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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
I think it’s great that she’s hustling you, don’t get me wrong, but she
should be cooking dinner and squiring you on trips after four or five
months, not four or five days!
Doc Love's Books:
Hey Doc,
I’m 33 and recently met Melinda, who’s 32. She is very hot-looking and
it would be hard for any guy not to find her attractive. Anyway, she
agreed to go out with me, and on the first date I followed all of your
principles. The very next day she called me and asked me out on another
date. I accepted. After that night, she called me for a third date. As
you might imagine, things were going well between us.
On the second and third dates, Melinda cooked dinner for me, told me how
wonderful I am, said she was falling for me, and told me she wants to
take me to Florida (all expenses paid by her). She also asked for
pictures of me, said she was willing to rearrange her schedule with her
kids to be with me (she has two) and calls me every single day (I don’t
answer all her calls). She has said everything to me but “I love you.” I
keep my mouth shut as far responding to her compliments, or I just say
“Thanks.” Her Interest Level in me is probably about 90% plus.
Now, here’s the problem. Melinda has been divorced for about a year. On
our second date, she revealed to me that she had been having an affair
with a married guy for the past year, and that she thought he was her
soul mate. They were recently on a trip to Las Vegas together, and she
told him (she says, anyway) that they had to stop seeing each other
because he’s married. (Incidentally, he lives in a different state, so I
know they can’t be carrying on with one another.) Anyway, these things
have made me question her Integrity. Also, do you think it’s suspicious
that her Interest Level is in the 90s on the second date?
As a test, I told Melinda on our third date that I needed five bucks for
highway tolls and that I’d pay her back the next time I saw her. She
handed me a twenty and said, “Just keep it.” I do plan on paying her
back, but I guess that on one level the whole thing seems too good to be
true, while on another I’m not sure I completely trust her.
Doc, what’s your read on Melinda? Should I drop her like a hot potato
and move on? I’d really appreciate your insights here, as I read your
column faithfully and find you right on the money. Thanks.
Harrison - who’s never had it this easy
Hi Harrison,
First of all, congratulations on Melinda’s high Interest Level in you.
But if she had any class, she wouldn’t be hounding you the very next
day! I want a woman to have 95% Interest Level when she first sets eyes
on you, and I want her to have 95% Interest Level at the end of a date.
But I don’t want her to act on it. Climbing all over you shows that she
has no Self-Control.
The man is supposed to be the aggressor in the dating game. Melinda
should be sitting back, relaxing, and letting you ask her out and
letting you call her up once a week. As the great Doctor Freud once
said, “A clinically sane woman doesn’t call a guy every day, at least
not in the first month!” This constant phoning only happens when you’re
already married and your wife is wondering where you are every five
minutes.
This babe’s going way, way too fast. Sure, I want her to cook for you
and I want her to take you on vacation, but after the first two or three
dates? She’s got to rein in her horses -- she’s going crazy! See,
Harrison, if she’s already acting like this, there have to be other
areas of her life that you’re unaware of where she’s done – or is going
to do -- some goofy things. It’s a positive sign that she likes you,
obviously, but she’s got to learn how to cool her jets.
Here’s another way to look at it, pal: your own Interest Level is 90%,
but you’re not going nuts, are you? Jeez, Melinda is giving you no time
or space to pursue her -- she’s all over you like white on rice. I think
it’s great that she’s hustling you, don’t get me wrong, but she should
be cooking dinner and squiring you on trips after four or five months --
not four or five days!
Now, on to her affair. How can Melinda’s “soul mate” be married? It’s a
contradiction in terms! And why did it take her so long to dump this
dude? If she had any Integrity, she would have told him that they
couldn’t see each other when he first asked her out. “No, thanks. Soon
as you get divorced, call me.” That’s what she should have said if she
had any class. But she has no class.
And just a minute, here -- what do you mean the two of them “can’t be
carrying on?” Hasn’t it crossed your mind that this married “soul mate”
of Melinda’s can fly into town and shack up with her at Motel 6 for a
few hours? We have these newfangled contraptions called airplanes and
motels for $55 nowadays, don’t forget! Come on, Harrison – the reality
is that you don’t know what Melinda’s doing. You are very naïve. But I
am glad these little things made you question her Integrity!
That said, I don’t think it’s suspicious that she has 90% plus Interest
Level in you so early in the game. Lots of women, when they first see a
man, declare “I’m going to spend the rest of my life with that guy.”
That woman might very well be a keeper, and you might very well want
her. I just want HER to keep her pants on and let the relationship
unfold SLOWLY.
And I think it’s
great that she gave you $20. It’s no big deal, and it is another
good sign. Nevertheless, you have huge problems with Melinda dating
married men and calling you every single day. Here’s a suggestion:
try backing off for a while and not calling her, and you’ll find out
if this gal has a temper. Usually these overly generous, over-eager
types are extremely jealous and possessive of your time. Wait a week
to call, return her calls two days later, and see if she’ll be
complaining, “Hey -- after all I gave you, you have the nerve to
ignore me? You jerk!”
The desperation she’s
displaying makes it entirely possible that Melinda is a bit of a
whack-job. Remember the movie Fatal Attraction? If you don’t watch
out and slow down, your pet rabbit may end up in the soup. Like my
cousin “Fast Eddie” Love says, “Be careful. There ain’t no clean
deals in life!” Here’s another tip for you, Harrison. When a woman
is this hot and heavy so soon, you can bet she’ll be the same with
the next guy she runs into.
Remember, guys: the reason you’ve had it so easy is because this
girl’s easy.
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