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Are You Doing The Opposite Of Attracting Women?


David D.'s Dating Advice at aLoveLinksPlus

This article: Generally women don't tell you when you're doing everything wrong. Not out loud anyways. Women just don't show any interest in you, say what they can to get rid of you and you end up shaking your head wondering where it all went wrong.

Double Your Dating eBook*** Question from an ebook reader ***

Dear Dave,
I downloaded your book and I've read it twice. It's helped me to pinpoint areas where I need to improve and basically understand some of why women do what they do.

However I have a situation:

Normally, I'm a smart ass, I'm always making smart comments, and a general joker. The problem is, when I go to a club or a bar, with gorgeous Hot Babes all around, my mind goes blank. It's almost like my brain freezes and all I can do is look at the women without anything to say.

You can see how this frustrates the hell out of me. Any advice?

Should I do some affirmations?
How do I overcome this?
Ashamed in NJ

David D.'s Comments:

I think your problem is really pretty simple. You are experiencing something that I have been through a countless times.

In fact, I think that most guys have been through this problem at some point in life. One of the ideas that I teach is "Have one good default thing to do in each common situation".

In other words, it sounds to me like you just haven't taken the time to work out a basic system for yourself, finding introductions that work, that will allow you to meet any woman you come across in any one of these situations.

Here's what you need to do:
Take out a piece of paper, and write down your one single favorite way to start a conversation with a woman. Next, plan out exactly how the conversation should go in your mind. Next, mentally rehearse this scenario over and over and over until you have it clearly in your mind. Your words and her reactions.

Finally, go out tomorrow night and use this one introduction to meet 10 women. You may have to talk to a couple of dozen women but use this to refine your approach. Don't let rejection overcome your goal here: meeting ten women.

The next day, sit down again for a few minutes and think about how it worked for you. Think about ways you could improve your approach, and if you come up with some good innovations, go ahead and do the same process of mentally rehearsing the new ideas until you have them down.

One thing that really makes me laugh is that most guys think harder about their voicemail message than they do thinking about what to say to any women at any time, in any place.

You need one good, solid, default thing to do in each common situation with women. So pick one, and refine it until your mind no longer goes blank!

*** Comment from a Newsletter Reader ***

Hey Dave,
One of the things I noticed about stupid guys who can't get lucky or even a phone number is that they aren't around women enough.

Having your own business, or doing sales makes you realize that you have to let people, or in this case women, know about your product, you.

I am always amazed by guys who whine they can't meet any chicks and then stay home and console themselves on a Friday night, or even worse drink at some slummy bar where there are no women.

This may sound basic but go shopping once in a while, be around women; there are women everywhere for the taking, especially on a Sunday afternoon, if you know what I mean.

David D.'s Comments:

Preach it, my brother. Sometimes I don't mention the obvious enough, and I thank you for reminding me and everyone else of one of the basic fundamental truths of being successful with women.
Thanks again!

*** Question from a woman ***

I have read some of your articles and I have found them very interesting.
My brother shows them to me and tells me a lot of things that he has learned. But I used to ask him, what can I do to attract a man? He suggested that I ask you, maybe you can give me some advice or show me a good website for advice for women.

For about 13 years, I was part of a very strict religion. Now I'm out of it. I'm 28 years old and still a virgin. I feel very naive about relationships and sex and I'm looking for good advice about these topics. Is your ebook going to help a female? I would really appreciate your help.

David D.'s Comments:

Well, if you want to get the virginity thing handled, just go out any night to any bar in any town and walk up to any guy and say "Hi, would you like to have sex?"
It goes without saying that you'll want to use protection, but as a woman I don't think you're going to have much of a problem meeting a willing man!

But enough of the obvious.

I thought your email was interesting because most guys assume way too much about women, and they don't realize that women are insecure, inexperienced, and uncertain in many situations as well.

Men and women are people, just the same with the same efforts needed to make to meet each other.

*** Question from a man ***

First off, fantastic ebook! It's the Holy Grail of Manhood, I think!

I have plenty of girls getting a rise out of my cocky/funny attitude and it doesn't make sense at all but, like you say, to the women it's magic.

For example, a few weeks ago I approached a really attractive girl (about an 8.5) at a stop walk downtown and started busting on her about her platform heels she had on (made some reference to disco clubs), I asked for and got her phone number and told her we should have coffee sometime, she loved the idea. When we met downtown for coffee, she said there was a particular coffee shop she would like to go to, I firmly said 'No' and took her to another one. It was fantastic Dave! The day was beautiful and, yes, there was much more for dessert that day than my Biscotti!

Now, I just graduated college and work in a large mid-western city. I'm a good looking guy, well dressed, smart, pretty nice job, stylish, the whole package, right? I also have a thing for older women.

I've recently been hitting this martini bar where quite a few attractive (and well-to-do) women go. I've been reluctant to use the same style of cocky/funny techniques that I use on the college girls on older women, as they probably don't play the same 'games' younger ladies do.

What is your advice? Younger girls are great and energetic, but those 35-year olds have something you only get with age, experience.
Thanks Dave!!
Chicago Dan

David D.'s Comments:

Mature, intelligent women fall over themselves for a Cocky and Funny man. I think you're going to find that sophisticated women are much more welcome to your new charm techniques than their younger counterparts.

But be careful. Older women are more experienced, have been through more games, and know what they want and how to get it. You might be writing me soon to ask me why your older, new girlfriend has you overwhelmed and under her control.

*** Question from a man ***

Dear Dave,
First off, excellent book. The book is really about how to take control of your life and get what you want from it. That's awesome.

I dated this really hot chick that was in medical school. I did the whole cocky and funny routine. Worked like magic.

Here's an example: Her, "I love you, R." Me laughing "I love me too."
That's when I had to bail on her. She even bought me some expensive jewelry.

I am stuck in a difficult situation. Due to the way I look, dress, and talk, girls assume that I am a player. I am very, very inexperienced with women however. I have had a few times where I am about to seal the deal, and some girl will ask me, "How many girls have you been with ?" or "You're a player aren't you ?" I have never sealed the deal and if I tell them this they don't believe me and some will just get mad and leave. I am not sure what I should say in this situation. I think some of your book is based on being able to kiss properly such as the kiss test or the c+f comment, "I don't even know if you kiss well. "

I do not even know how to kiss properly. I can be cocky and funny and can attract girls but then I don't know how to be cocky and funny and bring up that I have never done anything. Please help me resolve this because armed with my determination and my improving skills.

David D.'s Comments:

You're too much. She even bought you "some expensive jewelry"? Nice!

OK, you say that you've read my book, but you must have missed page 62. I explain exactly how to deal with this kind of situation (questions you don't want to answer).
Here, let me get creative for you:
She asks: "Are you a player?"
Your answer: "Are you trying to hide the fact that you are?"

One key in situations like this is to never give a woman a direct answer. Use your Cocky & Funny skills to come up with 5 good answers, and use them. Maybe say: "Yes, I play sports, what do you like?"

As you can see, I like to turn questions and accusations around and guess that they're trying to hide the fact that what they're asking about is something wrong with them. Just don't answer directly and most women will give up and move beyond those types of questions.

If you get defensive and say "Oh, no no no, I'm not a Player at all, " most women won't believe you anyway, even if you're not a player.

*** Question from a man ***

Hey Dave,
Well, like everyone else that's written I must say your book helped, even before when I just read your newsletters and every week they helped. I've had a lot of success. Well I would of never expected myself to email you, cause there was really no point, cause your book helped a lot, but sadly that day has come, where I need help

Oh yes. Ok, Thanks to you I got jiggy with it, got girls, but I fell head over heals with this one girl. I'll make a long story short. I went out with her, she'd always have fun, but still I wasn't always at my full potential cause she was the one that made me feel all tingly inside and I had just gotten your book.

But, there was this one occasion where I listened to my best friend, he said "tell her you like her" but I knew I shouldn't cause you always say never tell a girl you like them.

Well, you guessed it. I told her that. And everything started going down hill after that.

And to make matters worse, I finished everything off with her, and well I said some things I now wish I hadn't. After that happened and I tried to forget about her, but she instant messaged me once saying she wanted to give me back something I had given her for her birthday, but she didn't want to give it to me personally. Still had fun teasing her, but nothing happened.

Then I went out with some other girls, got lots of numbers to keep my mind off her. I went on vacation but nothing Happened. 2 months without her drove me crazy, so I emailed her a couple times, 3 to be exact. Made them as cocky and funny as they could be. But no winners there.

Now I'm just doomed. Sure people have told me to move on, and probably you'll say that. But I've tried, but I feel like she's the one. But she despises me, or so I think.

So Dave, is there something you can tell this beginner to try get her back or try to do to what I don't know, it's tough though.

David D.'s Comments:

Ouch. As you know, you've done a very bad thing: you became exactly what I tell guys not to be, a wussy!

Here's your punishment:
Take out an entire blank notebook full of paper and write the following by hand:
"I will not act like a wussy. I will not act like a wussy. I will not act like a wussy."

When you've filled the notebook you may stop. Get it?

Women aren't attracted to the wussy that hides inside guys.

And of course you've gone and made the situation worse with each move you've made, probably to the point where there's not much you're going to be able to do about it.

Just get on with your life, and let this be a lesson to you and anyone reading this. Don't act like a wussy! Don't tell a woman you "like" her too early on. Don't call her too often. Don't act clingy and needy. Don't do all that!

When you act like a wuss, women lose their attraction for you and they can't even explain why it's happening. So stop that!

*** Success Story ***

Hi Dave,
I have to say first and foremost that you are a genius.
While I have had some very good looking girlfriends, it never dawned on me the reason that we were never together very long was because I acted like a wuss, and got way too clingy.

I am not a great looking guy, but most girls (even really good looking ones), have described me as being "cute" (consequently, I have realized that a guy's looks have very, very little to do with being successful with women, maybe like 5%).

I have been putting your tactics to work lately and I have to admit they work like a charm, as I have gotten more email addresses and phone numbers than I know what to do with. I am a House DJ in a nightclub and this gives me the perfect opportunity to talk to good looking girls since I am approached by or talked to at least 3 or 4 times a night by such girls, either asking me questions about the music or if I have a certain song.

While I don't have a lot of time to talk to them (usually no more than 2 or 3 minutes), I have been able to get their email and phone numbers very quickly using your techniques (even when their boyfriends are with them at the club... hahahaha... more on that later). Basically, I start busting on them about something or other and get them laughing (usually because they don't know the name of the song and start trying to imitate it or sing the words in it), and then I come out with "So, are you single?". Most of the time they tell me "no, I have a boyfriend".

Now this is an important point for a lot of your readers. Everyone, listen up! Just because a woman says she has a boyfriend doesn't mean it's true.

I have found on numerous occasions that women I have gotten emails and phone numbers from have been single, after they have told me they have a boyfriend. It almost seems like they are using it as a test to see what you are going to do. I really don't get it, but I stopped trying to figure it out, just following your advice and I don't let it worry me.
Most of the time when they say they have boyfriends they offer no resistance when I ask for their email and phone number. (Forgive me Dave, I haven't followed your advice to the "T". I admit I haven't attempted the "it was nice meeting you, I need to get back to work." and then as she is leaving say "Hey! do you have an email?" The method I use has been working pretty good for me, but I will try doing this when I meet women outside the club, especially the ones at the gym I go to, which I haven't really approached yet)

One thing that stands out in my mind happened last weekend when this extremely hot brunette with a body to die for (probably 9.75/10) came up and we started talking. (The guy running the lights almost started drooling.) She told me right off the bat she had a boyfriend. I asked if she was tired of him yet, and she giggled and said "no, we've been going out for about 3 years, we've had our ups and downs, but things are going all right now", smiled and then said to me "you are so sweet though" and put her head on my shoulder. She then immediately asked me "Why, are you single?" I laughed and said "Maybe. Why, do you know someone who might be interested in me?" She smiled again, and I knew I had her at this point. I then said "Don't you think it's going to be hard to think of your boyfriend when it's so obvious you are attracted to me?" She smiled again and kind of cocked her head sideways, but didn't say anything, so I followed up with "Wow, three years is a long time, when's the wedding date?" She said "Oh, he isn't really the kind of guy I'm looking to marry", and I said "then stop wasting your time with him and give me your email address."

She gave me the "deer in the headlights" look, like she was in shock at what I said, but then immediately said "OK", took the pen and proceeded to write it down. While she was doing this I said "and go ahead and write down you phone number too." She said "OK" again and wrote it down. Then she handed it to me and said, almost reluctantly "I have a boyfriend you know". I then pulled a line that one of your other readers used in one of the newsletters (these newsletters definitely come in handy! Sometimes I almost fall out my chair laughing at what some of the other people write in with, haha ha), saying "Look, I understand that must be a major accomplishment for someone that looks like you. I can't imagine any guy that would want to be seen in public with you. He probably got tired of you begging." She acted hurt, slapped me in the arm and said "you are so mean!" My song was running out at this point, so I told her I needed to get back to work, and she kissed me on the cheek, rubbed her hand from my shoulder down my chest and said "you better call me" and left.

In the past I would have just talked to her for a minute, found out she had a boyfriend and then stopped talking to her, but after reading your material I just keep going, and I am realizing that most women will still give out their information to a total stranger even when they have boyfriends. I was shocked to find this out! I asked one of my woman friends about this and she laughed and told me that most women aren't entirely happy with their relationships. I asked her why do they keep going out with that person if they really aren't happy and she said "because nothing better has come along." Amazing!
Thanks again! Keep up the good work!

David D.'s Comments:

Oh, well now you've revealed all the secrets!

Yes, women will say all kinds of things when you first meet them, especially attractive women. But as you've seen, these things often aren't true, or are just smoke screens to protect them from having to deal with a bunch of loser guys who'll waste their time.

Your email is great. It should be read 10 times by any guy who is learning about this stuff, and memorized.

By the way, great choice of jobs, being a DJ.

One of the very best things you can do for your success with women is to put yourself in a position that makes them approach you. Be a dance teacher, a musician, a pottery or yoga teacher, a DJ, a bartender, or a women's shoe salesman. This is an amazing way to really improve your skills with women and skyrocket your success.

*** Question from a man ***

Your material is golden. The cocky and funny routine and approaching tips have done me wonders, but you know they work so I'll get to the point.

I have been working on this girl for quite some time (she's a ten and worth it), I built the anticipation, got her to give me her phone number: she has asked me to hang out and repeatedly, emailed me asking me what I'm up to. However! I waited a little while to actually ask her to hang out with me (to make me look a little busy), but when I did call her and ask her to hang out she said sure, and said she would call me right back and never did! And to make things worse, she wrote me an email the next day telling me she forgot to call me back! She's so sorry, bla bla bla etc. I know the girl thinks about me and I know she wants to hang out with me, why would she do that? Calling her repeatedly would be a wussy move: am I right?

I blew it of and gave her a cocky-funny answer saying "Do you expect me to believe that, I'm starting to think I make you nervous". I honestly don't think she forgot about me, is this a test This is the first 10 I've encountered since I've used your techniques so I need some advice. I want to make this one count.
Thanks Dave,

David D.'s Comments:

Nice, you're doing great. Here's something to remember:
Attractive women are approached all the time by men. Some attractive women give out their number several times every night they go out. This is reality.

Often, attractive women will actually give out their number just to get rid of you. Really. Some women get an "ego hit" of power and self esteem when a lot of guys are calling them.

But this leads to another problem:
The problem of not having enough time to see all of these men (or never even intending to from the beginning). You're going to find that a lot of women "flake out" when you make plans with them. I will say that the fact that she emailed you the next day to tell you that she forgot to call you is a positive sign. If she just wanted you to go away, she wouldn't have done this.

You need to pull on her with the attitude I teach, make fun of her for flaking out on you and tell her that she's on strike one.

You might want to tell her "Well, since you flaked out on me once, now you have to take me out. Here's my address and the directions to my house. Come pick me up." You need to let her know that it's not allowed for her to forgetting you, and at the same time use her flaky behavior as material to tease her with.

Be persistent. You'll learn how to deal with this as you date more women.

*** Question from a woman ***

I have been reading your newsletters for about 6 months and think you are totally, exactly, completely, right on target.

I just started dating a guy that I am attracted to and I who really like, but I don't feel strong attraction. I realized that it's because I'm a bit of a smartass, and most of the time when I bust on him, he takes it but I really don't want him to at all, ever!

Do you have any advice for women on how to get a man to "be a man"?! Is there something I could say to him that would do the trick? Maybe a little less blunt than "I really need a man who won't take my crap, can you do that?" He doesn't have an email and I don't know him well enough yet to tell him to buy your ebook, we've only had one date. I just want him to stop letting me get away with being a brat! Please don't tell me I have to stop being a brat, that would ruin the fun. I look forward to your speedy reply as we'll be going on another date this weekend! Thanks for all that you do for the women of the world. You are my hero.

David D.'s Comments:

Oh, yes. That's me David DeAngelo, the unselfish advice giver to women. Well, here's the deal: Trying to teach a guy how to stop acting like a wussy dorrmat isn't easy. I would suggest that you send him to my website and tell him to read my newsletters. First date or not!

I realize that it doesn't sound very romantic, but you have a choice: Either help him to stop acting so damn "nice" or tell him to get lost. Hey, maybe he'd make a "Sweet, minivan driving house-husband" for you?

Sounds charming, doesn't it? Note to guys: Women aren't attracted to "nice" in the long run and a lot of time right off the bat.

*** Question from a man ***

Great articles!
I'm still uncertain on one thing though. I have read the book "Unstoppable confidence" and it says the way to get along with people is similarity and cooperation and praise. You are telling me its being a total jerk. I just don't get it. Please help.

David D.'s Comments:

I am not, do not, and have not ever told anyone that "The way to get along with people is to be a total jerk."

Never. No no no.

What I do say is that jerks often create an amazing feeling of attraction inside of women, and that there are ways that the average guy like you and me can take some of those things that "jerks" do, and use these powerful techniques without the abusive parts to make women feel attract to us instead. Make no mistake about it, I don't think it's a good idea to act like a "jerk" to other people.

But I do think it's a great idea to tease women, bust on them, be Cocky and Funny, and play hard to get. You need to pay more specific attention to what I'm saying, and stop looking to pop psychology and self-help books to teach how to attract women. Read my ebook then read it again!

*** Question from a man ***

First off, let me say that your newsletters and E-Book are awesome. They satisfied nearly every inquiry I have had in regards to getting started with women. My success rate has gone through the roof! Which brings me to my question. This is a complex one, with story behind so please bear with me. Here goes:

I am recently single and jumped back into the dating game. One of the first nights I went out as a single man, one of my female friends and I kissed on a bet. I did not know of the bet, but I thought nothing of it after I found out. Although the girl that had kissed me was attractive, I had no feelings for her, just as I thought there was no attrcation on her side. We will refer the this girl as "Girl A". We saw each other a couple more times, with added intimacy but left things on a very strictly emotionless basis. She had commented that she did not want me getting attached, and I reminded her that there was no cause for her to worry.

Some days later, hanging out in a bar with the same group of friends, I employed some of your most valuable tactics and met "Girl B". Things were much different. I was very attracted to "Girl B" and I felt as though I had her attrcation as well. We talked at the bar, and as it turns out she is very good friends with some of my other female friends. We all ended up back at a friend's apartment, and "Girl B" and I sat on the couch, and talked for hours. We eventually decided to stay over and sort of fell over. We made a weak attempt at sleeping and ended up kissing and holding each other all night. It was everything that I wanted to happen. Because I am a gentleman, I did nothing more than kiss. I felt chemistry and did not want to rush things. Besides, the anticipation is fun!

The very next weekend, there was a party at the same apartment. Both "Girl A" and "Girl B" were there. Needless to say I paid attention to "Girl B".

Contrary to my original thoughts, "Girl A" did not like this. Towards the end of the night, "Girl A" made a scene and called me out to discuss this. After settling her down, I went back looking for "Girl B", but did not find her. I was told that she was on her way to her car. I caught her on her way to her car and asked her if I could talk to her. After an explanation of the situation, and promise that "Girl A" is out of the picture, she gave me her phone number and that's how we left it. Since then "Girl B" has been reluctant to return my calls and get together. A situation that had worked great from the start is now compromised by someone else.

How can I win back the affections of "Girl B"? I felt a connection with her, and would love to get back on the right track. Our mutual friends have not been of any help so far. I try calling her, but I feel as though if I called as much as I'd like to I'd look like a wuss.

I have had no problem with setting up mystery. I drive a hot car, play semi pro sports, and use these things carefully and only discuss when asked. I don't want to look too cocky! What else should I try, or how should I act to achieve the desired result? I know getting another girl, or even flirting in front of her, while not impossible would kill any chances. While "Cocky and Funny" got my foot in the door, I don't know if it is right for the situation.
Your suggestions please,

David D.'s Comments:

Your email is profound. There are many lessons that can be learned from it, and I want to point out a few of them:
The first one is that jealousy can actually lead to love.

This situation where "Girl A" didn't have any "feelings" for you until she saw you with "Girl B" is the rule, not the exception. If your significant other breaks up with you, one of the best things you can do to get them back is to:
1) Act like you're OK with their decision to leave;
2) Start dating other people and let them know about it.

This combination alone is usually enough to make them come back to you.

Jealousy is a powerful tool. It's far more powerful than most people suspect. Jealousy causes people to do crazy things and feel very powerful emotions, from love to hate.

Your mistake in this situation was this:
When "Girl A" made a scene and called you out to discuss the situation you went with her.

If I was in that situation, I would have just looked at her and said "You might want to consider acting like an adult here. I'll talk to you another time." I'm guessing that to "Girl B" you just came across as a whipped wussy who was cheating on his girlfriend, etc. "Girl B" didn't know you long enough to understand the relationship and have enough invested to feel jealous for you in this situation.

Ironically, the best thing you can probably do is get on with your life, and date other women. And in the future, don't allow a woman to throw a tantrum and control you and the situation.

Trying to "get her back" is a losing game in most situations because the act alone suggests that you're needy (especially when you don't even know a woman very well, and you're trying to "get her back" after one or two dates). The best thing to do is get on with your life, then call her in a month or two to see if she wants to have coffee.

Don't talk about heavy things, and don't mention anything about what happened. Just be casual.

You've learned a very valuable lesson, so remember it.

As a side note, I want to thank you for your email, and thank you for the compliments on my book. Most guys think that if they "drove a hot car and played semi-pro sports" that they wouldn't need this material but as you know, if you don't understand how attraction, women and dating "work", then almost nothing can help you.

*** Final Comment***

The questions and answers you've read here are also topics in the "Double Your Dating" book. Of course my downloadable ebook covers a whole lot more ground and in much greater detail.

To start with, the question you need to ask yourself is "Am I actually attracting women or not?"

If you can say yes to any of the following:
- struggle getting phone numbers and emails
- often get tongue-tied when around beautiful women
- lose confidence after the first date or even first conversation
- feel compelled to agree with whatever the woman wants, try too hard to please her too much
- fail out on her the first time she tests me
You need to get some serious help, real-life tested advice.

Can you see how you're rejecting the very women you want to attract? How your actions betray your desires?

How do you want women to see you? How do you want women to be attracted to you? How do you want to improve your dating and your life?

The next move is for you to download your copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women", then you need to get started!

Double Your Dating eBook Find out more about the Double Your Dating techniques for meeting and dating women


...and watch it in action, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.




(c) Robert Lee, and David DeAngelo Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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