Hey Doc:
I'm looking for some advice on this girl I’ve been seeing. I took her out a
couple of weeks ago. We got a bite to eat, played pool, had a few drinks, etc.
and had kick ass time. We went back to her place and played around a bit. I
stayed over, but had a mutual agreement for no sex the first time. I talked to
her about every other night the following week on the phone, both of us making
an equal effort to call but not be too "needy." We had made plans to go out
again the following Saturday but settled for a Sunday movie because she ended
up traveling for the holiday weekend.
Sunday went pretty good and I went back to her place to watch TV for a bit.
Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but when we started playing around, she
wouldn't slip me the tongue like I expected. I wasn't trying to get laid by
any means, but it would have been nice to make out a bit.
Do I just need to relax and act like it's no biggie? We're going out again
Friday, probably dinner and a few drinks or live music. I could use some
advice so I don't do something dumb and "drop the ball."
Help!
Hello!
What you have here is an issue of communication and of "conversion".
In my new book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World II", I talk about both of
these topics: learning to understand what she means by what she says, and the
art of sexual conversion - moving a date from a friendly, fun time into the
bedroom.
Let's deal with the communication issue first.
It probably wasn't YOU that decided that you wouldn't sleep together on the
first date, it was likely SHE that decided this and you simply agreed. Ok,
fine if that's what you wanted. This usually is excused away by saying that
you want something long-term with her and that's why you would be willing to
wait. In fact, there is no such rule anywhere in the Universe! I get letters
all the time from people that slept together on their first dates and stayed
together or even got married.
How early you choose to sleep with someone has no
bearing on the longevity of the relationship. This is instead a way for a
woman to prevent you (she believes) from "not respecting her", or from
thinking she's too easy. Of course us guys know that this is ridiculous. It's
a "woman thing".
When you agreed to not sleep together on the first date (even though you both
were obviously ready), there was something that you missed. It was a
implication that YOU (as the man) had to do the sexual conversion during a
subsequent date! Yes, I know that wasn't said, but in her mind, she believed
she implied it! Remember, she doesn't want to come off as too easy, and if she
let's you make all the moves, she's safe!
Thus, you'll have to decide when you're ready to convert, and when you're
ready, to make the moves.
Now, let's deal with the topic of "sexual conversion".
[Part 2 continues here]
Best regards...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You
can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World",
visit:
www.beingaman.com
Copyright (c) 2003, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.
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