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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
There's a world of difference between attraction, love and something
that seems right that is really so wrong.
Doc Love's Books:
Hey Doc,
I read your weekly columns religiously, and I know from experience that
everything you say is DEAD ON. There is one thing, however, that has
thrown me for a loop, and it seems to be an exception to the laws of
attraction.
A friend of mine I’ll call Bill has been dating Cheryl for about five
years now. Doc, believe me when I say that Bill does practically
EVERYTHING against what you teach. He calls Cheryl every day, he buys
her lame gifts all the time, and he gets instantly insecure and jealous
anytime he sees her talking to another guy.
Also, in terms of being exciting, unpredictable and a Challenge, this
guy has pretty much given up: Bill and Cheryl have a monthly anniversary
of sorts where they always go to the same restaurant after a movie and
have the perfunctory exchange of gifts.
Doc, it may sound like I hate Bill, and truth be told, I do resent him a
little because this girl is still totally into him. She buys him gifts
too, she’s always cooking for him, and despite their occasional breakup,
she always ends up back with him. The most amazing thing is that Cheryl
is actually quite attractive. Heck, I wouldn’t mind taking her out
myself. She’s certainly better-looking than the women I’ve been going
out with.
What do you make of all this, Doc? It couldn’t be that she’s just
putting on a show or an act, right? She couldn’t fake it all this time
if she were, the way I see it.
Thanks in advance for your insights, Doc, and thanks for all the amazing
insights you’ve given all us guys for so long.
Shlomo - who can’t figure it out
Hi Shlomo,
So... you’re thrown for a loop by this so-called “exception to the laws
of attraction.” The reason you say this is because of the education
you’ve had up until now (and I’m not talking about whether or not you
went to Princeton!). But not to worry. You’ve come to me and I’m going
to straighten you out. When I’m through, you’ll understand your
situation thoroughly. Guaranteed you’ll have a different perspective on
it.
Okay, your friend Bill has been dating Cheryl for five years. Hold on a
minute here -- why aren’t they married? As the old Chinese proverb goes,
“After two years of dating, one of them should be bringing up marriage
already.” (Hopefully, it’s the woman!) So from the get-go something’s
not right here.
With all of the things your buddy Bill is doing wrong, you have to ask
yourself a question: what type of woman would want to be in that kind of
relationship? And the answer is, a woman who’s into CONTROL. Cheryl
looks at love as a control issue. Not control of herself of course (as
in Self-Control), but control of the relationship. And if she has to be
in strict control, she has to look for a robot to have this relationship
with – something she can control 100%. And that will be enough for her.
For certain types of women, maintaining control is everything.
Now here’s where I disagree with you: I think it’s good that Bill and
Cheryl do things regularly, in their case on a monthly basis. But they
should be doing different things – going to new restaurants, theaters,
amusements, and so forth, so it doesn’t get stale. Like my cousin
General Love says, “The best way to kill your relationship is by beating
the same things to death.”
On the other hand, I don’t think gifts should be given on a predictable
basis. Gifts are meant for when your heart is in the right place. Gifts
shouldn’t be doled out on an artificial timetable, even though it
violates all of the customs of the American holiday system.
What’s really interesting here is that you resent Bill after all of his
screw-ups. It means that down deep you’d like to have his woman. Like
the great Doctor Freud once said, “Guy, you got a big problem!” If you
had no feelings for this woman, you wouldn’t care what an idiot this
poor guy is. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Heck, bro,
you’d feel sorry for him!”
But you shouldn’t be too jealous, Shlomo. Bill and Cheryl’s love affair
doesn’t sound like the proverbial bed of roses. And the evidence is
their “occasional breakup” and its twin sister “she always ends up back
with him.” Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Gee, I wonder how much
the robot begs whenever she tells him she never wants to see him again!”
Of course you wouldn’t mind taking Cheryl out yourself. What did I just
get through telling you? As you know, this isn’t a religious column,
Shlomo, but maybe it’s about time you think about the Ten Commandments.
“Thou shalt not commit adultery” is one of them. Another is “Thou shalt
not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Didn’t
you go to Hebrew school, my son?”
So this isn’t right, dude. When it comes to Cheryl, you have to come to
grips with the fact that you harbor ulterior motives. You’re not really
interested in “The System” -- you’re interested in how to be a bird dog
and rip this friend of yours off.
Cheryl’s hotter than
the girls you’ve been going out with? “Like my friend Sal “The Fish”
Love says, “Whoa, you really do dig this chick’s looks!”
Here’s what I make of this, Shlomo: this woman is off-limits.
Cheryl is a Giver. She does things for Bill. But before you start
feeling bad about that, remember the other parts. One-third of the
whole equation is FLEXIBILITY. And this girl’s not flexible. She’s
what you’d call 100% structured. She tells Bill when to inhale. She
tells Bill when to exhale. Now if you want to live like that, with
the woman giving only her token Interest Level, that’s fine. Me, I
don’t want to live like that. I can’t live like that. But some guys
can, and that’s okay if they’re able to deal with it. But I call it
“the arrangement.” It’s not really based on mutual love.
Remember, guys: just
because she’s a Giver doesn’t mean she’s not a control freak.
© Copyright 2006-2007 DocLove DotCom, Inc
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN
Success Coach - Doc Love
Guys, e-mail me at
doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at:
www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Doc Love every
week with new articles to challenge your relationship preconceptions and
first aid with your troubles.
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