This article: "I
get a lot of questions from guys asking all kinds of questions about how to
behave around women. In fact, this might be one of the areas that guys want
to know the most about.
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past year
or so about the concept of being "cool". In other words, I've been watching
people (myself included) to see if I could figure out why some people are
considered "cool" while some are considered "not-so-cool"... and more
importantly, how to use this idea to have more success with women."
So what is
a "cool guy"?
And what is it about a guy who's "cool" that makes women feel more attracted
to him than an "uncool" guy?
Let me tell you a few quick mini-stories about guys I've known who were
UN-cool.
One friend I used to have LOVED to argue with people. He would start
arguments about anything and always take the opposite perspective on every
topic. He did this with women all the time too. I think he felt like he was
coming across as smart when he argued. Guess what? Women hated it, and ran
as soon as he started in. His guy friends hated it too. He was UN-cool
because his insecurity was so strong, that he had to argue to get attention.
Another friend I have always tries to do nice things and favors for women he
likes. As soon as he meets a woman he likes, he tries to find something he
can do for her. Of course, he then gets upset when the woman doesn't return
the feelings of affection... and he acts upset and "taken advantage of".
This, of course, makes women run away. As you can probably guess, he's
trying to manipulate women with favors. And women resent him for it. Women
don't think he's cool, and they avoid him.
I know one guy who loves to tell women how beautiful they are, buys them
drinks and dinners, and pursues them with the "You're the greatest thing in
the world and I'm going to chase you around and try to buy your attention".
And even though he's doing a lot of "nice" things for the women he's
interested in, he can't keep one around for more than a date or two. Even
his guy friends think that he needs to calm down and act more "cool" in
general.
Now, all three of the guys I've mentioned above have different problems...
but the way I see it, they're all strangely related.
Here are a few more quick stories about guys I know who are "cool".
One guy I know always has girls around him. In fact, I don't think I've ever
seen him WITHOUT at least one girl with him. Usually he has three or four
girls with him... and sometimes up to 10 or 12. He always makes fun of the
girls, teases them, and treats them like good friends who he's comfortable
enough to bust on. He's not rich, he doesn't buy things for women, and he
doesn't kiss up to them. He DOES, on the other hand, make it his business to
know where the "cool" places are in town, where to go out, and who to call
for the "inside track" on where the hot spots are. Then he shows up at the
door to these hot spots with five women. EVERYONE who knows him thinks of
him as a "cool" guy.
I have
another friend that is really amazing with women. But he does something
that's rather unusual when he's around women. He kind of IGNORES them when
he first meets them. If he's out with friends, and one of them introduces a
female friend to him, he'll shake her hand and say "hi", then TURN AWAY and
go back to whatever he was doing. Somehow, the women that are around him
always want to talk to HIM. And all the guys he knows think of him as one of
the coolest guys around.
Finally, I have one friend who literally says things to women like, "You
probably wouldn't like me. I don't really have relationships with women. Our
relationship will probably go no further than the physical..." He's so calm
and laid back around women that they have to often pursue HIM... and it
happens a lot. He's blunt, direct, and honest about whatever is on his mind.
He doesn't chase women, buy them things, or smother them with compliments...
and yet, they love him. And he has a crew of guy friends who all love him
and think he's one of the "coolest" guys in the world.
So what is it that separates the "cool" guys from the "uncool" guys?
What is "cool"?
What is it that makes a few rare people the kind of people that EVERYONE
wants to be around?
What is it about UN-cool guys that repels other people, and makes women run
away?
And what is it about this element that I'm calling "cool" that makes guys
who have it attract more women than they can handle?
THE DEFINITION OF COOL
I personally think that being "cool" comes down to:
1) Being independent
2) Being indifferent
3) Being funny
4) Being socially adjusted
Before I get into each of these in detail, I want to mention something...
Usually, I tend to stick to techniques to help you meet more women, or give
you advice to get past limiting beliefs, etc.
I've realized recently that there are a few BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL things that
we, as guys, need to really "get" about interacting with other people before
we start trying to learn advanced stuff, like how to approach and meet
women. If you don't have some of the basic things handled, all the fancy
techniques in the world won't fix your problem.
So stick with me here, this is important. OK, so let's talk about the four
components that I mentioned above.
BEING INDEPENDENT
Independent is the OPPOSITE of "dependent".
When you act "dependent", you lean on others, you look to them for approval,
you ask what they think before you make a decision, you tend to want to stay
physically close to them, and your feelings tend to depend on what others
feel and think of you.
When you act INDEPENDENT, you lean back, you do things because YOU decided
you wanted to, you don't ask others what they think - instead you decide
yourself, you are fine walking away from your friends for awhile when you're
out, and your feelings are controlled by what YOU think, not what others
think.
A "dependent" person will go into a bar with friends, stick close to them
all night, ask what everyone else is drinking before they order, get upset
easily about things that others say, and constantly be looking for attention
and approval in some way.
An INDEPENDENT person, on the other hand, will go into a bar with friends
and be more likely to... walk away and look around the place ALONE to see
who's there - and feel fine about leaving their friends for awhile and
striking up a conversation with a stranger... They'll order a drink if they
want, or water if they want - and not care what everyone else is drinking...
They'll be cool and calm no matter what happens - even if others are getting
upset around them... And, most importantly, they aren't looking to others
for attention and approval. They're doing their own thing, and enjoying
whatever happens.
BEING INDIFFERENT
Most people in this world are ATTACHED to the outcomes of things. They're
constantly worrying about what's going to happen... and talking about the
future in a fearful, uncertain way.
This type of person always wants to know what other people think of them,
and they're worrying about what they should do so other people will like
them. Unfortunately, this almost ALWAYS comes across as INSECURITY.
An INDIFFERENT person, on the other hand, just goes about life and takes
things as they come.
The indifferent person is INDIFFERENT to the outcome of whatever situation
they're in.
If it's a man, and he's approaching a woman, he will be OK with whatever
happens. If she's nice to him, great. If she's uptight, no problem. If she's
rich, famous, and beautiful... and starts coming on to him, fine. No big
deal.
When you are ATTACHED to the outcome of a situation, it makes you act all
kinds of freaky. You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for approval, act
insecure... and any of 100 other unattractive things.
On the other hand, when you're INDIFFERENT to the outcome, it makes you
MAGNETIC. Especially when it comes to women and dating. Indifference is the
ultimate way to show a LACK of insecurity in life.
BEING FUNNY
Humor is magic.
It's a complete mystery why we find things "funny" and why we "laugh".
Crying because someone died makes some logical sense. It's a bad thing, and
crying expresses a negative emotion.
But when you see a dog run into a window because he doesn't see it... and he
gets a confused look on his face, you LAUGH. What's with that?
Humor is interesting to me, in that if you're funny, it makes people FEEL
GOOD inside. They laugh, and it triggers positive feelings. If you're not
naturally funny, it's a great skill to learn. Read books. Watch live comedy.
Do whatever it takes to learn how to be funny.
Most of the "coolest" guys I know are wickedly funny. Some of them are only
funny on occasion... but they "get it"... and when they do make a joke, it's
DAMN funny.
BEING SOCIALLY ADJUSTED
I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are
"UN-cool" are not very adjusted socially.
They lack a certain something in the "social skills" department that makes
it OBVIOUS to others (and especially to women) that they don't know how to
relate very well to other people. They just never learned how to make others
feel comfortable around them.
If you've ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was
brilliantly smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean.
If people act kind of nervous, strange, and uncomfortable when they're
around you, then you also know where I'm coming from on this.
I can't teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in two
sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people socially, then
start PAYING ATTENTION to what's going on around you.
Watch how others dress, carry themselves, walk, and talk. Pay attention to
little details... like saying, "What's up?" when you meet someone new,
instead of "Hello, pleased to meet you" and such.
...now, is this all there is to being "cool"?
Of course not.
But it's a great start.
If you can first get yourself to the place where other people want to be
around you just because they enjoy your company, you'll find that taking
things to the next level with women will be about 10 times easier.
I've had this conversation with MANY of the guys I know who are successful
with women, and they all basically say the same thing... you have to learn
how to be "cool" and make others (women) feel comfortable just being in the
same room with you. And if you're "cool", this happens almost instantly. If
you're not "cool", then you're going to have a hard time making ANYONE feel
comfortable with you... never mind having a woman feel ATTRACTION for you.
As a direct result of the things I've learned about how to be more
successful with women and dating, I've ALSO become more successful at things
like being invited to "exclusive" parties, having famous and successful
people pursue me as a friend, and just generally being invited into more
"exclusive" social circles.
Why is this?
Well, for one thing, people who know a lot of "cool" or influential people
are very careful about who they "bring along" to gatherings with friends.
The LAST thing someone "cool" needs in their life is an "UN-cool" person
making a jackass of themselves in front of all of their friends.
When you learn the art of being "cool", you start to attract other cool
people. And those people will see that you're not insecure, emotionally
unstable, clingy, and such. They'll see that you know how to handle yourself
with other people (and with women), and they'll start introducing you to
other cool people (including women) instead of running away from you.
I know that this article is going to ignite a whole series of letters to me
about how learning these concepts has done exactly what I'm talking about
for various guys (and I want to hear about it, by the way, so make sure you
write in).
So, want more great ideas on how to be "cool", and how to meet and date more
women?
I thought so...
It took me a long time to figure out how to be "cool" around women... and
how to make women feel that powerful physical and emotional response called
ATTRACTION...
I
can't tell you how much I wish I could have known what I teach when I was
younger. It's taken me literally YEARS to put all the pieces together, and I
invite you to take advantage of the time, effort, energy, and money I've
invested to discover, refine, and organize all of the step-by-step
techniques I've put together...
You need to
download my online eBook 'Double Your Dating'. You can download it and
literally be reading it within a few minutes. Go download it here:
www.doubleyourdating.com/ebook
Your friend,
David Deangelo
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(c) 2008 David DeAngelo,
Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd. All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an
opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal
entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas,
concepts, and content and will hold all harmless.
Article may not be reprinted without express written consent of the authors.
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