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Cocky and Funny

THE DOUBLE YOUR DATING EXPERIENCE

This week: "Being Cocky and Funny to attract women isn't a personality change, it's an attitude adjustment. And it's something every guy can learn and master to attract women."

Dear Dave,
I must admit, I knew this stuff would work, but I had no idea how well.

I am a 37 year old divorced man, a little unsure around hot women, always have been funny, needed the cocky. I wasn't getting a lot of attention until Saturday night.

I was eating supper at a very nice hotel bar, when a very classy, very hot lady sat next to me. I was reading the paper and she asked if she could see some of it. I looked at her sort of reluctantly and said, "Well, I'm done with the sports section, but you have to give it back." Then I turned away and continued reading. She tried twice to start a conversation, to which I responded shortly.

Then I turned on the Cocky/Funny thing full bore! Within 10 minutes she was touching my leg and telling me all about her life! She literally was eating off of my plate! I asked her what I was going to get in return for the food she ate, and she turned beet red.

I told her she couldn't back away, she had already eaten it! To wrap up, we went to listen to some live music, she asked me what I wanted to do, I told her, and we spent the rest of the night, at her place, doing those very things! Dave, she was WAY out of my league, I mean a high priestess in the shrine of fine! This was a night for the archives, and I have to give you credit!
TW 

David D. >>>MY REPLY:

A HIGH PRIESTESS IN THE SHRINE OF FINE!

Take me to church, my man and preach me the gospel.

You have provided a PERFECT TEXTBOOK (my textbook, of course) example of how to use Cocky and Funny with a woman you've just met.

Here are a couple of high points for me:

1. When she first sat down, you basically paid no attention to her at all, and in fact, you gave her a little bit of a hard time by only giving her a little of your paper and telling her that you want it back. This is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what every other guy she meets does, and I'm sure that it set you apart instantly as a man who ISN'T NEEDY.

2. Only after she tried to make casual conversation TWICE with you did you proceed. This creates a great position for you, because she's now subtly pursuing you, and if she starts being sassy about you teasing her, you can always say "Hey, I was just sitting here minding my own business and you keep trying to talk to me" in a sarcastic tone. The magic of a line like this, by the way, is that it's MOSTLY TRUE, and it's also VERY FUNNY.

3. Only after she "succeeded in getting you to talk to her" did you progress into the Cocky and Funny... and it was a situation that lends itself to "conversation". Nice.

4. You made a nice yet subtle move when you asked her what you were going to get in return for the food she ate... This works so well because she obviously ate a small amount off of your plate, so it's ridiculous to assume that she actually owes you anything. The comment is powerful because it if FUNNY as well as SUGGESTIVE.

You're another hero of mine. I'm going to get a shirt made with a picture of you on it, if that's OK.

***QUESTION FROM A WOMAN***

Hi Dave,
Since you always seem to be tickled pink about getting responses from women I thought I'd drop you a line. I've gotta confess that I have been reading your mailbag-emails for about a month now and think most of your "research" is really quite amazing. You've nailed a lot of stuff and I've really enjoyed reading about it.

Some of it I read and to think, to quote someone else, "DAMN, that's what he was trying to do." It cracks me up to know what guys are up to, it's so cute to know that they're trying.

Still other parts of it I read and wonder how some people cannot grasp or understand the concepts... maybe some of it comes naturally to me. I mean, who doesn't like to be teased, flirted with and stimulated?

The c&f routine works just as well for me as guys I think because so many guys (at least the ones I know) expect women to be flattered and taken by surprise when they spring the cocky & funny routine on them. When I started countering them with my own version, we would end up having a blast. We would end up talking for hours, laughing and discussing anything and everything under the sun - it was exciting, intelligent, and just plain fun talk.

I remember one newsletter where you said your techniques are for "picking girls up"... but you didn't specialize in longer lasting relationships. I started thinking... maybe when you can BOTH create the kind of attraction you're teaching, the result is not just a couple dates but a great (longer lasting) relationship.

The guy c&f routine seems incredibly one-sided to me... yes it gets you guys hot dates and sex and whatever you're looking for lol, but don't you eventually get bored with women simply laughing at your jokes without being able to keep up the banter themselves? I know I would. I was just curious what you or other guys had to say about this. Meanwhile, keep up the great "counseling"... a lot of guys I know have benefited from your advice and have become a lot more fun to hang out with! You rock ;)
A female fan

David D. >>>MY RE{PLY:

Oh, it's humbling to me when a smart person writes in and says something better than I could say it... ESPECIALLY when it's from a woman who is sharp, articulate, and obviously loves my stuff.

The thing that really struck me about your email here is that you said "It cracks me up to know what guys are up to, it's so cute to know that they're trying."

You totally get what's going on, and in fact, you see this situation for what it is... guys learning how to be more attractive to women so that women will actually feel more attracted to them. And it is charming in its own way.

And you understand how much more FUN it is to be around a guy who:
1) Isn't a totally WUSSY.
2) Has a sense of humor.
3) Knows how to keep things interesting by being unpredictable, charming, and slightly too big for his britches.

And you've pointed out something that's been hard for me to put into words, but now I have it...

If a woman isn't sharp enough, funny enough, or together enough emotionally to deal with a man who's being Cocky and Funny, then she's probably not going to be very interesting in a long term relationship either.

My personal experience is that women who CAN'T sense what's really going on or who get upset and take things too personally often have major issues and can't relate very well at more intimate levels either.

And why would you want to be with a woman who can't keep up with you for the LONG term?

Thanks for the great email.

***QUESTION***

Hey Dave,
Here's my success story:

I spend a lot of time at a specific beach bar and I've had very satisfying results following this: I bust on the waitresses and attractive female bar tenders, but never ask for their info. I keep going hot/cold on them.

Example: I promise (jokingly) that I will never forget her all my life if she fixes me the PERFECT drink, and, of course the drink is never good enough and forget them at once. Then when they say hi, I go: Who are you, anyway? Can't a man have a peaceful moment sitting at the bar without a girl coming over...etc.

So, having this C&f interaction with the staff, REALLY helps when I talk to other girls I meet on the spot, who sense that the staff is already attracted, and try harder for my attention. This has worked fine.

Question: (well more than one)

1. Sometimes girls seem to get genuinely upset when I am aloof and indifferent. They talk sourly when I (finally) address them, and ask "what do you want from me?"

2. What about calling her the day after sex? They also seem totally pissed off if I don't call/talk/SMS them the day after. they seem particularly sensitive about that. Any comments?

3. I know that you prefer email to direct phone calls. Well, not many people have email over here. Every body has mobile phones though. Does SMS do the same as email? I personally have not concluded which works better, phone call (to a mobile phone) or SMS

Any comments on the above would be GREATLY appreciated.
MC

David D. >>>MY REPLY:

I love your examples of Cocky and Funny. Very nice.

To answer your questions...

Yes, in the real world, sometimes a woman will get upset because you're indifferent, or because you make fun and bust on her... it happens.

It's so hard for men to see that some women just aren't going to be right for them, and that some women aren't fun or interesting.

Just because a woman is attractive doesn't mean that she's also sweet, kind, loving, stable, etc.

Men tend to instantly assume that attractive women are more honest, more friendly, more trustworthy, etc. JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE ATTRACTIVE.

And it just isn't so. You will have to strike your own personal balance in regards to how you act towards women, and you'll have to learn for yourself which signs to watch out for.

I personally have no time for a woman who can't deal with a little teasing, or who gets upset because she's not the center of attention and being courted like a princess.

I laugh if a woman gets upset a one of my jokes... IT'S VERY FUNNY! I just say "lighten up, a bad attitude isn't attractive".

As for your other two questions, I'm just not sure. Test.

I will say that if you don't talk to a woman the day or so after sex (whether she calls you or you call her) she'll usually assume that you aren't interested in anything more, and will probably have a higher chance of resenting you if you call again later... because she's more likely in this situation to feel like a "booty call".

...wow, that was an awesome Mailbag. I learned a lot.

Relationships aren't like investing. If you want a lot, get used to giving more. But it's worth it in the end, because love and attention and humor and fun aren't like money. If you give them out, you don't have less. You have MORE. Get it?

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Talk to you soon,
David D.

 

 

 

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