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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
"Do you know what the opposite of trust is? It’s treason. There’s
no working this out with her. It’s already all been worked out, and
she’s out!"
Doc Love's Books:
Hey Doc,
I met this girl, Susan, in my art class at UCSB. We hit it off and
traded phone numbers. Two days later she called me and asked me if I
wanted to join her and her friends that night for beer and pizza. Even
though it was short notice, I said yes and went that night.
When I got to the restaurant she enthusiastically hugged me and
introduced me to all her friends, there were six of them – three guys
and three girls. We all got along and had a fun time. We finally all
walked out together and Susan hugged me again and kissed me on the
cheek. I didn’t even make a move on her at all. She came at me first.
A few days passed and then today she called and left a message asking me
if I want to join her and her friends again, this time for a volleyball
game at the beach this coming weekend. I’m actually a great volleyball
player and I know it would be fun and that it probably would be a good
opportunity to impress Susan with my athletic skills.
So, Doc, I’m thinking that this girl must have high interest in me
because she’s doing all the calling and she’s asked me out twice now.
But I also have doubts that maybe since she wants me to hang out with
her and her friends again, that that means that she only wants to be
friends with me. Would it be better to ask her out for a one-on-one at
this point to test her Interest Level or would it be rude not to accept
her invitation? What do you think?
Lindsey – who’s just not sure
Lindsey,
All right, here’s the lowdown. There were two mistakes that you made
when you accepted that first date with your Suzie Q. Number one; you
accepted a date on short notice. I know that it’s compelling and also
flattering when a woman who you like, calls you and asks you out. The
average guy only needs one finger (or fewer) to count all the times in
his entire life that a woman has ever taken the initiative to ask him
out. So when it does happen it’s kind of a shock and there’s a tendency
to throw Challenge out the window. But one of the bedrock principles of
“The System” is self- control.
You should have told this gal, Lindsey, that you already had a prior
commitment that night, even though you didn’t. Why? Because when you
accept a date on short notice, it diminishes your mystery quotient in
her eyes. It makes you appear too available and too eager and so her
romantic Interest Level in you is impacted negatively. To you Psych
majors, you gotta learn to play hard to get.
Guys, when a woman who you’ve just met calls and asks you out on short
notice, she isn’t even aware of the fact that she’d actually like you
more if you didn’t accept the date. She’s unconscious of the fact that
in reality she’s setting up a little test for you to see how much of a
Challenge you are. Granted, usually, when a woman calls a guy after
having just met him she has to have pretty darn high Interest Level in
him to begin with.
So, the argument could be made; So what if her Interest Level lowers by
a point or too when it’s probably very high to begin with? Well,
probably is the operative word here. In the beginning all dates are too
new to rate. We don’t know where we stand until we cross that ‘60 Days’
goal line. So it’s always best to too keep the odds in your favor as
much as possible.
You see, Lindsey, girls turn guys down all day long, day in and day out
but a guy turning a girl down? How often does that happen? (About as
often as Osama Bin Laden takes a bath.) But when it does happen, it has
a powerful impact. If she has high Interest Level in the guy to begin
with, it’s always higher after he (temporarily) rejects her.
The second mistake that you made, Lindsey, is that you went out on your
first date with this girl with HER posse. Doing that dis-empowers you in
more ways than one. She knows everyone and you don’t know anyone. It’s
unfamiliar territory with too many unknowns. You’re at a disadvantage.
Plus you don’t know who in the group might have an agenda that’s in
opposition to you making a love connection with your date. And … you
don’t even know if it’s really a date or not. It’s all very confusing
and problematic.
You did one thing right, Lindsey, when you let her come at you with the
hug and the kiss on the cheek. But remember a kiss on the cheek is very
ambiguous. A kiss on the cheek can mean anything from “We’re gonna be
buddies and nothing more” to…”I’m hoping you’ll jump my bones and here’s
a hint.” After she kissed you on the cheek, Lindsey, you should have
pulled her back in to your arms and given her a real kiss right on her
lovely lips. If you had done that, then you wouldn’t be wondering right
now whether she wants to just be friends or not.
My recommendation to you now, Lindsey, is to take a pass on the group
volleyball happening. Politely thank her for the invitation and tell her
that you’re busy. That wouldn’t be rude of you to do. You’d only be
being rude if made the date with her and then broke it - like thousands
of women do to men every day.
Then wait a couple days and call her back and ask her out on a
one-on-one date. If she insists on only going out with you in a group
situation, then throw her phone number away (unless you’re hard up for
friends) But hopefully she’ll enthusiastically accept the more intimate
date with you and then you can move forward from there.
Remember, guys: never let her think that you’re too available.
© Copyright 2001-2008 DocLove DotCom, Inc
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN
Success Coach - Doc Love
Guys, e-mail me at
doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at:
www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Doc Love every
week with new articles to challenge your relationship preconceptions and
first aid with your troubles.
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