David Wygant (free Mastery Series newsletter)
Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write the perfect profile for her personal ad on Yahoo! Personals. So before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids, and the first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.
So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best pictures . . . pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the mistakes women make online. Here are the 16 biggest online dating disasters women make:
1. Stop posting four different pictures from four different stages in your life.
Women will put up pictures from ten years ago along with pictures that are current. This leaves a man wonder “Who is this person?” I've personally looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All pictures that you put on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks. If you're heavier than you were ten years ago, there's nothing you can do to change that but diet. So don't put on your profile a picture of you from ten years ago so that he will think that is what you look like. Be okay with where you are in your life.
2. Put a picture of you standing up, so he can see what you look like from head to toe.
Men are visual. If you put a picture up just of your face and you're heavier down below, then you probably won't get a second date after you meet if you've not stated that in your profile and/or you've described yourself as “fit and trim.” Men are attracted to all different body types. Some men like 'em skinny, some like 'em curvy, some like 'em chunky, some like 'em voluptuous. You are not every man's type and you never will be . . . so just be okay with it.
3. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile.
We've all had negative experiences online. You don't need to list them right away, which will make you come off sounding like a nasty bitter woman. It's better in your profile to emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.
4. List your exact body type.
It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is “athletic and toned, “petite,” or “fit and trim.” He will find out what you look like!! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time. Once again, men are very visual. We would rather know what you look like so there's no surprises. That’s part of understanding that men are attracted to all different body types.
5. List your real age.
In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29 and 39 year-old women. “29” usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is “39” is usually somewhere in her 40's. I’ve seen many women list their age as 39, and then see their picture and realize they're closer to 49. Why start a potential relationship on a lie. Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way. So, I’m not taking the side of a man. I'm just saying it's best to list your own age.
6. Stop putting up pictures of yourself that have ex-boyfriends in them.
Also, don't put up pictures of yourself that are cut in half because you've cut out the head of a guy. Get a friend to take new pictures of you and those up . . . don't put up the ones with you and ex-boyfriends in them.
7. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post ten pictures of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them.
This is a dating site . . . not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, water skiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture. Most men are looking at the pictures to decide whether or not we want to contact you. You have to learn how to market yourself to a man. Start with the pictures, body type and the age being correct . . . then we'll get on to reading your profile.
8. Keep your profile short and to the point.
Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at ESPN.com, and read an article in the sports section. All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts. If you want him to read your profile, you need to write it so a man will read it.
9. Don't be so self-absorbed.
I’ve seen so many women's profiles that talk about “I want a man to be this,” “I want a man to do that,” “I want a man to cherish me” “I want a man to adore me,” and whatever other “I want . . . “ applies to you. You list all your “I wants” without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker . . . he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.
10. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad.
I've seen too many women write In their profile “I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips . . .” You come across as a gold digger. Now, maybe you are a gold digger . . . and maybe this is what you want and desire. But even a man who's wealthy is not going to get turned on by this. So tone it down a little bit. Maybe say “I like the finer things in life to share with somebody” so you don't come across so harsh.
11. Baby Talk!
Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids and how badly you want to have a family. He may feel the same way, but by writing this all he is going to think about is “This woman will marry anybody to have kids.” So once again write something a little more toned down like “Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family.” This shows you're selective, and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.
12. Stop listing all your rules.
Don't write things like “A perfect first date MUST be dinner” or “The man I date HAS to wear suits.” Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date. Also, what about the kind of guy who wears jeans to work? I'm not making this stuff up. This is what I've seen Online.
13. Stop sending winks.
When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when “Happy Days” went off the air. You don't like when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing!! So stop winking and start typing.
14. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back or say anything else that is not that nice.
If a man doesn't write you back, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don’t get angry . . . just find another person.
15. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day.
Say “hello!” We're not going to bite. Lob that email in. Take a chance and send an email to the girl to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!
16. If a guy that you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away.
Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Don't play games and keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!!
If you need any more online dating tips, email me. I have another twenty in my blog waiting for you to devour . . .
Talk to you soon and looking forward to hearing about all of your success with online dating!!
David Wygant ... More about David here
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David Wygant and Attract and Approach are trademarks. By reading and accepting this article, you acknowledge that it is to be used for solely for entertainment purposes and is not considered to be "professional advice."