Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
There is a facet of male confidence called posture
that bears some discussion.
What exactly is posture? Well, simply put, it's your ability to feel like you
have control over the situations you enter with women, whether this is asking
for the phone number, date behavior, sexual initiation, whatever.
When you go out on a date, you have to enter the situation with self-control
and assurance. This assurance comes from the deep-seated belief that you are
the one with the goods - this woman needs something you have.
Posture can be gauged on a scale, like those wide speedometers on old luxury
cars. On the far left (near 0 mph) is your total ambivalence (and just a bit
of avoidance) to the situation or woman. On the right (where your engine is
maxxed), you are hopelessly obsessed, anticipating and bemoaning every waking
minute you're not near her. In the middle is a comfortable place for the
needle to rest. You occasionally think about her, but you know you can also
remain detached.
Think of how you felt when you knew someone you were not attracted to had a
crush you: Part of you was flattered, but mostly you could not have cared
less.
Think of how you treated her. You were probably cool and a bit aloof, not
wanting to instigate further feelings of attraction on her part. The ironic
thing is that this only made her want you more.
The point here is that you should strive to emulate this kind of attitude with
every woman you relate to. The trick is that you practice this cool detachment
with a balance of flirtatious interest, but only enough to give them some
doubt about your intentions -- Mystery.
Emulate the masters: James Dean, Sean Connery, Cary Grant, John Wayne, Clint
Eastwood, etc. These guys were a bit sexist in their day, but they displayed
the stoic example of male posture: Their personas said they didn't give a damn
if the woman they were with wanted them or not, and that is why they were
admired by men and women alike.
But keep in mind that posture is not just a hardened visage of manliness. To
the contrary, your ability to remain vulnerable and flexible is essential to
success. The man that is rigid and unbending will break (as the Taoist saying
about the reed in the wind.) Balance your firmness with a measure of emotional
warmth.
(Another possible trap of false posture is
the manipulation of a woman's self-esteem, and you should avoid this as
well. It can be tempting to use a woman's insecurities against her as a
tool to control her. This is not the correct use of posture.)
You'll know you have posture when you have the will to get up and leave
ANY situation you happen to be in with a woman if it suits you.
You'll be able to pull back from a kiss first, thus leaving her wanting
more. You'll be able to call her bluffs and tests. You'll be able to
turn her down for a date because you're busy. You'll be able to walk
away from a potentially poisonous woman, no matter how beautiful. You'll
be able to turn her down for sex because you have alternatives and
options - as well as knowing that she needs it more than you.
Posture. She'll respect you and admire you for keeping it, no matter
what. And you'll respect and admire yourself, too. Imagine what that
will feel like.
The mantra of this attitude is this: I am better off alone than with the
wrong woman!
Carlos Xuma
www.datingdynamics.com
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
This work is copyrighted by the author. No
unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2003,
Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved
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