This article: "If she doesn't want you around maybe she understands that you deserve someone better."
Doc Love's Books:
- AskMen.com Presents The Guy's Guide to Romance: The 11 Rules for Finding a Woman & Making Her Happy (Paperback)
- The System: The Dating Dictionary (Paperback)
For starters I think that your advice is nothing short of pure genius. It’s always a pleasure to read anything you’ve written.
I’ve been dating Kimberly for about 20 months now, we’ve been relatively happy with each other, and we seem to have a lot of good chemistry. But there are some pervasive problems in our relationship. Kimberly has a jealous streak that is unbearable – there was an incident recently that resulted in her almost slitting my throat over a close female friend getting “too close” to me. Afterwards she chalked it up to her “woman’s intuition,” which is her excuse to get nasty with me.
Other problem areas include her family. They fight with each other venomously all the time and her mom goes as far as to use me as a weapon against Kimberly. Now, her brother, whom I haven’t met yet, is living at home with them again and I am worried that he is going to become another person that I get to fight with for Kimberly’s attention. Worst of all, every time a fight starts between us over something trivial, it follows a fight with her family (even if a few days have gone by).
Kimberly is always telling me that she’s a burden to me, that I deserve better, and that there are better girls out there for me. Being a Psych major I know that she is looking for me to come out and say that I want to be with her and no one else, but it seems that this is never good enough to keep her happy. Not too long ago she told me that if I found someone I like better, it would be okay to leave her. But recently as a joke I mentioned breaking up and she was really freaked out by that.
I have been spending a lot of time brooding over the things that
frustrate me in this relationship, so I have become kind of sour
towards Kimberly. Despite the fact that we have been pretty happy
together, I am wondering if I should stay with this girl who can be
sweet sometimes, bitter at others, and then pull a complete 180 and
tell me how I should leave her and that she is unworthy of me. I
just want to know if it’s time to jump ship, or should I try and
weather the storm. Any thoughts?
Bruton - who’s lost in Chicago
Thanks for the compliments on my work. I just hope that you’re memorizing what I write and then doing it.
There are always going to be problems in relationships; the question is, how deep they are and how often do they come up? Think about it: if she flips out every time you leave the toilet seat up, do you really want to live with that for the rest of your life?
I disagree that Kimberly’s jealous streak is unbearable. You’re still with her, aren’t you? If it were truly unbearable, you would have left by now.
Here’s what a normal woman would have said to herself when she saw another girl hitting on you: “Gee, look at that girl trying to rip me off. But guess what? Bruton is taking me home tonight in his car. And she won’t be there. This girl can try anything she wants, because I know that Bruton really digs me.”
But that’s not what Kimberly did. No, she was ready to behead you for glancing in this other babe’s direction. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You got a real wild thang there, pal. I just hope you’re man enough to handle her.”
The sad part of this situation is that the only thing Kimberly looked at was her “woman’s intuition,” because she’s twisting the meaning of those words. If she were really attuned to her female intuition, she would have said to herself, “Don’t be jealous, Kim – Bruton’s with me.”
Dude, if Kimberly’s home is a boxing ring, stay out of there. You don’t have to fight for her attention. All you have to do is call her up and make a date to have her meet you -- someplace else. Every time you go to the house you have a problem with psycho dad and psycho mom, so why hang around there? To you Psych majors, if the place is a rattlesnake pit, don’t jump into it. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “With all this battling, it sounds to me like you and Kimberly have a real healthy relationship, man.”
But Kimberly is giving you an out. Heck, even she knows she’s a burden to you, and she’s practically begging you to leave. She’s telling you she’s screwed up, and as this column says, WOMEN DON’T LIE and MEN DON’T LISTEN, THEY DON’T SEE and THEY DON’T PAY ATTENTION. What more do you need, pal? Are you going to wait around until things get really dangerous?
And she claims you deserve better. Wrong. You don’t deserve better, Bruton. You deserve pain. That’s why you’re still with Kimberly.
But you actually think your girl is so generous that she wants you to find someone new. Is that your intuition talking too? She’s not really telling you that you deserve to be with someone better, though. The girl’s looking for a Challenge, not someone who’s pressuring her. And you say you read my articles? Are you sure about that?
When I hear from a girl that if I find someone better I can leave her, it really makes me feel great! And of course something like that speaks volumes about her Interest Level in you. Do women with high Interest Level really want you in the arms of another woman? What you’re not seeing is that Kimberly’s not freaked out by the two of you breaking up – she wants you out.
You’re sour all right, Bruton, but not sour enough to drop Kimberly. Actually, you insist that you’ve been pretty happy together. Come again? What am I missing here? Going out with this girl is like tiptoeing through a minefield, her family is the psycho family from hell, and you’re on cloud nine? You must like skydiving without a backup chute, too. The best part of all this is that you’re a Psych major! Like the great Doctor Freud said, “I won’t be referring anyone to you for treatment.”
So don’t do anything drastic like break up with Kimberly, Bruton. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If you take enough drugs whenever you’re with this girl, you’ll be fine.” My friend, are you sure you majored in psychology? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Remind me not to send my children to your school!”
Remember, guys: never go out with someone who’s got
more problems than you do.
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN
Success Coach - Doc Love