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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
"It’s apparent that you don’t have the confidence, the cool or the
clarity to handle such a delicate situation. I don’t even want you to be
thinking about asking this particular girl out. You’re not ready yet."
Doc Love's Books:
Hey Doc,
I met this girl a few weeks back while interviewing people to fill a job
position that we had open where I work. (I’m an administrator at a small
business college. I do the interviewing but I don’t make the final
decisions on who gets hired.)
I have to tell you that this girl seemed so perfect for me. I could tell
she was taking interest in me by the way she was staring into my eyes,
but I was just way too scared to even ask her out. I guess the last time
I even asked a girl out was four or five months ago. I’ve just felt kind
of frozen. The way my schedule is, I don’t often meet any women in my
daily life.
This girl came back a second time for another interview with my boss,
but I was too nervous again, and I only barely said hello to her
although she gave me a warm smile. Is there any way I can recover from
this and give this another shot? I really think this girl is right for
me. I would really appreciate any advice.
Elliot – who needs to get his courage up
Hi Elliot,
Hold your horses and cool your jets, Sonny Boy. We don’t know if your
potential new co-worker was giving you that sparkly-eyed look because
she was attracted to you, or, because she was turning on the charm so
you’d give her the job (or both.) Although it’s more likely that she was
more interested in the job than in you. That’s the way the odds play out
in the land of reality.
But whatever the truth was, when you’re on the job you’re not there to
be hitting on the pretty girls who come in for interviews. You were
there, in this case, to find the best person for the position that was
open. So it’s good that you didn’t come on to this girl. You don’t want
to be jeopardizing your own job. But, at the same time it’s not good
that you were afraid to ask her out. You understand the distinction?
When and if you should get involved with someone at your work is always
a tough call. There are no hard and fast rules. There are guys who have
been sued and raked over the coals for even complimenting a female
co-worker. And, there are plenty of examples of men who met the love of
their life at the office.
In your case, Elliot, it’s apparent that you don’t have the confidence,
the cool or the clarity to handle such a delicate situation. I don’t
even want you to be thinking about asking this particular girl out.
You’re not ready yet.
“The System” tells us that one of the qualities that women value most in
a man is confidence. If you’re not confident with women, which you’re
obviously not, Elliot, then you must put yourself on a
confidence-building program. How is that done? Here’s the secret: (It’s
actually a lot easier than you might think.)
Determine the highest level of beauty that a woman can have and still
not engender one bit of nervousness or trepidation in you when you
contemplate approaching her and talking to her. So, for instance, if you
still get the heebie jeebies at the thought of approaching a 7, take it
down a couple notches to the 5’s who never make you uncomfortable at
all. Then, whenever you are out and about in public, say “hello” to and
strike up a conversation with every woman that you encounter who is, in
one way or another, a 5 or less in your eyes.
Talk to women of all ages. Talk to mothers with their kids. Talk to
grandmothers you encounter at the produce section in the market. Ask
them what the difference is between a sweet potato and a yam. Laugh and
joke with the plain Jane who works at the bank who just isn’t quite
pretty enough for you to be romantically interested in. But only talk to
women who you are 100% comfortable with.
You see, if you spend most of your life hardly ever approaching and
talking to any females at all, it’s pretty tough to suddenly ask a girl
out that you’ve just met, particularly a rather attractive one. But the
more you practice interacting with females on a daily basis, the easier
it gets to connect with the ones you like.
The low 7, who used to make you slightly nervous, now begins to feel
like just another one of the gals who you regularly chat with. Then,
once you achieve comfort and confidence with the low 7’s, step up to the
mid and high 7’s. The trick is to crank up the risk factor very, very
slowly, so slowly that your subconscious never perceives that there is
anything to fear.
If you follow my instructions, Elliot, you will slowly but surely gain
the comfort and confidence you need in order to be successful with
women. You will no longer have to be tormenting yourself about how you
failed to ‘close’ when you knew that you should have. And you won’t be
complaining that you don’t meet any women. There are women everywhere
you go, aren’t there? Smile and say hello. Start with the ones you have
no attraction to, that’s easy.
But, in order for this method to work, you have to be truly committed to
practicing every day. It won’t work if you merely do it in a half-assed
way. Read my instructions over several times and make the commitment to
do whatever it takes to have a real breakthrough for yourself.
Then, when the next potential soul mate crosses your path, it will be no
big deal to say to her, “Missy, I’d like to take you out. What’s your
home phone number?” Just avoid using work as your only resource for
meeting women. Get out there on the “street” and start relating to the
abundance of women who are everywhere else.
Remember, guys: don’t bite off more than you can chew. |
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Doc Love
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