"When you can't get a girlfriend..."
This article: "When you find yourself having a hard time getting a girlfriend there are some tough choices ahead for you. Heed my advice and you'll survive this drought."
I need some advice, really bad.
I'm 24 and had a few long term girlfriends in the past, but recently just seem to be getting no luck at all.
I was seeing this girl for few months then she just backed off and 'didnt know what she wanted' now she's seeing someone else almost right away??
I'm quite outgoing but not as confident and arrogant as I used to be and find that girls I'm texting/ talking to on facebook aren't really interested to meet up or take things beyond friendships now??
It's really frustrating because can't help thinking I'm doing something majorly wrong??
Anyway I've come to the conclusion you need to put yourself first and not try and chase women and focus on getting a girlfriend.
I've decided for a change and applied for university next year and going to focus more on my mates a lot more in the meantime, then just see what comes my way :)
Do you think that's a good move??
Oh yeah people at work don't seem as drawn to me as they used to when I was younger for some reason
Steve in New York
Let's hit your questions one at a time and maybe the light will shine on your predicaments.
When the girl you're dating suddenly breaks up with the reason "I don't know what I want right now" or some other bullshit what she's really saying is that you've bored her, the relationship isn't going anywhere and what she knows that what she doesn't want is you anymore.
She's tried to let you down easily but no matter what, a breakup is a breakup and someone always get's hurt, in this case it was you. You were likely blindsided because maybe you thought everything was going great.
This happens a lot and I've come to the conclusion that if you're really happy with the girl you're with, the chances start to become a lot higher that she's getting unhappy with you.
It's called a rut. And when it happens the woman will climb out of the rut and leave you behind.
How can you prevent this from happening in the future? I'm glad you asked... Guy's try really hard to get a girlfriend and once they have her they forget that she's not a prize for display purposes, she has needs that usually involve her vanity. She needs to be appreciated in more ways that her looks, she needs to be comforted in ways that stroke her personality, you have to let her make some decisions about the relationship and then she'll start to feel safe with you.
But, and this is a big but, you always have to have a plan. You always have to plan what you're going to do with her, where you're going to go, how you're going to keep the relationship fresh and exciting, basically "rutless".
Once you start to feel comfortable in your relationship the breakup clock has started. Keep doing new things, surprise her in big ways and small and you'll be able to weather the stormy parts easier and you'll also avoid the rut because she'll always be excited to be with you.
The girls you chat with and trade messages with on Facebook don't want to go out with you? This is a tough one to answer because I don't know what type of messages you've been exchanging.
But I can tell you this, if you've friended them on facebook and trade more than one message with it the message being this "Hi, I like your profile, you seem interesting and we have a few things in common, want to meet me for a coffee?"
When you start extending the conversations, and essentially talking fluff over a few days or weeks, you lose the "newness" of your new friendship. And because texting and emails are such a one-dimensional type of communication, the girls can "rad" into your messages things that might not be true about yourself but become excuses to meet you face-to-face anyways. Your bore them and they decide, quickly, that you're not an interesting guy, you're not a "challenge" and that's then end of your chances.
This is a common trap of internet-age communications, texting and emails do not allow for deep understanding, it's a very one-dimensional system that allows for a lot of interpretation by the person receiving the messages. The only way you can avoid this downturn of your chances to meet these women is to meet them right away. Ask them for coffee, to go somewhere shopping, whatever, but do it quickly before you bore them talking about crap in your instant messages, chat and emails. And for goodness sake, stop poking them and sending them game invitations. It's pathetic.
You are right that you need to put yourself first. This is actually one aspect of being a challenge to women and most guys never understand that (this philosophy expanded on in the ebook Double Your Dating).
Putting yourself first means you always have a plan as to what you're going to do, what direction your life is headed but in a positive way, not the negative way of giving up on getting a girlfriend as you propose it. Think about this, it will make sense to you.
You're also right that you don't chase women, not openly and aggressively anyways. This is another key part of being a challenge to women which there isn't space to go into in any depth here (but is also discussed in the ebook Double Your Dating).
Hanging out with your mates makes good sense, it's easier, actually, to meet women when you're in a group of guys instead of being alone, you just need to find the right moments and not be stoned or drunk out of your mind when you do make an approach.
I wills ay that changing universities is a very bad idea. Now, I don't really know you, but a university usually has thousands of students and teachers in it. Do you mean to tell me that you've run through all the possible women and now need a fresh place to chase women? You are so wrong.
If you ask a hundred women for a date and only one says yes, well you have a date don't you? And by staying where you are you're still in familiar ground, with hundreds of new women coming to your university every year.
Work on your studies and watch the women appear. Don't worry about getting older, you're maturing and finding new windows to look at life through. This is normal. And yes, the kids you're hanging around with aren't maturing as you are so friendships change. But, more importantly, you have to have a positive outlook on life to "infect" those around you to a positive state of mind and increase your attractiveness and the interest in you of the women around you. Don't close yourself off.
Take time for yourself and be ready, at any time, to approach a woman.
Smile more, dress better, show the world that you enjoy life and the women will be attracted to you like moths to a flame.
Show the world that life is a disappointment then you will remain disappointed.
I want you to take the next step and get the Double Your Dating ebook. Within a couple of clicks you'll be reading about meeting women, why women like a guy that is not average, is a bit of a bad boy and is a challenge to women.
At the very least go and watch the intro video here, and get to work. As a free bonus you'll be signed up for the dating secrets e-letter if you add your email address to the form.
...and watch it in action, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
People that read this article also read:
- The Double Your Dating ebook
- Meeting Women On Your Own
- How To Pass A Woman's Tests
- Why Women Don't Like Average Men
(c) Robert Lee alovelinksplus.com, and David DeAngelo Inc. All Rights Reserved.