David D.'s Dating Advice
at aLoveLinksPlus
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*** This
Week's Dating Advice Question ***
Dave,
I decided to get this area of my life - "dating" - handled no matter
what about a year ago. I had a lot of internal problems with self-esteem
and self-image. So I started by reading a lot of self-help books that
teach how to use your mind to change your world - your "reality" as you
would say. That helped me a lot and I started seeing things very
differently. I became more confident and more importantly, more
determined and convinced that I could get this handled for myself. But I
still didn't understand the science of "attraction" specifically. I knew
there had to be some reason why some guys got tons of women while others
went without but I just didn't "get it."
I ordered your book about 8 months ago and it helped me tremendously
because I started to understand attraction and it also motivated me to
get out in the field and start working on my skills. I read many books
on attraction and watched movies with "romantic heroes," like James
Bond. I started going to [other] web-sites and signed up for a bunch of
newsletters (yours are by far the best, by the way).
Over the next 6 months, I had more success with women then I've ever had
in my life. I got tons of numbers, learned to flirt a little bit, and
went on more dates than I had over the past couple years combined. So,
when your CD series came out, I bought that too and it's been another
great help. I like the CD series a little better than your book because
it emphasizes the "inner game" more instead of straight "techniques." I
think a lot of people - including myself at one point - are under the
impression that the right "line" is going to get them laid. I think the
opposite: when you're feeling unstoppable, then you'll exude it and just
about anything you say will work. Further, body language is SO MUCH more
important than words - that took me a long time to figure out and really
understand. Anyway, your CD series addresses these concepts in detail
and it really helped me.
My success story is different from the others usually in your mailbag
because its still a work in progress. For whatever reasons, I wasn't
able to read your book and then immediately go out and get laid by 6
different hotties in 2 weeks, like some of your readers. It's not
discouraging for me because I know that I'm 300% better at this now than
I was a year ago and I'm working on this skill every single day and
eventually I'm going to get to where I want to be- there's no doubt in
my mind. I think you say this often and I really have come to understand
it on a deep level over the past few months: "Dating is a skill that you
can learn." I've learned some skills of dating and I'm learning others
and I'm going to perfect them. So, when I read your mailbag, I just say
to myself: "Good for those guys - this book must have put them right
over the top. I'm going to keep working at this and I'll be there soon."
My question for you is how long did it take you to master all of this?
Also, did you get discouraged along the way and how did you keep picking
yourself up? How did you get yourself to really believe that this was
going to happen for you? Also, did you notice that you'd get something
figured out and then be at that level trying to figure the next level
out for months and then finally you'd get the next level figured out and
then you'd be at that level for a long time?
Thanks for your book, CDs, and mailbag - they've helped me on a deep
level. I hope that in a year or two, I'll be one of the speakers at your
live seminar.
JM
Minneapolis
David D. >>>MY COMMENTS:
You have brought up some GREAT points here...
I'd like to comment on some of the things you've mentioned, then tell
you a little about my personal experience learning this stuff.
The first thing you mentioned is:
"I decided to get this area of my life - "dating" - handled no matter
what about a year ago..."
There are a few KEY words in this statement. Those words are "NO MATTER
WHAT". I've read many "self help" and "success" books in my day.
But one of the most important of these books, in my opinion, was "Think
And Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. In this book, he talks about the idea
of DECIDING to do something NO MATTER WHAT. There's something about
saying to yourself and others "I'm going to do this thing, and I don't
care how long it takes or what I have to do. I'm going to accomplish it"
that is magical.
Now, I don't want to sound like some kind of freakshow psychic or cult
leader... but this concept is powerful.
I've found that when I use this concept and REALLY MAKE A COMMITMENT to
do something, that it somehow focuses all of my mental energy on it, and
I wind up accomplishing things that I never thought that I could.
I've also found that when I recommend to others that they do this, they
have all kinds of excuses that seem to "come up". The say:
"Well, I'm not sure that I want to accomplish it NO MATTER WHAT..."
...or...
"I don't want to limit myself..."
...or...
"I don't want to tell everyone that I'm going to do it and then no
follow through..."
...etc., etc., etc.
And guess what? They usually don't accomplish what they want in life.
I've also noticed that when people I know get to the point where they
actually DO make this commitment to themselves and others that they
ALMOST MAGICALLY wind up reaching their goals... NO MATTER WHAT THEY
ARE.
This idea has power. A lot of power.
The next thing you mentioned is:
"I had a lot of internal problems with self-esteem and self-image."
You also
mentioned later that you feel like it's taken you longer than some other
guys to reach the levels of success that you'd like to reach with women
and dating.
I'm not a psychologist, but my experience is that if you have a lot of
issues with your self image/self esteem, then it's going to take longer
to accomplish just about ANYTHING in life as a result.
These are DEEP psychological and emotional issues, and they interfere
and interact with EVERYTHING.
I think you've made a VERY WISE CHOICE by working on those issues as you
worked on this other area. I'll also address the comment you made about
some guys just having more success, and having it faster than others.
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First of all, when I choose the letters from readers to include in these
articles, I like to include mostly emails from guys who GIVE SOMETHING
before they ASK for something. And I love success stories, because they
encourage us all (The fact is that I don't get many emails from readers
saying "this stuff doesn't work for me", but I do get a few here and there).
But the long and the short of it is that since you get to hear a lot of
success stories, it SEEMS like this stuff is really easy for most guys.
But I'll tell you, we all have our challenges. We all have areas that are
harder to improve than others, and we all want more success... no matter
what level we're at. Each of us starts out where we start out, and each of
us is on our own path to success. No one can do this for you, and I can't
tell you how long it's going to take you to have the kind of success that
you want to have...
I will tell you this, though. If you have major self esteem and self image
issues, it's probably going to take longer than if you don't.
But as far as I'm concerned, the only thing that matters is YOU getting what
YOU want in YOUR life. It doesn't matter if it takes a week or a year or a
decade. If you need to accomplish this for yourself, then do what it takes.
No one is going to do it for you... that's for sure.
And there's no feeling like achieving success in some area of your life
that's important to you.
You mentioned that during your first 6 months you got tons of numbers,
learned how to flirt with women, etc. How great does that feel?!
You also mentioned how learning about the "inner game" from my CD Program
helped you at a much deeper level than just learning "techniques" ever did.
This is SUCH an important point. Most guys ask me for quick fixes. When they
have a problem, they write to me for a line or a technique to solve their
problem.
The PROBLEM with that is once you get INTO a problem situation, it's
DIFFICULT to "fix". The best policy is to AVOID getting yourself into the
situation in the first place!
Duh.
But how do you do that?
Of course... you have to BECOME the guy that does the right things. And part
of this BECOMING is learning all those things that together for the "inner
game". Things like your beliefs about yourself and women, your understanding
of dating and attraction, your subtle communication skills... and all the
rest.
When you learn this stuff, then all the TECHNIQUES start to work
DRAMATICALLY better. In fact, you start to NOT NEED THEM AS MUCH anymore.
Since you understand what's HAPPENING at each stage, you don't have to rely
as much on techniques... you can just lead the way and do the right thing
whenever you need to.
I could say this 1,000 times, and tomorrow some guy is going to write me and
say "I have this girl that I've been in love with for 10 years but she
thinks I'm the UBER-WUSSY. What can I say to her to make her fall instantly
in love with me?"
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