Dating Great! with advice by Find Us On Facebook Follow Us On Twitter

Is This Career Woman Baby Ready?

DR. DENNIS NEDER AND KYLIEDr. Dennis Neder, Author: "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

"Being able to afford having children doesn't make you a mother any more than having a function reproductive system does. That's just ridiculous!"

Hi Dennis,
So I am about to turn 33. I'm financially stable and have a great career.

But when it comes to dating I don't feel like I've found the "One" so I am starting to think about having a baby on my own... scary.

I know it's not the ideal idea. Trust me, I imagined having met Mr. Amazing and fell in love. But, as I got more self sufficient I got more picky.

I'd like someone who can love me for me. I didn't need to put up with guys treating me badly ...I want a child though and my clock is ticking... Is that so bad?

So I went to your site to see what it's like to date once you have a child and was blown away!!

You've described women with children (with the first word as DON'T) who are looking for a father, health insurance, gold diggers... wow.

There's a whole generation out there that loves and wants children without any strings attached.

I am disappointed with your biased opinion of women. I'm sure that type does exist... but the last thing I'll need is someone paying my many women in their 30s are starting to face this dilemma of do you go ahead and have a child if it's something you really truly want??...

Please be more aware of their choices and why they are making them. God forbid they are actually looking for a great partner and companionship. Not someone who can drive car-pool.

Remember girl, some of us can afford to have children on our own and are happy with their decision.

Thanks for your comments. I'm not entirely sure where to start with you, so I'll just dive right in: First of all, that old chestnut "I want someone that can love ME for ME" translates to: "I don't want to have to bring anything to my relationship.

I don't want to have to grow or change or BE anything in particular for my partner. I just want to get - to take - without any strings attached.

Then, when things don't work out exactly as I want them too or if I get angry or upset by anything, I can just up and leave. After all, I TOLD the guy that I just wanted someone to love ME for ME!"

Really, what the hell? If you seriously think this is what you want, NO WONDER you can't find a good man!

You're in it entirely for you (more proof to follow) and have nothing to offer any man!

So what - you can feed and clothe yourself. Big fucking deal! You're only going to attract men that are in it for themselves too.

It almost seems like the perfect match!

Regarding children: here are just some of the problems: First, it's just more selfishness on your part.

Consider this: children don't ask to be born, it's based on some adult (sometimes even TWO!) that selfishly want a carbon-copy of themselves.

They imagine all the attention they'll get walking around with that little living doll that they get to dress up and will re-make them into the perfect image of humanity: themselves.

The problem with this is that children will only put up with this for a year or so until they begin to realize that they aren't little play-things.

They have a sense of self and even believe they have "rights".

Then the "terrible two's and three's and four's" kick in and it's only downhill from there! By six or seven, they'll be expecting cell phones and trips to Europe!

Next, you just want to have kids because you want them, not because it's the best thing for the kid at all!

Study after study continues to show that children raised in a single-parent household are far, FAR more likely to have all sorts of social adaptation issues later on in life.

They are far more likely to drop out of school, experiment with drugs, commit crimes, and even suicide.

If it's a girl, she's far more likely to become a pregnant teenager.

Of course, you're a superwoman, and YOU'D never have a child like that, right? Mom's own selfish example will NEVER be seen by the kid!

Oh wait, there's more!

Since you have such a great job, you can't afford to leave it and thus, you'll be back working within 6 months of having your kid.

That means that while mommy's at work, someone ELSE will be raising the kid. I bet his first words will sound a lot like "mamma" in Spanish!

Of course, you're not going to be getting any sleep for the first 3 years and you'll be among the walking dead at work, so your productivity will drop to zero, and your co-workers will have to pick up the slack for you. I'm sure they won't mind however, because you're a MOMMY!

You'll probably experience added stress because your job will be in jeopardy and you may even need to cut back your hours.

Of course your social life will also drop to nothing because you need to be home taking care of the kid!

What's that I hear? You're not going to stop partying?

Well great for you!

Bad for your kid however.

Also, men are far less likely to date single mothers, so that drops your pool of potential fathers for your spawn even further!

You'll be so overwhelmed with motherhood that you'll just have to settle for any guy that finally comes along and doesn't bolt because of your being a mom!

Some "choice"! Yes, there IS a whole generation that wants kids without any strings attached.

That's exactly the problem!

With kids come strings - you can't avoid it. So when the reality kicks in and you begin to realize just how selfish that is, you begin to hide it and look to idols to prove you were right all along.

Look at Jaime Lynn Spears as an example. She's doing it right (just like her mother before her) and you KNOW how great the Spears girls turned out, right?

Of course, that's only one example in a sea of examples!

Being able to afford having children doesn't make you a "mother" any more than having a function reproductive system does. That's just ridiculous!

Now, let's consider the alternative, shall we?

What if instead, you took the time and made the effort to work on yourself so that you were a better partner for the "One" so that when he comes along, he sees this and even sees his own unborn children in your eyes.

Then, you two horn-dogs get together and have an incredible romance that lasts the ages, get married and have that same child.

Now, not only does she have a father figure (and the respect of all the other fatherless children at school), but she has a mommy that is focused and concentrated on her well-being.

Then, she grows up with a family full of love and support only to turn around and give that back to her own children because her parents weren't selfish, self-centered assholes?

Dare I dream?

Best regards...
Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:

Copyright (c) Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Author of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: 

Meet Singles Online Now

JOIN NOW - View Photos of Singles Free

More Advice From Dr. Neder

Please join our newsletter and keep in touch with your favorite advice writers!