ago, we were working together, after work I drove her home, she asked me to come up for a drink, first I refused , but she insisted , so I went to her place.

We first start talkin, then we end up on the bed, me on the top givin her some "Massage". I touched her boobs, she didnt mind, & when she got to the point where she couldnt resist, she asked me to stop, because she's tired.. She knows that girls at work like me, but she doesnt show that she's jealous. Sometimes she show me her cold shoulder, other time she's cool. What should I do to drive her to me?

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Let's run this one by-the-numbers...

Dating Dynamics

First of all, I have to give you the standard warning about dipping your pen in the company ink. Be sure that you aren't in a position where you two could become involved and have this jeopardize your job. It's complicated managing a workplace romance (if it even works out) and it's even more difficult to extract yourself later. But, if you're mature enough to handle it, there's a lot of potential in the work zone.

Second, are you seeing other people? It sounds to me like your fixated on this gal and aren't spreading your attention around, so that you don't sit around at night asking yourself "How can I get this one girl to love me????" You'll obsess and ruin your chances. The tighter you hold on to something, the more likely it is to elude you.

Third, it sounds as though you're courting another dangerous situation: a boyfriend who is still in the picture. This doesn't mean you should stop your moving in on her, but be sure Bubba isn't a redneck with a twelve-gauge shotgun in his pickup. Also, ask yourself why this gal is fooling around. Is she sick of him and looking for the next vine to swing to? Needing a little attention? If she does this to him, she WILL do it to you.

Fourth, it does sound as if she's genuinely attracted to you and she's not just leading you on for the attention. HOWEVER, don't try to tell me that you got her to the point where she couldn't resist, because SHE DID resist. She put on the brakes - on purpose. (Here's a wet slap of Truth: No woman stops a hot time with a guy because she's "tired.")

Why did she halt the fun? Because she knew that she could have you, and there was no anticipation. So, somewhere below her thoughts, she got guilty/scared and put your brakes on so that you didn't run over her. She wasn't sure she wanted to do more with you because her desire wasn't raised higher than the level of her caution.

(Re-read that a couple times. It's important.)

Your job as a man is to bring her to a level of desire and anticipation so high that she cannot say no to you.

Fifth (gosh, we're up to 5 already?), she may know that other women at work like you, and this probably contributes to her desire for you, but you have to prove to her WHY. She got interested because she sees others desiring you (women want what other women want), and your perceived value increased as a result. You did the right thing in making her beg a little to get you to come in (playing hard to get), but she let you cop a feel and now you're just rolling over and giving her everything she wants.

You stopped being a challenge.

Hmmm. Her hot/cold treatment works like a charm, huh?

Golly. I wonder why.

So how do you raise her desire and attraction for you?

What you should do is turn the tables a little. Send some mixed signals.

When she's warm, you act a little cool and indifferent. When she's cool, you act warm and indifferent to her coolness. (If you act put off by her coolness, you demonstrate that her behavior controls your behavior.) And all the while, you need to keep flirting with the other gals to make sure she knows she isn't the only game in town. Be a lot less available.

If she really wants what you've got, she needs enough space to feel like she wants it. You're taking the fun out of the chase by giving up your goods so easily. No woman wants what can be had too easily.

And did I mention that you should be dating other women? Good. Just checking. You'll be amazed at how attracted she'll be when there might be someone else to take you away.

Remember, I teach this strategy not in the spirit of manipulation, but to show you some of the critical behaviors that confident men do ALL THE TIME, without even consciously deciding to do them, because it comes NATURALLY. I explain them so that you see the micro-behaviors that comprise the overall attitude. They don't exist in a vacuum, but by the time you acquire all the understanding of these small strategies, you'll understand the greater picture and can begin to work top-down as well.

The top-down strategies are exactly what the Dating Dynamics e-book (and audio series) will teach you. Not only do you learn what the subtle psychological aspects are, but how you can amplify these "Alpha Man" traits so that you are able to draw in the women that you want. The only magic you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action.

If you're reading these newsletters, and you find yourself nodding your head, wishing you could figure out what the heck is going on in your own dating situation, it's time to do better. This ebook teaches you the critical success factors in attracting women.

Are you tired of dating women, sensing that they're not sure if they're interested, and then getting the "peck on the cheek and a "let's just be friends?" Do you want to take the woman that you've lost and get her interested again? Do you want to make sure you handle it right, from the start?

Get understanding so that you can make 2004 the year you took care of yourself and started being really successful with women. I am convinced that my information is the best out there.

Life is a lot shorter than you think.
Ask yourself: Do you want to wind up in your rocking chair whining about all the things you SHOULD have done?

My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.

"Just thought I'd write you an email and say that the stuff in your book is great and its changing alot of things for me. Already working, getting phone numbers and meeting girls I never would have approached before. Initially I thought your ebook would be a corny thing ... but I bought it out of curiosity, and its really great. Basically what im saying is, Thanks..." - Josh E.
www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm

And the advanced audio series is also finally ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme.

Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!

I'm covering topics each month like how to meet and approach women, how to advance along the dating continuum, how to prepare and present yourself for massive impact, and much more...

The monthly audio series is over 80 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
www.datingdynamics.com/audioprogram.htm

You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.

If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then my e-book and audio coaching will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. It's like getting a book that shows you how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things REALLY work.

Carlos Xuma
www.datingdynamics.com
This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2008, Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved

Dating Dynamics: The Dating Truth for Men ... Questions, Motivation, Quantity