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This article: "Men and women approach emotions from opposite ends of the scale, but attraction is the evening out formula. As long as you're interested in dating her instead of being her friend there are certain behaviors you need to know about."

Dear David,
I am a 21 year old guy and I need your advice.

I am in college and have met a very pretty girl. We hang around together and I'm almost certain that she likes me. After a while I got her cell phone number and gave her a call. She was nice on the phone and we talked about school, classes and stuff. I didn't see her for a few days and decided to give her a call again. This time she didn't answer so I sent her a text message: "Without your smile my days are dark and my world has no light. Thank you for being my friend."

I didn't get a call or message back (I called her 2 or 3 times more) so after a couple more days I texted here again: "Time moves fast but there is always time for me to think of you."

Two more days after that message I called her since I still didn't see her at college where we usually hung out. She didn't pick up her phone again so I decided to message her how I felt and how much I missed her.

I said: "I have sent you lots of messages and haven't heard from you. I have something important to tell you, I love you!!! I really miss you and I hope that you are all right. You are always on my mind."

After I sent this message she texted me back and said: "I'm OK Thanks for being worried about me. I didn't want you to misunderstand me but I just wanted to be your friend. Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea."

Her reply to me really hurt. When she said she just wanted to be my friend I really felt sick to my stomach. I texted her back: "Thanks for answering me. I hope all works out well for you in your life with someone special. Thanks for the memories."

I wasn't expecting to hear from her again but she texted me again right away. She said: "I always enjoyed being your friend. I hope I didn't make you feel bad."

I didn't reply anymore. I was really hurt by what she said. After a couple of days she texted me again and said "Everyone needs friends, and a lot of the time you don't even know where they are or the impact they have on your life. I want to keep our friendship going."

I don't even understand her any more. I told her I love her and she says she just wants to be my friend. I let her go and after a couple of days she sends me that I don't know what she means. I really need your advice about what i should be doing next with her.

Please tell me what she means!

Do I keep being her friend?

The last thing I said to her was that she is special to me but I don't really want to be just her friend.

Is she playing with me? If I'm so important to her, what does this all mean? She doesn't want to lose me but should I still be her friend?

Please tell me what you think she means from her messages.


David D.'s reply:

Thanks for joining all the rest of us guys by being just as confused whenever the issue of "being friends" intrudes on your romantic desires.

I really wish there was a way to tell in advance when a woman is going to reject a guy and say "Can we still be friends?"

What really stood out for me in your letter was show much of a wussy you are.

Seriously, every guy that behaves the way you did is sure as heck going to be rejected for not being "boyfriend material".

Sure, you hung out with her, maybe shared some laughs. I bet you bought her some small  things too. Little "gifts" or things that you thought she would like. And all this before knowing if she was willing to date you.

You really skipped a few steps here, didn't you? And you paid the price.

Whenever she sees you now she's going to see the guy that "didn't make it" with her. Rejection doesn't wear off all that easily, just like a black magic marker "R" on your forehead.

When she at first didn't hang out with you for a couple of days, what did you do? You missed her... but way too much! If you've learned anything from my articles and newsletters then you should have known to not waste your time waiting for her. You should have used this "break" as an opportunity to meet other women, while still keeping a lookout for her.

The wussy thing to do, which you did, was take the time that you didn't see her and make it worse in your head by missing her, to the point that you broke down and actually texted her that you love her.

You couldn't even wait for a first date or even long enough to say it to her face!!!


It's no wonder why she blew you off, but wants to make herself not feel bad by saying she wants to still be your friend.


You reached too far and lost an arm.

Now then, what you should have done (and what every other guy should do that finds himself in this position) is:

1) Meet more women and date without being exclusive. You see, when a guy is dating a lot of girls his "real value" goes up and his "Wussy Factor" goes way down. Women really do like competing over guys, but if you're not dating, just "lurking" and waiting for her to "discover your love for her" you've already lost.

2) Texting is a great way to say "Let's meet here" or whatever. Not for emotions to run rampant. If you've paid attention to being "Cocky and Funny" you should have realized that it's not your job to run with your emotions, it's your job to create interest and let her emotions do the rest.

3) Busting on her is a great way to create her interest in you. Don't be so serious. You're not in that "relationship place' yet. You don't hear from her in a few days? Bust on her "Are you still here on planet earth?", "Did you get arrested because I heard all the jails are full?", "This is an automated message: Contact (your name) for a chance to win to buy him dinner!" That's what you should have been texting and if you've read my ebook I wouldn't have to bust on you about this stuff!

Now, to completely answer your questions:

Sure, be her friend but don't be available as her friend like you've been so far. I often say "Give her the gift of missing you" but in this case, she's not going to miss you. Stay as friends but date other women. Maybe a little bit of jealousy can get you where you want to be with her, maybe not. But at least you can have some fun as you try!

Yes, she's playing with you. When a woman's emotions aren't involved in her decision making process, you aren't ever going to be "boyfriend material" and she'll keep shopping. But she just might put you in the "man as girlfriend role" and spill all her complaints and heartache on you. Don't let her do that. You might think you're getting closer to her but you'd be wrong. Once she starts crying on your shoulder about her friends, maybe even about her current boyfriend, you've lost. Don't go down that road.

Her messages and the time between them scream loud and clear that she's done with you as far as dating goes. My advice is to move on. Reread what I've written here and make the best sense of it you can.

Double Your Dating eBookAnd if anything I've written here makes any sense to you, if you've ever been in the same situation and lost the girl, this is your wakeup call. It's time to shed that "Wussy-ness" and become the type of guy that get's to pick and choose from all the women around him for a date(s).

It's not going to happen overnight, but it can start tonight and/or tomorrow. And the starting point is reading my ebook "Double Your Dating". Click here and preview the ebook, for free. And at the same time you'll be joining my free weekly newsletter, full of real advice from me, the guy that helps guys like you overcome being a wussy, overcome shyness, and date the women that you really want to date.

Go to:

Your friend,
David Deangelo

P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at: 

(c) 2008 David DeAngelo, Robert Lee and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd. All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold all harmless. Article may not be reprinted without express written consent of the authors.


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