This article: How to translate what women say they want in the men they date.
The reality of men-women relationships is that men and women don't think the same way. men are logical thinkers, women are emotional thinkers. In this article I'm about to take you "behind the scenes" in the female mind. I'm going to give you a perspective that most men never see or realize.
Unfortunately for most guys, not seeing things the way I'm about to share with you keeps them trapped in their own little world of failure. If you pay careful attention to the things I'm about to reveal to you, you'll definitely have more success with women.
The Difference Between Words And The Real World
ever heard a woman say something like:
"I want a guy who is sensitive."
"I want a guy who's in touch with his feelings."
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
"I want a guy who is strong."
"I want a guy who is sexy."
Of course you have. Women say this stuff all the
time. One of my favorites is:
"I want a real man." I love that one.
In the past, when I'd hear women say "I want a real man" I had no idea what the hell they were talking about. It almost didn't make sense. But keep in mind, even though these things don't always make sense to us guys, they make perfect sense to women.
When a woman says one of these things, she actually means something that is different from what a guy would mean if he said the same words.
If a guy says "I'm going to stay home and relax today", he probably means that he's going to stay home, watch some sports, drink a beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order a pizza.
If a woman says that she's going to stay home and relax, she's probably not going to watch some sports, drink a beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order a pizza.
If you are reading this right now and you are a woman who watches sports, drinks beer, looks at pictures of the women on the internet, and orders pizza to relax, then contact me immediately at the email address below. And send pictures. Back to what I was saying...
Women are different from men. And the words they use often don't mean what they sound like they mean. So the first thing that you have to get through your head is that just because a woman says something to you doesn't mean that it means that you think it means. Catch my meaning?
The Little Secret She Isn't Telling You
There's a little secret that women never happen to mention when they're describing what they want in a man. Unfortunately for all of us good guys who are trying to be what women want, and hoping that if we try hard enough to please women that they'll like us, this little secret is causing us a lot of trouble. The secret is that women only want the things that they're asking for from a guy who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention.
In other words, if a woman says "I want a man who is a good communicator", what she really means is: "I want a guy who already has his life together, is interesting, unpredictable, dominant, funny, healthy, charismatic, confident, and loyal... who is also a good communicator." The reality is that when a woman says one of these "I want a guy who" statements, she actually has an ideal guy in mind, who also happens to be a good communicator.
She's not imagining Homer Simpson sitting on his couch reading a book on communication. The reality of this situation is that what women really want is a man who makes them feel the emotional and physical response that I like to call attraction. They want a man who makes them feel it. But most women either can't describe the things that actually make her feel attraction, or they don't want to have to describe them, because they want a man who already is those things... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you want one that said "Yea, I can be a bodyguard. Just give me some time to learn..." or would you want one that already knew how to kick ass anytime, anywhere without having to learn?
Well same goes with women. They don't want a guy that they have to train into their ideal date. If you don't already have the universal foundation of what attracts women, then no amount of changing and improving things like your communication and sensitivity is going to help you.
What Is A Real Man?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the idea of a "Real Man". You hear both women and men using the term. But what does it actually mean? And is it important?
Well, after thinking about this
particular topic for a long time, I've come to the conclusion that
it is a very important topic. At this point, I believe that a real
man is this "ideal" that women imagine when they're saying "I want a
guy who is sensitive". They're thinking of the real man, and then
they're imagining him also being sensitive. There are a lot of
aspects to this real man. Here are a few that are important:
-Lack of Insecurities
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a real man in a few sentences, but I'll tell you what, a woman can recognize one instantly.
The Mistake Men Make
Now, a common mistake that men make is taking something that a woman says that she wants, and doing it too much, thinking that if "A little bit is good, then more must be better". For instance, a woman says that she likes guys who are "thoughtful". So you go out and buy her a bunch of gifts, and give her cute cards every time you see her, and call her all the time to tell her that you miss her.
What happens? She leaves you for her jerk ex-boyfriend.
And leaves you wondering what happened.
This would be kind of like a woman saying "My favorite food is chocolate" and then you thinking it would be good to feed her chocolate for every meal just because it's her favorite... or adding chocolate to every single dish you make for her from now on... and forgetting that 97% of what she eats still needs to be other foods.
Let me land the plane for you.
Women don't mean what you think they mean when they talk about what they want in a man. And if you take the things women say too literally, you're going to wind up shooting yourself in the foot.
What Women Really Mean
So let me "decode" what women "really" mean when they say common things. Consider this your own personal "female language translator". Refer to it often.
When a woman says:
"I want a guy who is sensitive."
What she really means
"I want a guy who is busy doing his own thing in life, who has goals and objectives... who has passion for things. If we're out together, he always keeps me on my toes, and I'm always wondering what's going to happen next. He's challenging, interesting, and funny. I would really like it if he was also sensitive enough to know when I need a hug, or to be held, or when I want him to make love to me." Does this make sense?
Again, she's not imagining a picture of a boring, predictable, Wussy who is sharing his hurt feelings because he's so "sensitive". Big difference.
When a woman
"I want a guy who is in touch with his feelings."
really means is:
"I want a guy who is strong-willed, and who doesn't get upset about petty things... a guy who can deal with the fact that I freak out emotionally sometimes... and who knows how to be cool when things are tough. But I also want him to be in touch with his feelings so that:
1) He doesn't repress his emotions and then eventually kill 10 people in his workplace, and
2) When he's intimate with me, and he feels a passionate rush... he'll grab me and make love to me like a beast!"
What she's not doing is making a picture of a meek, afraid guy who calls all the time to ask "Do you like me? Because I sure like you".
When a woman says:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
What she really
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time, because he knows how to let me know what's on his mind without using words. I want the kind of guy that can touch me in a certain way and I feel tingles all over my body. And I want the kind of guy that can say things in a way that I understand... not crudely and man-like."
What about being the "Sexy Man"?
You'll often hear women saying that they what a "Sexy Man". Now, I used to think that they meant that they wanted a physically attractive man when they said this. Sometimes this is exactly what they mean when they use the term "sexy". But I've found that, most of the time, women mean something totally different when they use the term "sexy".
You see, a woman generally bases more of her life around what she feels than a man does. And the concept of "sexy" is usually used to describe the way a man makes a woman feel than it is used to describe how he looks. Think about women's romance novels for a moment. Women's romance novels account for about a fifth of all books sold.
What do these books contain?
Words. Words that describe things. Descriptions that make women feel things. My point: If you want to learn how to be a "sexy man", then the way you look isn't the most important thing.
I'll tell you something, too. Learning the secrets of being a "sexy man" can be a very rewarding experience. A lot of guys out there, including me, know exactly what it's like to be either on a date with, or in a relationship with a woman who has no intention of being with you "physically". In other words, she's just not feeling that powerful "sexual" attraction for you. And you don't know how to make her feel it.
Well, let me
Just like all the other things that a woman "says" that she wants in a man... that most men don't ever "get", being sexy is one of the big ones. If you understand the secrets of being sexy, you will notice that women start to behave very differently around you.
My eBook "Double Your Dating" comes with three free bonus reports. One of these reports is called "Sex Secrets", and it teaches you how to take things from one step to the next when it comes to "getting physical" with a woman. If you do these things, you will instantly make a woman realize and remember that you are a sexy man. I absolutely guarantee it.
You can read some great free samples, and download it here - just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy. This book and the three bonus ebooks that come with it are the FOUNDATION for success with women. Everything you read in these articles will make more sense once you have read the book.
read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
(c) 2009 David DeAngelo, Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd. All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all harmless. Article may not be reprinted without express written consent of the authors.