Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
QUESTION:
Thanks for the extra Q&A 0 what a great supplement to the Dating black
Book! I have a question regarding the "I Love You"...
I've been dating this girl now for 3 month and we became really
attached. I think she has really fallen in love with me. The bad thing
is she will leave the country to work abroad soon without any prospect
of coming back. Having been in long distance relationships I can tell
this doesn't really work for me. Also my girl starts telling me more
frequently "I Love You" recently, which does not make things easier. I
know it has to end soon, so I never respond to this because I don't want
to hurt her later. What should I say? Do you have an idea how to handle
this situation appropriately since I really care for her and do not want
to be too brash.
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(NOTE: for those of you who aren't aware, The Dating Black Book program
now includes an additional e-book on Q&A examples of real situations.)
This situation is always tough, because a good guy will feel a bit
guilty about the difference in interest. I'm not sure how old your gal
is, but she may be hoping for some romantic odyssey of love where you
propose and go overseas with her. You have no idea what fantasies she
might be entertaining rather than the ugly possibility of ending it with
you. (And you already know the scoop on long-distance romances from The
Dating Black Book and your own experience.)
My advice would have to be that you sit down and tell her exactly how it
has to be as soon as possible. It can be difficult because you don't
want to crush her, but she will eventually understand the situation.
Don't put this off any longer in the hopes of keeping the sex flowing.
The longer you wait, the harder it becomes on her - and you. Truthfully,
somewhere inside, she's probably expecting it from your behavior.
Ultimately, you'll cause more pain by waiting and being uncertain than
if you end it cleanly now. This will also help you in the future when it
comes time to be decisive and end something with another woman.
Remember, you have to be the MAN. Be decisive and firm, but gentle. She
does not have the power to do this right now, so you will have to.
Ultimately it will always be better for you in the long run to be the
one to end it.
You reinforce something critical to your long-term success with women,
and it links right to the core of your confidence. The bottom line is
that only a man who is truly confident about his skill with women is
able to break up with a woman, because he knows there are more fish in
the sea. Do you fear loss, or are you enticed by gain?
As much as we hate hurting another person's feelings, it's always better
to show the strength and honor to do the right thing. She's a big girl
and can take care of herself. (Remember, as I coach you in the book, be
mindful of her feelings in how you phrase your reasons - don't make it
her fault - and follow the break-up steps I suggest.)
And, as a side-lesson in the power of differing interest levels, I'm
sure you're seeing how your pulling away has made her start to work
harder to get assurance of your feelings. Interesting, huh?
As soon as she felt the distance and gap between you start to open up
(no returns on her "I love you"s, etc.) she started to pull you in more.
This is what all guys should keep in mind when they manage to hook a
woman who has some interest in them. Stepping back when you've
established some interest gives her the space and freedom to pull you
back in.
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QUESTION:
hi i was out the other weekend to a new bar that a friend of mine dj's
at thought something different. i meet this girl i know from work and we
were really hitting it off. about mid night or so a girl that had broke
up with me comes in with a bounch of her friends. she acts all jealous
of this other girl. keeps asking me who is this, what are you doing and
so on. so i brush her off a little and don't really say much.
then at the end of the night she
wants to know what i'm doing if i'm going somewhere else. i didn't
really give her an answer. then she tells her ride to go, and asks me if
i could give her a ride to go somewhere else , and i didn't have any
entensions of leaving because i has hitting it off really well with this
other girl. so being the nice guy i am i gave her a ride. do you think i
have any chance with the other girl even though i let her hanging, and
left with my ex instead.
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It seems you're playing the sucker for your ex girlfriend again, my good
man. You're letting your familiarity (and probably some hope of getting
back together with the ex) cloud your judgment.
Let me just point out the single most important thing you said in your
email: "so being the nice guy I am I gave her a ride."
And look where you wound up... She took YOU for a ride instead. That's
what being a "nice guy" does for you. (But we both know it wasn't just
nice-ness, now was it?)
Ask yourself some critical questions here:
1) Why didn't you tell your girlfriend to buzz off?
2) Why didn't you see what was going on and put a halt to her
manipulations?
You know why your girlfriend did the things she did. She didn't have to
have YOU give her a ride, now did she? Why do you think she told her
ride to go?
She pulled your strings just right, and you were her puppet again. She
just wanted to stop you from getting with this new girl by blocking
you with her manipulative tactics. And guess what?
She won.
You lost.
No sex that night, huh? Not even from the ex, I'll bet.
It's great being the Nice Guy, huh?
Quite frankly, after being suckered into that pathetic display of
ex-girlfriend "Yes, dear" behavior, I don't think you stand much of a
chance with either of them. But if you want to turn it around, you
should simply go ask the new girl out and pretend that nothing happened.
As long as you weren't rude in your departure with your ex, she might
have interpreted the situation as just another woman in your life that
wants you. (Which would normally be good.)
And if you have to explain, just tell her you needed to help out your ex
in a time of need. Don't answer apologetically whatever you do. Own up
to the choice you made.
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