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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
"Your girlfriend needs to feel cherished and respected by you. She
needs to feel safe and be able to trust you, and you’re blowing it."
Doc Love's Books:
Hi Doc,
I’m having a problem with my girlfriend, and I really need some advice.
Recently, my girlfriend was over at my house when my ex called. (My ex
and I had been together for 9 months, and I broke up with her about 6
months ago.)
I chatted with my ex for about 10 minutes and my girlfriend got very
upset. I explained to her that this other girl means nothing to me and
that I just consider her to be a friend now. I’ve told my girlfriend
about 12 times that I only want to be with her, but she’s still mad. She
insists that I stop talking to my ex.
I would like to keep my ex as a friend, but my girlfriend can’t find a
way to accept this. I think that she’s jealous and insecure. What do you
think and what should I do? Please give me some advice as soon as
possible, because I want my relationship with my girlfriend to work.
Randell – who wants to know why she’s so mad
Hi Randell,
You know that I’m one of the few love doctors who comes from a male
perspective, and I always try to stand up for the guys. But on this one
dude, she’s got you. Your girlfriend is neither jealous nor possessive.
She just wants to trust you and be respected. That’s right, Randell,
you’re being disrespectful. How would you like her to be chatting with
old boyfriends while she’s sitting on the couch with you? If you’re
honest with yourself, I think you’d have to admit that you wouldn’t
enjoy it a bit. Why? Because as they say in Israel, “It ain’t Kosher!”
Your girlfriend is annoyed because she knows that your ex is trying to
get you back with the ol’ friendship ploy. (To you Psych majors: The ex
girlfriend is playing buddy, hoping he gets rid of his existing lover
and takes her back.) If your ex had dumped you Randell and you had been
the dumpee, I guarantee you wouldn’t be getting any friendly, chatty
phone calls from her. (When women leave first, they never want back in.)
But in this case you were the dumper, and your ex obviously still has
feelings for you. Your current girlfriend knows how her fellow kitty
cats operate and she smells a rat. But your girlfriend isn’t insecure;
you are, because you enjoy getting strokes off someone whom you got rid
of.
Randell, you should ask yourself some important questions, like: Why do
you want to keep your ex as a friend anyway? Are you out of buddies? Do
you get off playing with your ex’s heart? Are you a passive/ aggressive
person who neurotically enjoys annoying your current partner?
Nagging is the most under-reported crime in America, only this time it’s
somewhat justified. Your girlfriend needs to feel cherished and
respected by you. She needs to feel safe and be able to trust you, and
you’re blowing it.
Randell, you’ve been a jerk. Now it’s time to do the right thing and
here’s one way to do it: When Miss Wrong calls again and your girlfriend
is there, casually walk out of the room with the phone while you’re
talking to her. Meanwhile stay within earshot of your girlfriend and let
her hear you say: ” Missy, don’t call me again.” Do this, and your
girlfriend’s levels of trust, respect and romantic interest toward you
will all go up.
Randell, both partners in a long-term romantic relationship must always
have the utmost respect for each other (and themselves) because the
foundation of a lasting relationship is respect. If the man doesn’t give
the woman respect, resentment will rear its hideous little head, the
woman’s Interest Level will slowly sink, and the guy will eventually
hear one of the two most dreaded sentences in the English language:
either “Honey, we have to talk” or “You know, I just need some space.”
So remember, all you guys out there, “When you’re going steady, don’t
talk to your exes.”
© Copyright 2001-2008 DocLove DotCom, Inc
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN
Success Coach - Doc Love
Guys, e-mail me at
doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at:
www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Doc Love every
week with new articles to challenge your relationship preconceptions and
first aid with your troubles.
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