Carlos Xuma of
Dating Dynamics author of 'The
Dating Black Book'
Hi,
I would like to say that your advice is great. I have recently purchased your
Supreme Self Confidence e-zine and am currently working on implementing the
concepts. I do approach more women now and it feels great.
How do you feel about work place romances? I am a service tech and have the
privilege to visit many grocery stores, with lots of single young girl
cashiers as well as customers. I am finding it difficult one to gather the
courage to approach, thus the e-zine and even when i do the employees want to
label me a horn dog. Not to mention the unseen females that may be interested
that don't show interest because the other females tell them I approach
customers and the young attractive cashiers.
I feel that I am fortunate, as I have 10 stores that I visit but not able to
spin this situation to work in my benefit. The attractive women do like me but
I am afraid that they consider me a friend, or a good surprise to the boring
day. When I arrive all eyes are on me, sometimes I find myself surrounded by 6
women. Some of the hating cashier say things like, "I know why you to come
here." I usually say something like, "Yes it's you beautiful women that keep
me coming back!" I am not afraid to flirt and use
sexual overtones. When my company dispatches me for nonsense they always
say, "We feel bad about calling you out here for nothing but at least we got
to see you today." or "X girl was missing you so we called you in to see her."
None of them i can seem to get back to my place. These responses are the same
at all the stores, regardless to any female manager or cashier.
Just my silly luck or lack of knowledge, the older unattractive ladies are
always approaching and trying to make dates with me. Of course I am not
interested. Any ideas on how to let someone down softly without seeming like a
bastard?
Any suggestions on how exactly to spin the fantastic opportunity would be
greatly appreciated. Yes, I plan to purchase your e book within the next
couple of weeks.
--------------------
REPLY:
Ah, yes, the old workplace. Dipping your pen in the company ink. Fishing off
the company pier. However you want to look at it. You've got some great
opportunities here. I had a similar situation when I lived in the Midwest. I
used to travel from bank to bank, doing installations of computer systems.
That led to quite a few ... uhm ... female bonding situations. Ahem.
It sounds to me like you're doing a lot right, but you're not quite sure how
to take what you've been getting as far as attention and turning it into real
results. Let's work this by the numbers:
You're doing some great things: Letting all the women flirt with you, letting
them see you interacting with other women, etc. However, what may be occurring
is that you are giving off the vibe of an eligible guy, but they are smelling
too much "Player" on you. TOO MUCH flirt and not enough taking it to the next
step.
Time to turn up the heat a few notches. Some
of the factors that are most important in converting a girl you've met
into a possible dating prospect is that you need to be working along the
Dating Continuum at every step of the way. (Yes, that's in my e-book.)
You start with a look, but you don't stop there. You move on to the
approach and the phone number. But you don't stop there, you move on to
the first meeting. But you don't stop there ....
You get the point. It's a constant, persistent motion forwards,
alternating with a few steps back along the way so you don't run over
her.
Here's a quick plan for you:
1) Be more discreet. Don't advertise your advances so much. Women need
to feel like they're special - unique - or they won't respond to you.
That's why you've been getting that treatment. They think you're after
ALL of them, not just ONE of them. Choose a few select prospects and
focus on them. Find that courage to get their phone number and take it
to the next step in the process. Don't try to juggle twenty from each
store at the same safe level of interest. Choose ONE from each store and
start there. You'll reduce the overlap.
2) Turn up that heat. Start being more aggressive with your
tease-to-please approach. You've got a bunch of friend wannabes because
you aren't pursuing the next steps. They're not going to do this work
for you.
3) Stop playing it safe. Don't be afraid of messing one up. Women are
like candles; you need to light the wick and let her burn. When she's
done burning, or if she won't light, you toss her aside and holler
"NEXT!" Go through each potential female as if she were the only one.
You have to be willing to break a few eggs to make an omelet.
The best way to let those other ladies you're not interested in off the
hook is to give them a little generous flattery that let's them know
you're not going there with them right now, but gives them a self-esteem
boost in the process. You also need to be careful not to slam the door
on them, because attention - even from the older gals - is always
desirable. Don't worry about stringing them along. They'll figure it out
on their own.
Tell Abigail, or whatever the name of the blue-haired woman in produce
is,
this: "Wow, I'm really flattered by your offer. I'm just a little
intimidated by attractive women, and a little shy. I'm not looking for a
serious romance right now, though. I just didn't want you to think it's
personal. I can't believe you're not already taken."
Something else I recommend: There's nothing wrong with an occasional
seduction of a woman you're not entirely interested in to boost your ego
and self-confidence. Remember what I said on page 4 (the bold section)
of the e-zine. Read that section again. I think it's very applicable to
you here.
And damn straight you need to get the e-book, right away...! I address
how to pull the women in your life along the continuum and get her
attraction mechanism fully engaged for you.
Good luck!
-C
Carlos Xuma
www.datingdynamics.com
Do you know about the RULES for men? Do you
want to know how to counter her tests and games?
Do you know where to touch women to give them the chills and turn them
on to you? Do you know when to touch them? Do you know how to interpret
a woman's questions and interests, and turn them in your favor?
Do you want to stop shooting in the dark with your dating and finally
get some understanding of women? Some real tangible results?
It's tempting to wing it. It really is. Some guys think that they'll
"Figure women out" when they get to a certain point, except that point
never comes. Different women seem to want different things. (Or maybe
they're the same things?) It's too damn confusing.
It doesn't have to be anymore.
THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from
preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete
strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior
and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
This work is copyrighted by the author. No
unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2003-2008,
Dating Dynamics Publications. All Rights Reserved
Dating Tips For Men
Get a Great Girl »
Today's Question
Popular Dating Ebooks
