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When She Wants To Be Friends First

Success Coach - Doc LoveDoc Love - Success Coach For Men

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

This article: "Some of you guys out there have been jerked around by users so much that you forget what genuine high Interest Level feels like."

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Dear Doc,

I’ve just had my third date with a really sweet and pretty girl, Rachel. We initially met on the Internet. We’re just getting to know each other but I already know that she’s had some hurtful experiences with men in the past.

She says that she’s very attracted to me but that she doesn’t want to jump into anything right away because whenever she’s done that in the past, things just didn’t work out.

She says that this time she wants to go slow and get to be good friends first and then build a relationship in the future from that foundation of friendship.

What she says makes good sense. And I don’t want her to think that I’m only interested in sex because I’m not. I really like her, and I want her to trust me.

So I’m going to give her what she wants and not try to get physical with her in any way. She already told me that she really appreciates how well I listen to her and how she feels like she can talk to me about anything. I just wanted your opinion.

How long do you think is a reasonable time to be in the friendship mode? And at what point do you think we should start shifting to more of the boyfriend/girlfriend mode?

Garth – who wants to know how to pace things

Hi Garth,
This love cop smells a rat.

Any time a woman, whom you’re dating, starts using the “F” word (friend), you’d better stop, look and listen. It means that her romantic Interest Level is low and is going anywhere but up.

Garth, your girl Rachel is obviously a Professional Dater and she’s got you bamboozled. She’s telling you that she’s attracted to you, but as with all Professional Daters, she’s saying that only to keep you coming back again and
again.

She knows that if she admits that she’s not attracted to you, then you’ll bail. But buddy, the only thing she’s serving you from her menu is a little bit of “hope” and that ain’t enough nutrition to keep a man alive and
well.

The truth is that she’s not physically attracted to you in any meaningful way, because if she were, she wouldn’t have brought up the “F” word. Instead, she’d be hugging you and kissing you and jumping your bones. Sorry Garth, I’m not going to pull any punches here. She’s either running a con job on you or... she’s brainwashed herself into believing that being “friends first” can actually work in the real world, which it never can.

She also mentioned that she’s ‘been hurt before.’ Well, who in the hell hasn’t been hurt? Ready? Here comes another big dose of reality: She’s a woman. And since women do the dumping most of the time, she’s been hurt considerably less in her life than the average guy has. Ask yourself this Garth: Is it hurtful to the man, for a woman to string him along with an ambiguous promise of intimacy and romance that will ostensibly happen at some unknown date in the future?

What about your feelings Garth? How are you going to feel as the weeks go by and you start falling in love with her, and she doesn’t want to even kiss and cuddle with you because ‘friends don’t do that sort of thing’? Brother, all I can say, is get ready to experience some serious frustration and resentment if you continue down this ‘palsy walsy’ path.

Yep. You’re going along with her agenda, assuming that her agenda is right for both of you. Well what’s young Garth’s agenda amidst all this smoke and mirrors?

If you could have it your way Garth, how would you have it? You see I smell a small rodent here. The real question is: when, as a man, do YOU honor your own needs in this “relationship?”

If you do decide to go along with plan “A” (her agenda), just know that you are at high risk for winding up being dumped on with a cute little announcement that goes something like: “ Garth, Sweetie, guess what. I’ve finally met the man of my dreams and I owe it all to you! If you hadn’t been such a great friend giving me all that wonderful support and caring and understanding, I wouldn’t have been able to get over my resentment toward men and I wouldn’t have been ready to meet “Felix.” He just seemed to come along at the right time and he swept me off my feet. God bless you Garth. I want you to sit with us at the head table at our wedding reception in June!”

Are you ready to puke yet?

Statistically speaking, one in a hundred of what we call male/female friendships turn into romance. It’s as rare as a natural “B” cup in a Beverly Hills health spa. And I hesitate to even mention the one real percent that do make the transition because you’ll rationalize the information and wind up telling yourself that this one is the one in a hundred. It ain’t 'Gartho' and you can take that to the bank.

Would a woman with high Interest Level and a flexible attitude tell you that the only way you have a chance of becoming her boyfriend is to have a platonic relationship with her for an indefinite period of time? Sure! And Brittany Spears is having Jesse Jackson's love child.

When the man who gets her all hot and bothered comes along, I promise you that Rachel won’t be hassling him with this ”let’s be friends first” crap. As for you Garth, you’ll get more lovin' from an inflatable doll than you’ll ever get from this chick.

Keep it simple Garth. We don’t have to spend a whole day trying to figure out the 88 reasons why she wants to be “friends first.” The Bottom Line Factor says that she’s putting up a huge roadblock on Romance Road, and you ain’t getting past it, Dude.

But some other guy who rings her bell will. And when that happens, if I were you, I’d rather be getting a root canal than hearing how you and she will always be best friends.

And at what point should you shift to the boyfriend/girlfriend mode? Garth, my man, you should always be in the man/woman non-platonic mode. Always!

Starting with date #1. Never buy into this “let’s be buddies first” blubber.

It’s just a smokescreen for the woman to hide her low Interest Level while she uses you as a sounding board and as her on-call psychotherapist. Of course you’re not a real psychotherapist. A real psychotherapist gets paid for his time!

Remember guys -- when you hear the word “friend”, get the hell out of there as fast as you can.


© Copyright DocLove DotCom, Inc
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN
Success Coach - Doc Love

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