Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
QUESTION:
The DBB kicks ass my friend and will certainly help recovering nice guys
everywhere !!
A general question about the initial dating dynamic (on a rather
philosophical level) and not a specific dating question quite yet :
What percentage of women, in your experience, after having their
attraction mechanisms initially going wild because of the Alpha-Male
characteristics that you've taught us to reclaim for ourselves (and for
women), still need the special assurance of "It's really me, that he´s
after, and he's not bedding every hottie that crosses his path" ?
Are the Alpha-Male behaviors enough most of the time to override her
need (perhaps perceived on my part) to feel that special feeling of
being pursued ??
I ask that question, because one always hears here in Germany the
saying, "Women want to be conquered". I always considered that to be
some silly German cliché, but is there any truth in it ??
Do some or all women along the dating continuum need to feel that yes,
it is truly her that we are pursuing before they can open themselves to
a sexual encounter ?? Damn, I hope that wasn't a "nice guy" question,
because re-reading it, it certainly sounds like one...... :-)
Keep up the good work jedi-master
----------------
Ah, yes... I remember when I used to spar with Yoda in light saber
duels...
Did you know Yoda used to be a total stud?
(And I'll forgive your "Nice Guy" tone... Heck, I think we're all "Nice"
at heart, but need to learn the right way to show it to women. More on
this in a bit...) For you guys that still don't have my e-book, you can
get it here:
www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm
As for your German saying, yes, I believe that women DO want to be
conquered. That is how she knows she's dealing with a real MAN. An ALPHA
Man.
The one thing that women do not want to do is YOUR JOB.
Your job?
To seduce HER. A woman will not do your work for you. YOU are the
conqueror.
First off, let's set one thing straight:
It's not your job to give reassurance.
That's a tempting trap when you get to a certain point in the seduction
process with a woman, to think that her doubts need reassurance. They
don't. Nor is it her job to reassure you. That sets up an insecurity
dynamic that can really get things off on the wrong foot.
When you switch gears into reassuring her instead of INCREASING her
ATTRACTION, you drop the ball.
The best analogy I have for this is baseball: It's like being at bat,
and then trying to get into the pitcher's head. You have to focus on one
thing and one thing ONLY - hitting the ball. Let her do her job, you do
yours. You are only there to respond to the pitch as it's thrown and
swing accordingly, not try to change the pitcher's thinking.
Make sense?
The
switch in thinking here that leads to an error is when
you stop focusing from your position of power, and start
the people-pleasing that turns women off.
It is a form of approval seeking to reassure a woman
that you're "not a player."
However, you do have a legitimate concern that this may
come up as a concern of hers. It might. If you let her
go too long without the playful interaction that drives
up her sexual tension, she's going to have a rest period
where she will start to second-guess herself. She'll
want some doubts calmed.
But you should NOT address this directly with words.
Only with actions.
Here's a rule to live by in dating and seduction: Women
will give you what you want when you give them enough of
what THEY want.
You're absolutely right: Women DO need to feel UNIQUE.
They must feel that you are addressing their personal
uniqueness before they will go further with you. If they
sense that you are treating them as an object - or just
plain COMMON - they will back off and disappear.
How do you make them feel unique?
1) Focus your attention on THEM. Not on the waitress'
38DD rack. Not on the booty of that cutie. Not on
anything but HER. (Also, don't turn your Manson-lamps on
and give her a freaky psycho stare.) Make it clear that
SHE is important enough to warrant your focus of
attention.
2) Use her name. The most important word in the world to
anyone is their own name. USE IT. It's commanding and
personal, and it works wonders with women.
3) Express an interest in things that are particular to
HER. Her family, her background, her interests. Just
don't go crazy with your questioning. Lean back and find
one topic she seems to be especially excited about, and
then pounce on that one.
(I'm going to recommend a book here that most people
have heard of but few
appreciate: Dale Carnegie's - HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND
INFLUENCE PEOPLE. It's old, but it's a must-read.)
Let me state the cardinal rule: To gain trust - BE
TRUSTABLE. It starts with your integrity. Don't expect
women to fall into bed with you if you're being devious.
Start with your own character.
Just don't think that TELLING her will cure the problem.
And don't assume it's there when it might not. (That's
just a bit of natural insecurity. We don't want to give
off that "player" vibe.")
Women want you to make them feel special, and if you do
that right - with sincerity, she'll never question
whether or not you are trying to play her. Start with a
sincere interest in other people, and you will have no
problem making her feel like opening up to you.
Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting
more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out
inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence.
And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other
guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this
sissie-fied cartoon man that the media sells you.
My
ebook gives you the information and skills to get
the women YOU want. Not SETTLE FOR.
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