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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
"Allow me to be your mentor, and provide you with three simple but
powerful principles that will transform your love life."
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Dear Doc,
Lately I have been having trouble with a girl I really care about. At
first we were just friends and I was fine with it. As time passed
though, I grew attached to her and started really feeling for her. When
I finally got up the courage to tell her this, her only reply was that
she cared for me but “not in that way." I was hurt. I told her that I
was still her friend but never really talked to her much after that,
went off to college but could not completely let go.
Well, while off at UCLA I discovered your articles on
askmen.com rather
by accident and started learning about how to treat women and how you
have to be a Challenge and seem less interested in her than she is in
you.
When I moved back home we started talking again but I tried out my newly
learned Challenge techniques on her. I did a lot of acting kind of
aloof, slightly ignoring her and only calling her once a week instead of
everyday like I used to.
As time passed by she started being genuinely nicer to me; she started
calling me more. Then one day when we were swimming together and things
seemed to change. She was more flirtatious than usual and we eventually
walked to a demolished small house where we found a tree to have a
cigarette in.
The branches were just high enough that she had to give me a boost up
(she placed her hands directly on my rear to do this too). Then I lifted
her up. The rest of that day we talked and her attitude changed, the
body language she gave was positive and for brevity’s sake I’ll just say
it went well.
She called me the next day, but I didn’t answer the phone in an attempt
to be a Challenge and called her a couple days later. After that she was
even nicer to me, always asking how I was, wondering if I was OK. Then I
went to Newport Beach on vacation for a week and when I came back I ran
into her with friends, and she said she had missed me so much and gave
me a big wet kiss in front of everyone.
The next day I went to her work to visit her and plan something for the
following day because she was off. But that day she seemed distant and
it felt odd, so I left quickly and waited till yesterday when she called
me and we got together.
Let’s say it didn’t seem to go well. We didn’t talk much. She avoided my
occasional flirtation and avoided eye contact when we ate. When we got
to her house she got out of the car quickly and barely said bye.
What’s going on with her? Was I too cold? Did I suddenly move too fast
and scare her? Did I just read into everything too much and set myself
up again for complete heartache? I don’t plan on talking to her for a
week or so. What do I do now? How should I make my move, or did I screw
things up too badly?
Thanks for all help in advance
Geoff - who is confused
Dear Geoff,
Great goin’! Once you learned about the power of Challenge you
immediately changed your sappy ways. That’s not an easy thing for a lot
of guys to do but you did it.
In answer to your questions, I don’t think that you were “too cold.” It
sounds as if you did a good job of being just cool enough. It also
appears that you didn’t move too fast. You let her come at you and
that’s right on.
Now, if you had been able to apply the principles of “The System” to
this situation when you and this girl had first met, we would now have
an easier time deciphering what her true motivations are. But since you
started being a Challenge only after she had initially rejected you, the
situation is a bit more confusing than it might otherwise be.
But acting like detectives on “Law and Order”, we will examine the four
possible explanations for her confusing behavior:
One, you used Challenge very effectively and turned her around. But when
she showed real romantic interest in you, you got too excited and went
back to your old non-Challenging ways. Once you did that you brought her
Interest Level back down South where it started, and there will be no
third chance for you. Accuracy probability rating for this explanation:
8%.
Two, you’ve been a Challenge all along (since your awakening) and now
she’s just testing you to see if you lose it and go back to your old
ways and start coming on heavy again. (But if that’s the case, you’ve
got a gal who’s so insecure that she has to keep having her partner jump
through hoops, which disqualifies her as a potential girlfriend.)
Accuracy probability rating for this explanation: 5%.
Three, after she rejected you in the beginning her Interest Level stayed
in the basement and never moved up at all. But when you became a
Challenge, you ruffled her ego. She didn’t like that you had stopped
groveling and didn’t enjoy losing control over you. So she flirted with
you and seduced you into thinking that she had grown romantic feelings
for you.
Then when she knew that she had you back under her spell, she acted
disinterested again so she could have the pleasure of confusing you and
hurting you. Thus she was able to put you back in your place and
demonstrate to you that you shouldn’t try to beat her at her own game.
Although I may sound quite cynical here, the truth is that some women do
this sort of thing and get away with it! Still, I really don’t think
that your girl fits this description. She seems to be more of an
innocent type. But as a love detective I have to look at all the
possibilities. So, accuracy probability rating for this explanation: 2%.
And four, she never really had any romantic feelings for you, but when
you came back from college, you got her at a time when she was bored and
lonely. She had nothing else going on, so she flirted with you and made
out with you, but she kept her heart to herself. Remember, a woman with
low Interest level (in the 40-49% range) can still do all kinds of
things that will make you think that her Interest Level is high.
Now she’s got something else going on with someone she has real interest
in, but she’s reluctant to tell you to your face. This explanation is
the one that I would bet on. Accuracy probability rating: 85%.
But Geoff, regardless of the reason why this girl is now acting, as she
is, The Reality Factor says that she’s skittish and inconsistent. And
consistency is a crucial quality for any potential girlfriend to have.
So on a higher level of awareness; we don’t look for an explanation for
her behavior. We simply look at reality and note that at this point,
this girl has become a hassle. She’s not available to be in relationship
(at least not with you Geoff). Plus, she’s making you work too hard.
Remember, when women like you, they help you, and she’s giving you about
as much help as an IRS administrator.
You could ask her WHY she was warm and fuzzy one day and then cold and
distant the next. And when you asked, you would get an answer which
might range from something like “What do you mean? I wasn’t cold and
distant.” to “I don’t know, I’m just not sure,” to “Well, I’m depressed
about environmental pollution,” or some other form of Womanese.
The answer she gave might or might not have something to do with the
truth (she might not even know herself well enough to give an accurate
answer). But whatever her answer, you’d still be dealing with a girl who
you can’t count on.
So at this point, Geoff, I’d say it’s time to move on to greener
pastures because this gal is going to continue to be more of a pain in
the butt than six hours on a circus bench. Just look at this whole
episode as a learning adventure so you don’t waste so much time next
time around.
Remember, guys, every girl is practice for the next.
© Copyright 2001-2008 DocLove DotCom, Inc
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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