I realize that this may sound like an obvious statement
but judging by the emails that I get week in and week out, maybe it's not as
obvious as it might seem to some guys. In fact, when I think back on my own
experiences with women, I am DEFINITELY guilty of trying to bore women into
feeling attracted to me...
So what do I mean by this silly
Well, let's start with some
ideas that I hear in one form or another all the time:
"I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she didn't call me
back, and I can't reach her..."
"I don't want to use any 'techniques' with women because I feel
like that would be 'manipulating' her..."
"I want a girl who will like me for who I am..."
"I give her everything she wants, take her out, buy her things,
and I don't understand why she doesn't feel the same way towards me
that I feel towards her..."
"She tells me that she only likes me as a friend, then she goes
out with these guys who treat her like crap instead of going out
with a guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and give her
everything she wants..."
And the list goes on and on...
Now, I realize that these statements are actually different from
each other, and deal with different issues. But the common
denominator in each of them is:
YOU'RE NOT BEHAVING IN A WAY THAT IS PUSHING HER ATTRACTION
BUTTONS. IN MOST OF THESE CASES, YOU'RE GUILTY OF TRYING TO BORE HER
INTO FEELING ATTRACTED TO YOU.
I got one letter recently
where a guy was telling me that he had taken a girl out on a date,
but that there wasn't any "spark"... but he still felt attracted to
the girl. He seemed to think that just because nothing obvious was
BAD about the date, that this girl should also feel attracted to
him. (Maybe he thought that a few more uninteresting, boring dates
would cause her to open her eyes and see the light).
are a few common problems that lead to "BORING DATE-ITIS":
1. Playing it "safe", following her lead, not saying anything
you think will upset her, and making sure that you're "proper".
2. Talking about BORING things like jobs, family, weather, etc.
because it's "what people talk about to get to know each other."
3. Being boring.
PLAYING IT SAFE
I can remember when I thought that the proper way to act on a date
was to talk about socially acceptable topics, act sterile and quiet,
and generally try to make sure that she got whatever she wanted.
Oh, was this a huge mistake. Generally speaking, women are BORED TO
DEATH BY THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.
When you meet a
girl for a cup of tea or go out to dinner, it's time to have FUN,
not to be her personal ass kisser! Playing it safe and kissing up to
her is a sure way to get either an expensive relationship or a woman
who won't call you back.
TALKING ABOUT BORING
Don't talk about your job and your family!
Guys who are trying to convince women that they're
"nice" talk about their families (If you really want to be a loser,
carry pictures around with you and show them off.). Talking about
families is "courtship" behavior, and it will put her into the old
"this guy is boring" frame of mind. Unless you're related to John F.
Kennedy or someone even more interesting, keep the family history to
does a "boring" guy act like?
Well, for starters he acts
like he's NOT COMFORTABLE in the situation...
Nervous smiles. Apologizing. Agreeing with her opinions all the
time. Asking her what she'd like to do. Holding your body in an
unsure, insecure way. That's a good start.
Mix in a few
uncomfortable silences and you've got the makings for her running as
fast as she can and changing her phone number to save herself from
another one of your boring calls!
So what's the
answer? What's the secret to making her feel attracted to you, and
not BORED OUT OF HER SKULL?
I thought you'd
Here are a few ideas for starters:
1. Take her somewhere that has a lot going on... somewhere that
has interesting conversation built in. I like funky areas that have
lots of eclectic, artsy, trendy shops. You can't walk through one of
these areas without having an interesting conversation. There are
all kinds of interesting things from tattoo artists to funky hat
shops to ultra-trendy clothing stores. Most cities have an area like
this, and I'd suggest you go check it out.
2. Talk about
something that isn't BORING. One of my favorite things to do is get
her to talk about her life, then find things to make fun of. This is
a great opportunity for cocky and funny...
YOU: "So, tell me something interesting."
HER: "Like what?"
YOU: "What, you can't think of even ONE interesting think about
yourself or your life? I think I need to go before this gets any
You get the idea...
3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it
be uncomfortable. I think that it's great to stop talking when
you're first getting to know a woman. But don't do it in a way that
sends chills up her spine.
If the conversation goes cold for a few moments, just pay
attention to something else for a minute. Think about something
funny to say and laugh to yourself. She'll say "What? What are you
laughing about?"... which is a great lead in for about 1,000
different cocky/funny answers.
If the conversation stops, be cool. Just act like you're with a
friend, act totally casual, and pick it back up later. Just don't
ACT nervous and uncomfortable!
4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE.
There is an area of the human brain called "Broca's Region" that is
constantly anticipating what is about to happen, then discounting
the predictable. In other words, the more predicable you are, the
faster you will be considered BORING. Learn to say random things.
Disagree with her... (without sounding like a whiny little girl).
Tell her that you think Britney Spears looks like a dog...
If you’re boring, read a couple of books on how to tell stories…
or get a book on comedy to learn how to be funny and tell jokes.
DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO AVOID BEING PREDICTABLE!
OK, I think you're getting the idea. Women don't want BORING. A
woman would rather be with an interesting, fun guy than with a RICH,
HANDSOME, PREDICTABLE, BORING one (and the women who want the rich
boring guy are often boring themselves...).
Find out more about the Double Your Dating techniques for meeting and dating women... watch it in action, learn it, and use it.