"Double Your Dating" Advice For Guys
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This article: Independent, funny and approachable guys always do well with women. This is what you need to know to become one of them.
So what is a
"cool guy"?
And what is it about a guy who's "cool" that makes women feel more attracted
to him than an "uncool" guy?
Let me tell you a few quick stories about guys I've known who were un-cool.
First Story:
One friend I used to have loved to argue with people. He would start
arguments about anything and always take the opposite perspective on every
topic. He did this with women all the time too. I think he felt like he was
coming across as smart when he argued. Guess what? Women hated it, and ran
as soon as he started his arguments. His male friends hated it too. He was
un-cool because his insecurity was so strong, that he had to argue to get
attention.
Second Story:
Another friend I have always tries to do nice things and favors for women he
likes. As soon as he meets a woman he likes, he tries to find something he
can do for her, to be ready to be "helpful". Of course, he then gets upset
when the woman doesn't return the feelings of affection... and he acts upset
and "taken advantage of" in front of her. This, of course, makes the women
distance themselves quickly. As you can probably guess, he's trying to
manipulate women with favors, buying their affection through "good works".
And women resent him for it, they don't want to be bargained into
relationships, owing a guy for his "good deeds". Women don't think he's
cool, and they avoid him like you'd avoid a leper.
Third Story:
I know one guy who loves to tell women how beautiful they are, buys them
drinks and dinners, and pursues them with the "You're the greatest thing in
the world and I'm going to chase you around and try to increase your
affection". And even though he's doing a lot of "nice" things for the women
he's interested in, he can't keep one around for more than a date or two.
Flattery, compliments and his obsessive chasing of his woman of the moment
always backfires. Even his male friends think that he needs to calm down and
act "cool" in general, end the use of his "affection-obsession" tactics
towards women .
Now, all three of the guys I've mentioned above have different problems but the way I see it, they're all strangely related. They don't have any attracting women techniques that work beyond the first couple of dates.
Here are a few more short stories about guys I know who are "cool".
Cool Guy 1:
One guy I know always has girls around him. In fact, I don't think I've ever
seen him without at least one girl with him. Usually he has three or four
girls with him and sometimes up to 10 or 12, he literally attracts a harem
of women.
He always makes fun of the girls, teases them, and treats them like good friends who he's comfortable enough to bust on. He's not rich, he doesn't buy things for women, and he doesn't kiss up to them. He does, on the other hand, make it his business to know where the "cool" places are in town, where to go out, and who to call for the "inside track" on where the hot spots are. Then he shows up at the door to these hot spots with five women. Everyone that knows him thinks of him as a "cool" guy.
Cool Guy 2:
I have another friend that is really amazing with women. But he does
something that's rather unusual when he's around women. He tends to ignore
them when he first meets them. If he's out with friends, and one of them
introduces a female friend to him, he'll shake her hand and say "Hi", then
turn away and go back to whatever he was doing.
Somehow, the women that are around him always want to talk to him, get his attention and do what they can to enter his inner circle. And all the guys he knows think of him as one of the coolest guys around, also trying to hang with him.
Cool Guy 3:
Finally, I have one friend who literally says things to women like, "You
probably wouldn't like me. I don't really have relationships with women. Our
relationship will probably go no further than the physical."
He's so calm and laid back around women that they have to often pursue him and it happens a lot. He's blunt, direct, and honest about whatever is on his mind. He doesn't chase women, give them gifts, or smother them with compliments and yet, they love him. And he has a crew of guy friends who all love him and think he's one of the "coolest" guys in the world.
So what is it that separates the "cool" guys from the "uncool" guys?
What is "cool"?
What is it that makes a few rare people the kind of people that everyone wants to be around?
What is it about un-cool guys that offends other people, and makes women keep their distance?
And what is it about this type of guy that I'm calling "cool" that makes guys who have it attract more women than they can handle?
The Definition of Cool
I personally think that being cool comes down to:
1) Being independent (being a leader not a follower)
2) Being indifferent (not getting trapped into unattractive situations)
3) Being funny (humor isn't an afterthought of their personalities)
4) Being socially adjusted (unafraid of conversations, trying new things and
meeting people)
I'm going to give you some details about these four cool fundamentals but first I want to mention something that I tend to stick to techniques that will help you meet more women, or give you advice to get past your own limiting beliefs.
I've realized recently that there are a few basic and fundamental, ground floor things that we, as guys, need to really understand about interacting with other people before we start trying to learn top floor stuff, like how to approach and meet and attract women. If you don't have some of these basic things handled, all the fancy attraction techniques in the world won't fix your problem with women.
So continue on with me here and let's talk about the four elements that I mentioned above.
1) Being Independent
Independent is the opposite of dependent.
When you act dependent you lean on others, you look to them for approval, you ask what they think before you make a decision, you tend to want to stay physically close to them, and your feelings tend to depend on what others feel and think of you.
When you act independent, you lean back, you do things because you decided you wanted to, you don't ask others what they think - instead you decide yourself, you are fine walking away from your friends for awhile when you're out, and your feelings are controlled by what you think, not what others think.
A dependent person will go into a bar with friends, stick close to them all night, ask what everyone else is drinking before they order, get upset easily about things that others say, and constantly be looking for attention and approval in some way.
An independent person, on the other hand, will go into a bar with friends and be more likely to walk away and look around the place alone to see who's there, and feel fine about leaving their friends for awhile and striking up a conversation with a stranger. They'll order a drink if they want, or water if they want and not care what everyone else is drinking. They'll be cool and calm no matter what happens even if others are getting upset around them. And, most importantly, they aren't looking to others for attention and approval. They're doing their own thing and enjoying whatever happens.
2) Being Indifferent
Most people in this world are attached to the outcomes of things. They're constantly worrying about what's going to happen and talking about future events in a fearful, uncertain way. Their lack of control over things controls their attitude and behavior.
This type of person always wants to know what other people think of them, and they're worrying about what they should do so other people will like them. Unfortunately, this almost always comes across as insecurity.
An indifferent person, on the other hand, just goes about life and takes things as they come. dealing with things head-on and understanding the difference of what they can and cannot change.
The indifferent person is indifferent to the outcome of whatever situation they're in because they can always deal with it.
If it's a man, and he's approaching a woman, he will be Ok with whatever happens. If she's nice to him, great. If she's uptight, no problem. If she's rich, famous, and beautiful and starts coming on to him, fine. That's nothing to change his perspective on things.
When you are attached to the outcome of a situation, it makes you act all kinds of freaky. You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for approval, act insecure and any of a hundred other unattractive things.
On the other hand, when you're indifferent to the outcome, it makes you magnetic because people are drawn to those in control of themselves. Especially when it comes to women and dating. Indifference is the ultimate way to show a lack of insecurity in life.
3) Being Funny
Humor is magic. It's a complete mystery why we find things "funny" and why we "laugh". Crying because someone died makes some logical sense. It's a bad thing, and crying expresses a negative emotion.
But when you see a dog run into a window because he doesn't see it and he gets a confused look on his face, you laugh. What's with that?
Humor is interesting to me, because if you show that you are funny, it makes people feel good inside and attracted to you, wanting to be a part of your inner circle. When they laugh, triggers positive feelings in those around. If you're not naturally funny, it's a great skill to learn. Read books. Watch live comedy. Do whatever it takes to learn how to be funny. It's a learnable skill
Most of the coolest guys I know are wickedly funny. Some of them are only funny on occasion, repeating things they've seen and heard but they get it and when they do make a joke, it's damn funny.
4) Being socially adjusted
I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are un-cool are not very adjusted socially. They lack a certain something in the social skills department that makes it obvious to others (and especially to women) that they don't know how to relate very well to other people. These guys never learned how to make others feel comfortable around them. They're nervous and uncertain in most situations.
If you've ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was brilliantly smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean. If people act nervous, uncertain and uncomfortable when they're around you, then you also understand what I'm saying.
I can't teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in two sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people socially, then start paying attention to what's going on around you.
Watch how others dress, present themselves, how they walk and talk.
Pay attention to little details like saying, "What's up?" when you meet someone new, instead of "Hello, pleased to meet you" and such.
Now, is this
all there is to being "cool"?
Of course not. But it's a great start.
If you can first get yourself to the place where other people want to be around you just because they enjoy your company, you'll find that taking things to the next level with women will be so much easier.
I've had this conversation with many of the guys I know who are successful
with women, and they all basically say the same thing:
You have to learn how to be cool and make others (especially women) feel
comfortable just being in the same room with you.
And if you're cool this happens almost instantly.
If you're not cool then you're going to have a hard time making anyone feel comfortable with you, never mind having a woman feel attraction towards you.
As a direct result of the things I've learned about how to be more successful with women and dating, I've also become more successful at things like being invited to exclusive parties, having local famous and successful people pursue me as a friend, and just generally being invited into more exclusive inner social circles.
How did this happen?
Well, for one thing, people who know a lot of cool or influential people are very careful about who they bring along to gatherings with friends.
The last thing someone cool needs in their life is an un-cool person making a nervous idiot of themselves in front of all of their inner social circle of friends.
When you learn the art of being cool you start to attract other cool people.
And those people will see that you're not insecure, that you're not emotionally unstable, clingy, and such. They'll see that you know how to handle yourself with other people (and with women), and they'll start introducing you to other cool people (including women) instead of running away from you.
I know that this article is going to ignite a whole questioning ideas in you, maybe a whole series of letters to me about how learning these concepts has done exactly what I'm talking about for various guys (the success letters that I want to hear about it, by the way, so make sure you email me).
So, do you want more great ideas on how to be cool and how to meet and date more women? I thought so.
It took me a long time to figure out how to be cool around women and how to make women feel that powerful physical and emotional response called attraction.
I can't tell you how much I wish I could have known what I teach when I was
younger. It's taken me literally years to put all the pieces together, and I
invite you to take advantage of the time, effort, energy, and money I've
invested to discover, refine, and organize all of the step-by-step
techniques that I've put together.
You
need to download my online eBook 'Double Your Dating'. You can download it
and literally be reading it within a few minutes. Go download it
here
This book and the three bonus ebooks that come with it are the FOUNDATION for success with women. Everything you read in these articles will make more sense once you have read the ebook
...and read
it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon, David D.
PS.
If using humor to attract women is what works for you, but you're stopped
cold when things get interesting and she gives you "the pause", let's put
your humor skill into overdrive! It's starts on
this page.
Guys that read this article also read:
(c) 2012 Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd. and David DeAngelo Inc. All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all harmless. Article may not be reprinted without express written consent of the authors.
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