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 Doc
Love - Success Coach For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
"Your rejection of her as a potential girlfriend has nothing to do
with it. It’s just that she can’t stand not being liked by someone she
sees a lot."
Doc Love's Books:
Hi Doc,
A couple of months ago, before I was a student of "The System", I made
the critical mistake of confessing my amorous feelings to a co-worker.
She initially suggested that we have lunch together and we went out to
lunch several times. When we were together, she didn’t hesitate to
reveal many personal things that I know she had not told others, so I
thought she was wanting to get close to me. Then one day I told her that
I felt very loving feelings for her.
The next day at a company get-together she completely ignored me the
entire time. So at the end of the event I approached her and told her
how much I had enjoyed spending time with her. I told her that if there
was something I did wrong, to please tell me.
She denied that there was something wrong at first, but I insisted that
she tell me because I didn’t believe her. After I PUSHED her to tell me
she finally said that she was worried about the fact that she may have
given me the “wrong impression” by being open with me and she was
telling me this because we are such “good friends”.
When I was PUSHING her for the truth is when more gushings of my
feelings for her came out. (If I had kept my trap shut, I am confident
that things would be much different now.)
After this incident, I came across “The System”. I then poured on the
Challenge and became “too busy” to hang out with her.
She then started spending a lot of time with another guy that works with
us. I later found out that they were dating and she had insisted that
they keep it a secret from co-workers.
The funny thing is that one would think that she would want to be alone
with this guy, however, she would take the opportunity to invite me to
join them and she would never make this offer to others. Of course, I
would politely make up an excuse and decline.
Months have passed and I have watched this other guy do things to lower
her Interest Level. This includes, catering to her every whim, sending
her "thank you" e-mail with pictures of flowers and captions of "love",
etc.
Whenever we talk at work she is extra friendly and she actually seems
nervous around me. She also makes suggestions about having more lunches
together, which I haven’t taken her up on yet.
My question to you is do you have any explanation for her behavior
towards me? Usually when a girl wants to be "just friends" she is just
saying that and would not care if the friendship continues. Also, I have
never seen this level of nervousness in a woman that wants to be “just
friends”. (If we had been "friends" I could understand this behavior
however, I only knew her for less than a month before the "incident.")
I still have very strong feelings for her but I don’t feel like setting
myself up for rejection again. I’m pretty sure she thinks of me only as
a “friend.” But on the other hand, maybe I have a chance since I’ve been
such a Challenge with her. What do you think Doc?
Mark – who is sold on “The System”
Hi Mark,
I’m glad that you’ve gotten ‘plugged in’ to ‘The System” and that you
understand how and why you made the mistakes that you did with your
co-worker. I can tell by your enthusiasm that you don’t need a big pep
talk to motivate you to play it cool the next time you’re together with
a girl you really like. You have a real appreciation of “The System” and
its power, and that’s going to keep you on track in the future.
Now allow me to fine-tune your understanding of the events that
transpired.
First of all, you made a naïve assumption when you decided that this gal
had confided things to you that she hadn’t shared with anyone else. How
could you be sure that that was true? How could you have possibly known
whether or not she had recently poured her guts out to someone else,
just as she had done with you? When you assumed that you were the only
one, you were being run by your ego rather than being objective.
You further misinterpreted her behavior by assuming that she was
confiding in you because she had romantic interest in you. It’s true
that a woman will not bare her soul to a guy unless she feels very
comfortable with him. And it’s important to always maintain a high level
of comfort for the woman whom you’re courting. But here’s what you need
to understand: High comfort level does not equal high romantic Interest
Level.
A woman can feel so comfortable with you that she actually will confess
things to you that she really, truly never has told anyone else, ever.
(Sometimes you can wind up hearing more than you’d ever want or need to
know.) And she can share all of that without having any physical or
romantic attraction to you whatsoever. There are thousands of Teddy Bear
guys out there who women regularly use as their therapists, who, sadly,
will verify what I’ve just told you.
If your lovely co-worker had had high romantic interest in you, she
would have been suggesting that the two of you have dinner together
rather than only lunch. A woman with high Interest Level wouldn’t be
happy going out only for lunch at work. As my cousin “Fast Eddie” Love
would say, “When a chick is gone over you, she wants to be wined and
dined.”
Later, when she invited you to come along on her lunch dates with that
other guy, she was trying to use you as a buffer. Since she wanted to
keep her affair a secret from her co-workers, it would have made things
look much more innocent if she’d had a third party along. She needed a
stooge and she nominated you. Pretty brutal, huh? (I doubt that any
other love doctor on the planet would have called that one!)
The reason she acts nervous around you now is most likely that she has
low self-esteem and she can’t handle the fact that you rejected her as a
“friend.” Your rejection of her as a potential girlfriend has nothing to
do with it. It’s just that she can’t stand not being liked by someone
she sees a lot.
Looking back, as you know, you should never have spilled your guts out
to her. And you could have easily tested her Interest Level and saved
yourself from a lot of needles confusion, by asking her out for dinner.
But asking her out now is pointless. Once you’re out, you’re out.
Fortunately, you have me as your coach now, and next time around you’ll
do much better, Mark. Still, you can appreciate the fact that you’ve
learned some valuable lessons from this experience.
Remember, guys: You only get one shot, so don’t blow it.
© Copyright 2001-2008 DocLove DotCom, Inc
Featured Relationship Success Coach at aLoveLinksPlus
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN
Success Coach - Doc Love
Guys, e-mail me at
doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at:
www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
aLoveLinksPlus is pleased to feature Doc Love every
week with new articles to challenge your relationship preconceptions and
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